Camrose Cat Killers
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Sam Sheppard, Sabian Jordan Ryan, Macaully (Mac) Ryan, and Jesse Gillis, known collectively as the Camrose Cat Killers are four [[pun|pussies]] who [[Cat in Microwave|microwaved a cat]] named Princess after robbing"" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://www.pet-abuse.com/cases/12908/AB/CA/]" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, [[Canadia] on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because [[fact|the Internet loves cats]], but also because of the strange Canadian law that [[Streisand effect|prohibits publishing their names]], since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.
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They got away with it
After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL [[troll's remorse]], and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and [[noone]] went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.
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Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the [[Operation Restoration|former regime]] was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two [[it is a mystery|is still a mystery]]. Except not, here is
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Vengeance
[[Internets]] tube junctions, like [[Facebook]] and [[Nexopia]], immediately rose up and formed the hate forums. Even [[Bill Cosby]] hated them and refused to send [[cock|pudding pops]]. The Canadian version of [[The Man]] showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names. When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook. Because [[O RLY|the names were nowhere to be found]], internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names."" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://groups.google.com/group/edm.general/browse_frm/thread/6c8368fba8b8eeec/c09c3821d2640ba4?lnk=st&q=camrose+cat+killers+names#c09c3821d2640ba4]." class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">
Guise, it's illegal to publish their names
*Sam Sheppard
*Sabian Jordan Ryan
*Mac Ryan
*Jesse Gillis
Updates
All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of [[2016].
;Oh look, Facebook accounts:
*http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1066432096" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mac Ryan aka "Macaully Von Bathory"
*http://www.facebook.com/CrucifiedToADream" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sabian Jordan Ryan's Facebook Account https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003877895710" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Alternate account
*http://www.myspace.com/musicfreak96" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">lol Sabian's MySpace page
*https://www.facebook.com/wthcnvctn" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sabian's shit band on Facebook.
Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are [[pussies|really tough and hardcore]] so [[DO IT FAGGOT|do not mess with them]].
;YouTube
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See also
* [[Cat in Microwave]]
* [[Luka Magnotta]]
* [[Melissa Bachman]]
* [[Kenny Glenn]]
* [[Cheyenne Cherry]]
* [[Puppy Pitcher]]
External links
*http://archive.fo/anGZT" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">More story!
*http://www.wikigrain.org/?req=Camrose+cat+killing
*http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=Camrose_cat_killing_%28deleted_28_Jul_2008_at_23:23%29" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Camrose cat killing at [[Deletionpedia]]
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is part of a series on
[[Soviet Canuckistan|Soviet Canuckistan]]
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