Agent Pubeit

See also: [[Chanology Contest]]

Agent Pubeit (aka [[Arab|Mahoud Samed Almahadin]], aka Matt Connor), was a [[sick fuck|brave mujahideen]] who valiantly martyred himself in the [[jihad]] against the scourge of [[Scientology]] by coating himself in [[buttsex|Vaseline and pubes]] and touching all their stuff.

In December of 2008, he ended the year of trolling with a [[I came|loud bang]] dressed as [[Satan Claus]], and then started 2009 by slathering himself with [[santorum|Vaseline and the shaved junk]] of Anonymous from far and wide. Then, looking like the world's most horrible [[Silent Hill]] monster (or [[Ron Jeremy]]), he ran wild through two New York [[Scientology]] Orgs touching everyone and everything he could before [[raep]]ing a pile of [[Dianetics]] books.

Despite Anon's current [[DO NOT WANT|ambivalence]] towards [[Chanology]], they collectively [[WIN|doffed their caps]] to this [[NYC]] Anon after catching wind of Operation: Slickpubes and the immenseness of Agent Pubeit's [[Colbert]]-like (hairless) brass balls. He is also the leading cause of sand in [[Magoo]]'s [[vagoo]] and [[WBM]]'s copious [[shit bricks]].

The Video Itself

THIS is what [[Chanology]] should have been. Tastes great, less [[moralfag]]gotry.

yrZk0C91mfg

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/01/15/2009-01-15_greasy_vandal_in_hate_crime_vs_scientolo.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">BRB, JAIL

made him do it.]]
is on the case.]]

uFZiSyzcBaQ

]]
After [[OSA]] got [[Horatio Caine]] to run the [[DNA]] of some of the captured pubes, Agent Pubeit was [[v&]] for [[9/11|terrorism]] and is getting comfortably [[buttsecks|prison raped]] in [[Gitmo]] thanks to the all-natural moisturization of Vaseline®. (By the way, it costs $15,000 each to do a DNA test on hair or toenails.)

[[Anon]] has retained the lawfirm of [[Ed Lolington|Lolington]] & [[Phoenix Wright|Wright]] to argue the case that with so many Anonymous pubes, it would be impossible to determine who actually suicide pubed the alleged 'church' of Scientlology.

In the meantime, the [[Final Boss]] of [[Chanology]] is taking up a collection of [[cumdumpsters|72 virgins]] for this brave [[Osama|mujahideen martyr]]'s afterlife.

Shown the tapes at the Midtown North Precinct, Almahadin admitted, [[IDIFTL|"Yup, that's me."]]

V& and [[Final Solution]]ed

commented: "That's a WIN/WIN I'd say. Especially for Pubeit,"]]

The [[Internets|Series of Pubes]] Reacts

When news of brave Agent Pubeit's heroic antics hit the Internets, the response was split right down the middle. After all, you're either with the [[anon|cyber terrorists]] or you're an [[unfunny]] faggot. However, in time honoured fashion, even the epic fail that was the whining of butthurt Scilons and [[moralfags]] turned into epic win when harvested for [[lulz]]. Meanwhile, [[Anonymous]] [[ROFL]]'d like they hadn't in ages.

_-4WqLvd6F8

http://www.youtube.com/user/CrazyDelaney" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CrazyDelaney

AwKun8gOSxc

http://www.youtube.com/user/notchies" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">notchies

loved it.]]

B&s the wrong vid, original still up. LOL]]

[[MOAR]]

[[So Cash|PubeitCash]]

Hey Faggots,

My name is Agent Pubeit, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, moralfags who spend every second of their day staging hug raids. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you been slathered with petroleum jelly and semen? I mean, I guess it's fun spreading cancer, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than getting v& for criminal trespass.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I'm coated with pubic hair and toenails, and can walk around shirtless in the middle of winter. What private property have you trespassed on, other than the Scientology Center on 46th? I also have an incredibly Islamic name, and have a banging pile of Dianetics books (I just fucked it- Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my bridge publications shipment.

The Ballad of Agent Pubeit

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit was very brave

Watch ye friends and ye shall see that he will win the day

Deep underground with stone and trains, Vaseline was applied

We handed him pubes, so many pubes, so he may complete his guise

The path to victory and win, paved with pubes accumulated

from the anonymous horde they came to him, fail he could not afford

the various pubes they stuck to him from the Vaseline he put on before

Brave Agent Pubeit came up from underground

Covered in Vaseline and pubes, he emerged proud

40 degrees in the streets, the streets

here's where we got the call,

Agent Pubeit the brave was on his way, free of delays and stalls

verily he traveled on his way, the brave the brave the quick

to the Church of Scientology to tell them to suck his dick

the many they stared afraid they were for a thing they have not seen

slippery and covered in pubic hair was the way it had to be

Meanwhile back at our the base the attack had already begun

Prank calls and our various faxes would ensure the battle was won

A dozen proud preceded him serving to distract

Incessant and vicious our calls they were, offensive and horrible our fax

BRAVE Agent Pubeit, he was about to arrive

At the Church of Scientology, his target could not hide

Touch everyone and everything once he runs inside

Pubes on their hands as they go to grab the gross slippery pube-covered guy

Brave Agent Pubeit, Agent Pubeit ran away

He knocked over shit and he got our pubes all over the place

He touched three guys and they found out, how slippery one man could be

He spread confusion and our dickhair, with his touch of Vaseline

His mission complete it may seem, but there was more

Three blocks away awaited another Scientology org

The buildings two he strikes at thee, as he has once before

The CLO headquarters did not know what they had in store

Radioed in we attacked our target number two

Let the enemies know that with them, Anonymous was not through

Off the hook their phones rang as we directed our second push

Agent Pubeit will soon come their way and deliver upon them some bush

Brave Agent Pubeit, safely got away

Scientology we strike at thee because you're fucking gay

Your buildings both we hath spread, our agent covered in pubes

Remember this day we have delivered Operation: Slickpubes.

Links

*http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/01/wise_beard_man.php" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Beardtard is jealous of Wise Pube Man
*http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/01/jason_beghe_to_1.php" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jason Begay tells Anon to "grow up"
*http://groups.google.es/group/alt.religion.scientology/browse_thread/thread/edc5df6658a1f7f2?hide_quotes=no" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">alt.religion.scientology BAAAAWWWWW
*http://www.vaseline.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Welcome to vaseline.com
*http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/01/15/2009-01-15_greasy_vandal_in_hate_crime_vs_scientolo.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">"Greasy Vandal In Hate Crime" - NY Daily News
*http://digg.com/comedy/Anonymous_Member_Covered_in_Pubes_Runs_into_Scientology_Org" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">DIGG THIS SHIT!
*http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/1/Operation-Slickpubes-647539.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">James Bond is jealous.
**http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCp8uJmTyNI" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Never Forget
*http://anonymous-is-a-hategroup.blogspot.com/2009/01/anonymous-perverts-smear-public-hair-on.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Tom Newton reacts!
*http://forums.whyweprotest.net/290-ysosrs/anon-covered-pubes-crashes-org-36143/3/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Bump to keep moralfags bawwwwing.
*http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/01/how_not_to_prot.php" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The New York Village Faggot News gets butthurt.
*http://www.jossip.com/anonymous-member-desecrates-scientology-building-by-pouring-pubes-toenails-on-self-20090115/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Butthurt blogger. OMFG...PROTESTING IS SRYS FUKKEN BIDNESS GUISE!!!
*http://gothamist.com/2009/01/16/when_vaseline_pubes_toenail_clippin.php" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Gothamist: Manhattan = rich bawwwfags with no sense of lulz.

See Also

*[[Chanology Contest]]
*[[Epic Sword Guy]]
*[[Furry]]
*[[9/11|Pubeit did 9/11]]
*[[888chan]]

]]|[[Amputee Milfs]]}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

[[Category:2009]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]