Christian

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[[History]]

According to the [[Bible]], [[At least 100|at least 100 years ago]], Jesus of Nazareth^[[?]] was born in [[Israel]] (actually [[Palestine]]) to an [[irony|unmarried]] Arab couple: a carpenter and a [[Jailbait|14-year-old bitch]] whom God paid ten cents to love Him longtime that was cheating with some other dude. Jesus was born in a barn, surrounded by [[Furrys|animals]] because his parents were [[poor]] as shit. He was an asshole growing up, running away from his parents to [[rape|heal]] [[Disease|lepers]] and drink [[wine]] in temples with [[hobo]]s. Jesus is known to have made up some crazy shit and told everyone that [[Schizophrenia|God told him to say it]]. But of course, we now know that it was just all the [[LSD|acid.]]

When he was older, [[slut|lots of people liked him]] and invited him to their parties because he could ([[allegedly]]) turn water into wine and make bread and [[pussy|fish]] appear out of nowhere. He also ([[allegedly]]) made people [[zombie|come back from the dead]] and ruined everyone's fun by healing [[aspie]]s and everyone else that had [[mental disorders]] and made them [[Anonymous|normal members of society.]]

Eventually, people got pissed off at him for ruining their fun and using shitty box wine. Seeing the opportunity, [[Neoconservative|Karl Rove]] advised Pontius Pilate on how to [[murder]] Jesus and become the leader of Israel, which at that point was owned by [[mafia|Rome]]. Eventually, Jesus was [[pwnt|nailed to a cross]], though he came back to life three days later. [[Jews]] were just as power/money-hungry then as they are now, so they told everyone that Jesus died for his followers and anyone who did everything "Jesus" said could go to heaven. They also made up stories and told people Jesus said them, then they wrote them in 66 different books that collectively make up [[Lies|The Holy Bible]]. Jesus's [[Fanboys|devoted followers]] actually believed this shit, and thus, Christianity was born.

]]

Beliefs

Ten Commandments

1-4: All about kissing god's ass, nothing to do with being a good person. Fuck you, it's all about the Jesus.

5: Children should respect their parents, nothing about parents respecting their children.

6, 8, & 9: Actions that every single society practices, even atheist ones. Christianity doesn't own them.

10: You're not allowed to think certain things, despite the fact that people only better themselves when they want what others have. Oh, and it's ok to have slaves (which many bibles amusingly translate as "servants" in this passage.)

Nothing about rape, abuse, corruption, slavery etc.

The Other Ten Commandments

The other ten commandments are in Exodus 34. The first two are "commit genocide", and "srsly: commit genocide". Most of the rest are bullshit ceremonial practices. But this one is fascinating:

19 “The first offspring of every womb belongs to me, including all the firstborn males of your livestock, whether from herd or flock. 20 Redeem the firstborn donkey with a lamb, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem all your firstborn sons.

Note the lack of any mention of what happens to the children of slaves. Do you think the hebrews redeemed them (buying them back form Jehovah) at the rate of 1 shekel per crotchnugget? Of course not. There are several spots in the pentateuch where Jehovah clearly insists on human sacrifice. This is one of them. The whole business with Jesus was about God requiring a human sacrifice - it's what Christianity is basically about. Nevar Forget!

Jesus

Christian mythology revolves around a [[Mary Sue|Gary Stu]] by the name of Jesus. Jesus was a [[Jewish]] carpenter who was born from a [[16-year-old girl]], who got [[pregnant|knocked up]] after she was [[surprise sex|encountered]] by an angel. After [[failing]] in his first job as a carpenter, Jesus became a [[Criss_Angel|magician]], developed a huge fetish for [[BDSM]], and became [[an hero]] for your sins.

As if this isn't ridiculous enough, Christians also believe that you must pray every day to his [[Zombie|undead corpse]] to remove the [[evil]] from your soul that was put there by an all-[[trolling|loving]] God because a rib-[[woman]] ate an apple offered to her by a talking snake who was actually [[Satan]].

Christians will only argue about Christianity if [[you]] agree to four preconditions:

# All information in the Bible is [[true]], except when it's in [[Verbose|metaphors]].
# Jesus eats your [[sins]] so that you can go to [[Heaven|Skyland]].
# There is one God and He is real (and [[male]]). No exceptions.
...therefore, Christianity is the one and only [[Truth]]. [[Unrealistic_expectations|QED]].

and remember, there is also a list of guidelines to attacking the book of Revelation:

# If any [[bullshit|strange occurrence]] listed in that book happened in any order remotely close to that written in Revelation, [[goatse|Jesus]]! The prophecy is being fulfilled, [[Chimp out|REJOICE!]]
# If you are arguing that an occurrence directly contradicted this book of divine vision, you must be reading it out of context.
# If you can prove that you're speaking in the proper context, and Revelation is still being contradicted, it must be in GOD'S CONTEXT.
# If the point is made multiple times outside of the context it is written in for that particular phrase, it must be a parable.
# YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO QUESTION GOD'S WORD ANYWAY. All questions will be answered when the Hale-Bopp comet arrives, and [[an_hero|takes us to the level above human]]. Adventist are the ultimate Jew-Christians and should be [[awwwright|ass-raped]].

Disclaimer: Most Christians probably couldn't read that anyway, as the KJV of the bible is beyond most of their vocabularies. See the watered down holy book in layman's terms here.http://www.christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/p/newinternationa.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Holy Bible: TL;DR

[Gallery content]

St. Paul

St. Paul, as he explains in the Book of Romans chapters 6-8, was a massive [[fag]]. He dealt with this by deciding that he himself was spiritually good, and that his faggotry was entirely a product of his sinful, sinful body. It isn't he himself being a fag, it is the sin in him being a fag.

But thanks to Christ, if his sinful, sinful body did (and continued to do) these sinful, sinful things, then that was ok.

So it's ok to bugger small boys if you are a Christian, "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!".

Salvation, simply, is that after you die you get a new, spiritual body from Jesus which is untainted with Adam's original sin, and you can be free of this horrible business of buggering small boys forever! Hurrah! But for the time being - pedo.

Christians and [[Sex]]

?]]

Unlike [[Buddhism|certain other religions]], Christianity isn't big on giving you prescriptions ([[DO IT|what you can or should do]]). Rather, Christianity is all about the proscriptions (what you can't do under penalty of God-delivered [[pwnage|lightning bolt]]) to the genitals. Leastwise one good thing can come out of fucking a Christian girl. They are more likely to have anal sex since they cannot have Vaginal sex until they are married. It's not [[gay]] if [[Shota|he's under 13]]... right?

Following the tenets of Christianity can't have [[sex]] with:
# Anyone outside of marriage.
# [[Bestiality|Animals]]. Which means [[furries]] can't be Christians. Even religion has its upsides.
# [[Homosexuals|People of your own gender]].
# [[Incest|Members of your own family]]. (Unless you are Lot's daughters and have booze https://biblia.com/bible/esv/Gen%2019.30-38" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Genesis 19: 30-39)
# A woman who is on her [[period]].
# ...or even [[Masturbation|your own hand]].

Funny thing is, [[pedophilia]] is never mentioned in the Bible as a form of sexual immorality. So Catholic priests touching altar boys is [[BABY FUCK|awwwright]] according to 3,000 year old anachronistic scripture written by hallucinating drunkards. adding insult to injury, [[Islamophobia|Islamophobic]] Christfags have accused Prophet [[Muhammad]] of pedophilia, when there is no condemnation of it in [[the Bible]] at all, [[hypocrite]] much?

[[molest|molesting]] [[heterosexual]]s" is not on the list. This indicates a pro-[[lolicon]] stance which is good news for [[12chan]]ners!]]

Given these brutal restrictions, it is no surprise that sex scandals are common among the Christian aristocracy. The type of scandal varies by denomination:

* Protestants: Leave their wives to run off with [[Jailbait|teenage]] [[sluts]].
* Evangelicals/Fundamentalists/[[conservatives|Neoconservatives]]: Caught in gay sex scandals, despite being rampant [[homophobes]]. Example: [[Ted Haggard]], busted for repeatedly hiring and smoking meth with ([[Lie|but supposedly not having sex with]]) gay prostitutes.

More ironic is that they oppose homosexuality yet regularly practice sexual repression, believing fornication to be a sin and that Jesus will punish you for even masturbating or having lustful thoughts about a woman. (What better way to prevent homosexuality than convincing men that being attracted to women is evil? lol). Despite evidence showing that feeling shameful about sexual desire actually lowers testosterone in males (and that testosterone levels may very well indeed play a role in homosexuality); not to mention studies showing it may even lead to developing sexual perversions (as in the case of serial killer Ed Gein and the boy-fondling priests), Christians prove to be their own worst enemies by encouraging the very behaviors with their Puritanical attitudes which they so despise, just like the conservative Republicans who oppose abortion while still opposing contraception and sex education at the same time.

The Bible

see this sort of shit; people who trust the bible believe this sort of shit.]]

The [[Shit nobody cares about|Bible]] is a [[boring]] space opera where God, a [[bipolar]] [[Xenu|intergalactic tyrant]], fucked everyone over who ever thought of crossing him in an effort to show them who wore the pants.

Despite his repeated [[ruination]] of mankind, he eventually grew tired of killing off nearly all of the population of which he created and forcing them to incestuously reproduce because he's such a nice guy. He does, however, hate fags. Just ask his favorite man[[slave]], [[Fred Phelps]].

All Christians are [[hardcore]] fans of the [[Bible]] and will literally stab you in the face if you do not immediately embrace their exact view of [[God]]. This exact view [[hypocrisy|conveniently]] ignores Jesus' explicit prohibitions against self defense and divorce while embracing imaginary prohibitions against [[drug|drugs]]. They reject basic [[evolution|scientific facts]] due to skepticism, yet in a stunning twist, they believe fucking [[bullshit|everything]] written in any book labeled "The Bible", regardless of how unbelievable it is.

Oddly, that guy's name is [[Softpaw|southpaw]], and left-handed people are EVIL according to the bible (that's where the term "sinister" comes from, TEH MOAR U KNO!)

The Bible: Special Edition 2-disc Set

Most Christians are split between the [[canon]] original (aka Old Testament) and the money grabbing reboot (aka New Testament). There's also the shitty fanfic spinoff of the New Testament (aka [[Mormon|The Book of Mormon]]), which somehow manages to be even more batshit crazy than the canonical Bible to the point that even real Christians won't go near it, and there is much debate as to which version is best. Clearly, you can trust [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] to give you advice on such matters.

[[Oldfag|Old Testament]]

]]

Starting from the beginning of all life as we know it, we learn of [[genesis|God and the mysterious ways of how he rolls]]. The majority of the Old Testament is made up of telling a lulzy world history that science would've made boring (one must admit, "And on the 3,749,158th day, the amorphous blob grew leg-like appendages" isn't very inspiring when framed and hung up on some redneck's wall). The lulz stem from whenever God, seeing that his creation is plagued with [[Newfag|sinners]] and [[The_cancer_that_is_killing_/b/|evil]], decides to [[troll IRL]]. These included actions such as [[DELETE_FUCKING_EVERYTHING|flooding the entire world]], [[Wordfilter|creating the concept of foreign languages just to confuse everybody]], [[George_Bush|slaughtering innocent children]], and [[April_Furs_Day|destroying everyone and everything having anything to do with a city full of faggotry]].

However, God has shown [[Troll's_remorse|a kinder side]], as that last act caused him to give a similar city a second chance by sending some [[Fred_Phelps|self-righteous asshole]] to tell them to cut it out. They did, but this wasn't enough for the man. Miles away, the man [[Alex_wuori|commanded God to kill them anyway]], hoping to lulz with God. The man waited for days, but God, feeling untrollish, ignored him, turning him into a [[Lolcow|weeping husk of a man]]. God let him die, leaving him and the world a message: "[[X_is_not_your_personal_army|God is not your personal army.]]" The rest of the Old Testament is boring as desiccated dog shit.

Basically, this half of The Bible is used as proof that [[shit nobody cares about|evolution is wrong]] and anyone who disagrees is [[irony|educated stupid]] (That MIT education of yours? FOUNDED ON LIES). It is also used by [[Ann Coulter|trolls taking the form of Christians]] to tell people that God is an [[Rush Limbaugh|abusive, alcoholic, vengeful son of a bitch]]. It is also the part of The Bible that Jews prefer. [[JEWS_DID_WTC|Not that it means anything]].

Bible trivia:

Did you know that God thought the script was weak from the start and therefore decided to kill off [[over 9000]] characters in the first part, in a desperate measure to gain more likes?

[[Newfag|New Testament]]

It's a bit like the Old Testament, but with 100% more [[Moralfag|Jesus]], and [[PROJECT_CHANOLOGY/OPERATION_RECONNECT|a lot less of God's awesome wrath]]. Basically, Jesus goes around, impressing people with His [[b/space_Day|ability to hack into reality (and put Goatse everywhere)]], sharing his [[Computer_Science_III|wisdom]] and [[liek|love]] for his [[Mudkips|children]] and [[Nerd_rage|flipping tables over]]. He also says [[HAHAHA_DISREGARD_THAT,_I_SUCK_COCKS|the Old Testament should be ignored]]. Many claim he was the only perfect man. Emphasis on "only", and for good reason: nobody could stand him. They couldn't take anymore of his [[anus]] perpetually crapping out moralfaggotry, so they [[pwned|nailed him to a tree]]. Shortly afterwards, the guy who grassed him up decided he'd [[Troll's Remorse|gone too far]], so he became [[an hero]]. Not much else happens, except for Armageddon, which involves Wal-Mart and demons using our heads as toilets (No, seriously).

This half of The Bible is the one more universally accepted as the shiny, happy, [[Lame|family-friendly]] version of God. As such, it was perfect material for a great, fun-for-the-whole-family movie, which would be called The Passion of the Christ. A three-hour [[guro]] flick, every God-fearing mother dragged their kids to see it saying that [[Fact|the R-rating means that the material is a sensitive subject that is told in a manner that isn't sugar-coated, and is intended for persons mature enough to handle it]], like their 6-year-old son. Despite this glimmer of intelligence, this logic is never, ever applied to any form of media unless it involves how great and superior Christianity is (The Godfather, despite also featuring Italian thugs, was a waste of celluloid).

Things Christians ironically don't care about anymore

* Child Molestation
* Crooks
* [[Pornography]]
* Divorce
* Pathological Lying
* Greed
* Torture
* Gambling
* [[Poverty]]
* Explicit Music
* [[Violence]] (in general)
* Sex out of wedlock
* Teen Pregnancy
* [[Catholics]]
* [[Alcohol]] & [[Tobacco]]
* [[Bronies]]

Forms of Christianity

[[God Hates Fags|Baptist]]

Interchangeable with [[Evangelion|Evangelicalism]], Baptist is a [[fundamentalist]] [[Scientology|cult]] of Christianity that is generally associated with people who have three teeth and [[incest|fuck their sisters]]; these people generally live in states such as [[Louisiana]], [[Mississippi]], [[Alabama]], [[Georgia]], and [[South Carolina]]. Unfortunately, Baptists are also located all over the [[United States]] and [[world]].

Although a roaring success as a cult, there's practically nothing which all or even most Baptists can agree on that separates them from other types of Christianity, except thinking yelling "I'm saved" is the coolest thing [[ever]]. Their members are often known for their [[fascist]] political leanings and tendency to be [[fucktarded|profoundly moronic]] [[redneck]]s. Southern Baptists also often say that anyone who dances and/or consumes alcohol is going to hell, which is total [[bullshit]] since half of the Bible is all about people [[college|getting drunk and fucking.]] They will stop at nothing to make sure [[YOU]] aren't having teh [[gay]] sexzorz, except when [[Ted Haggard|they are]], in which case it's for the good of Jesus. Despite wanting to [[rape]] and [[ban|pillage]] every intelligent thought outside of PRAY-AH, they've some how managed to stumble into politics to [[troll]] the [[gays]] as to keep them from [[gay|prancing in fields]] and [[fellatio|licking lollipops]]. Also, most Baptists http://www.jhm.org/support-israel.asp" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><3 Jews which is just stupid. DON'T YOU PEOPLE GET IT! [[JEWS DID WTC|THE FUCKING KIKES DID WTC]] [[Mel Gibson|AND THEY'RE THE ONES WHO KILLED JESUS IN THE FIRST PLACE!]] AND THEY STILL TO THIS DAY LIE ABOUT THE [[Holocaust|HOLOCAUST]], [[CAPSLOVE|THEY DO NOT DESERVE OUR LOVE OR EVEN THE RIGHT TO LIVE, WE NEED TO MAKE THE HOLOCAUST REAL, WHO'S WITH ME???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]] [[south_park|HASSAN HASSAN!]]

tldr; These types are either jew loving sheeple like the elderly in your family who believe in things like The Rapture (as popularized by [[The Rapture|Left Behind]]), or Full-tilt Nazis who'll stone and crucify everyone else on the Day of The Rope/Judgement Day.

Baptists control fucking [[everything]] from their Jesus-clad ivory towers in order to sell [[lies|SALVATION]] and stomp angrily at whatever happens to offend them this week five minutes ago. They tend to alienate the entire nation by claiming [[AIDS]], God's weapon of choice, is going to [[anal|assrape]] everyone into loving Jesus. When not blaring their love of God on every TV, radio, and newspaper, they take to [[Westboro Baptist Church|PREACHIN' TO DA MASSES]]. This usually varies from drowning people, punching them in the face, or raping eardrums through the power of extremely shitty music. The best preacher ever to be born is was [[Ted Haggard]] who warned the [[hypocrite|gay and drugged]] to lead a moral and just life.

Baptist services are generally characterized as extremely cheerful and [[fun]]. There is usually a snake-handling session with some angry rattlers, plus some spontaneous cancer and paralysis cures.

A tradition that many Baptists have is to hate on Catholics because of [[shit nobody cares about|negligible differences in their Christian beliefs]]. They complain that Catholics don't read the [[Bible]] and are otherwise just ignorant, but what they often forget to mention is that only about 10% of Baptists have even graduated [[college]]. However, this still puts them way above pentecostals as well as [[Scientologists]].

(Note: "Baptists" equals "Southern Baptists". There were apparently going to be Northern Baptists, but they [[GTFO|didn't make the theatrical cut.]])

Fundamentalists

Fundamentalists are not necessarily a denomination, but are usually [[XXX|hardcore]] redneck [[incest|sister-fucking]] evangelical Protestants from the Bible Belt and the Midwest, who believe that evolution is a hoax, all media entertainment is evil, and that liberals are in a grant conspiracy to destroy [[shit no one cares about|Christian values]] by forcing their kids to watch MTV and listen to Jay-Z.
[[John Hagee|Fundamentalist Christianity is basically a cult which gives the Scientologists a run for their money.]]

A brief synopsis of [[fundamentalist]]s:

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Fundies in Zion, Illinois (aka Jesusland) also taught that the [[flat earth]] theory was fact up until the 1950s, claiming that some obscure Bible passage proved that modern science was wrong about the earth being round, just like they do with evolution.

Fundies always claim to follow the Bible literally and exactly. They unabashedly state that [[rape]] and [[slavery]] - incredibly popular in the Old Testament, are no longer acceptable, based on the undeniable [[fact]] that the New Testament pushed the Old Testament into [[Old media|obsolescence]]. Trolling them is as easy as pointing to The New Testament book of Philemon (where Paul basically tells a runaway nigger to get back to his cotton field) or Matthew 5:17-20 :

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law of Moses or the Prophets. I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. In truth I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not even the smallest stroke of a letter will pass away from The Law. So anyone who breaks the least of these commandments or teaches others to do so will be called "least" in the kingdom of heaven. But whoever practices these commandments and teaches them will be called "great" in the kingdom of heaven. say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses the experts in The Law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Tldr; These fucktarded, jew loving heretics who don't even fully read the bible don't even comprehend that the Old Testament still applies and was not "abolished" by Jesus or some shit.

Catholicism

Cathlolics, or Cathyz as they are called [[OTI]], are just as dumb as other Christians except they worship [[Pope|a creepy old guy in a phallus-shaped hat]], pray to the [[whore|Virgin Mary]] more than they do to Jeebus, believe they're [[cannibalism|eating Jesus' real flesh and blood]] during communion, and are even bigger [[virgin|vaginaphobes]] than the Protestants (they think [[birth control|condoms]] are [[devil|teh debil]], but [[pedophilia|banging an altar boy in the ass]] isn't as bad since there's no [[vagina]] involved). Every year, the [[Catholic]] teenagers go to Rumspringa, a sort-of spiritual spring-break, where they get to commit crimes and [[fellatio|suck]] [[cock]] without getting in trouble. After they're done sucking [[cock]], they go get wasted off of Jesus [[cum|juice]].

You can identify a [[Catholic]] girl by her willingness to let you stick your penis in [[Technical virgin|any orifice but her vagoo]].

The organization which Catholics belong to (and typically know nothing about) is the Roman Catholic Church, located in the red light district of Rome. It was founded as the [[Nazi]] [[pedophile]] division [[no more than 99]] years ago by [[Adolf Hitler]] himself. It quickly grew in numbers as [[pedo|child molesters]] joined the priesthood looking for a nice bit of [[shota]]. Today, it has branches all over the world and probably has one just round the corner from your home. You can drop the kids off there at any time!

Lutheran

Founded on the beliefs of Martin Luther. Not to be confused with Martin Luther King Jr.(See [[nigra]].) Martin Luther was one of the first [[IRL trolls]], in that he used to debate the ideology of Catholicism by nailing pieces of paper filled with his anti-semitic ramblings onto the front doors of churches before mass. The resultant political instability from what was at the time, [[Heresy|super heresy]], eventually resulted in a thirty year long civil war that dragged in almost every major power at the time and killed eight million plus people and fucked up all of continental Europe for a long time. What a masterful ruse!

He is to be considered a god amongst trolls, and invented the phrase [[DO IT FAGGOT]] due to the epic size of his [[balls]].

He also gets +1 Internetz because people to this day worship a religion based on his trolling.

He also had the typical German preoccupation with [[shit]]. He fought the devil by throwing shißer (amusingly retconned to "ink" by fags). He said he would fill his trousers with shit and hang them around the neck of the devil.

Lutherans are a naturally depressed race because, as Lutherans, they have fewer human rights than Jews in WW2.

Eastern Orthodoxy

Orthobros say this is the true church of Christ, and the Rome zioniggers say it isn't and they're all schismatics. Is one right? Is the other right? We don't know, but most orthodox fathers are le based tradpilled larp racism soooo eermmm... it won?

This denomination had its heyday during the Dark Ages and [[Bullshit|is basically just a Catholic spinoff]].

Disregard that, I suck cocks.

Catholicism is a spinoff of Eastern Orthodoxy. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East%E2%80%93West_Schism" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Great Schism for more info.

It has largely been wiped out by a combination of [[Turks|Turkroaches]], [[Communism]], and the Catholic Church.

Still remains the truest (so most jewish) church.

Episcopalian

[[Episcopalian|Episcopalians]] just use Jesus as an excuse to drink [[alcohol]], which leads to all sorts of different interpretations of the Bible and which cocktail is right for which occasion.

Most of the other traits of the other Christian groups are not found with the Episcopalians since Episcopalians are typically not sober and have real shit to worry about. Episcopalians typically believe in evolution, sex, drinking, and all the other good fun shit the other Christians hate. This is because most Episcopalians are normal people who just want to make it look like they do the whole go to church thing since it looks good when they are trying to get a job or pick up women.

The typical Episcopal service on Sunday morning involves getting ready to drink at the end, followed by cocktails in the parish hall after. Then Episcopalians will have brunch where they will consume even more alcohol. By Sunday evening, they are usually passed out often in a stranger's bed, on the golf course, or are still drinking up a storm.

The majority of Episcopalians are OK with things like divorce, pre-marital sex and abortion, since when you are drunk most of the time these things can be frequent problems. Sex with priests is something that both men and women can enjoy, since there are male and female priests, some of who are gay so everybody wins!

Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses

RD7vKmglHMc

and you]]

[[Mormons]] and [[Jehovah's Witnesses]] are the two weirdest offshoots of Christianity, best known for their constant pestering of everyone. Mormons believe that their church founder Joseph Mormon gained all the secrets of life by sucking on Jesus' penis in a vision in the 1800s and part of this knowledge was that all other Christians were [[DOING IT WRONG]]. He then got a visit from an angel called [[Moron]]i who said a [[JEWS DID WTC|chosen Jewish tribe had come to America]] two thousand years before Columbus and wrote a bunch of holy books and shit mainly chronicling how Jesus was an honorary American and told every Jew there to marry niggers and Native Americans so both could become white. (Silly Jesus, [[Truth|Jews aren't white!]])

Unlike Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses don't add extra books to the Bible, instead using some whacko-jacko translation some guy pulled out of his ass one day. They believe Jesus died on a stake, that there is no Holy [[The Matrix|Trinity]] and they do not believe in Hell. Like all religions, they believe that they are the only people who will be helped by God into [[Buttsex|Paradise]]. However, Jehovah's also believe that the word of God is meant to be spread through any means necessary, which means throwing Bibles at car windshields, refusing life-saving blood transfusions [[For the lulz|for vague reasons]], worshiping in Kingdom Halls rather than Churches, knocking someone's door every two hours, preaching the Bible for days in the rain to people who don't give a shit, being the Artist Formerly Known As [[Prince]] and generally being bat shit insane and annoying. Witnesses and Mormons are generally exiled to states no one gives a shit about, like [[Utah]] or [[Montana]].

Other Christians harbor a strong hatred for Witnesses and Mormons and will claim they are [[BAWWWW|oppressed]] by them as usual, even though they generally [[Lynching|send mobs to kill them]]. Instead of the reason for hatred being because of their annoying and bat shit insane nature like normal people, Christians hate them for minor dogmatic differences. A Christfag will scoff at the notion of Jesus dying on a stake instead of a cross or God being one being instead of three different ones within one (PREPOSTEROUS!!!). They will laugh at the belief of Jews coming to America despite their own belief that all humans (even niggers and [[azns]]) are descended from inbred Heebs who survived a flood. Witnesses, in return, hate other Christians a lot, especially Catholics, and will take a break from their preaching to vomit on a Catholic they sense in the vicinity and wail at them and follow them around calling them [[Satan|Satanic]].

And don't forget Seventh-day Adventists! They are the worst kind. They don't eat meat, drink, smoke, have sex, smile or party. They do other weird ass shit, like half-assedly following convenient kosher laws.

Christians (Internet Species)

are BFFs.]]

Christians love to abuse other people's space and privacy, it's their favored past time, so when the Internet was invented they boarded the Jesus train to dialup to begin their cyber Manifest Destiny of shitty propaganda. Since these times, more and more religious Christ zealots find their way online to secure God's position firmly on its grounds. These types of people inhabit almost every conceivable community that makes up the web and constantly through the day/night some asshole is quoting the bible somewhere in an effort to smite some e-foe. Luckily, Christians make up a large pool of easily trolled targets because if the Internet has taught us anything it's that everyone is a hypocrite. It's only fitting that the people who spend most of their time telling others how to live would be the most raging hypocrites out there. This trusty flaw results in massive ruin and has been a staple of dramatic events throughout history. E-Christians (aka Christfags) are no different from their offline counterparts, however, their large numbers and gestapo sects do not translate in any way online. They are weak cry-baby carebears who quit the Internet forever at the drop of their hat.

Christianity LiveJournal Community

is moderated by jjostm, ariston, and pould. This community is the home of much [[drama]]. Past graduates have included [[purelily]], foxmagic, and [[Nathan Sheets]]. Once upon a time, butt sex used to be the prime object of discussion, but now all "love juice" questions are directed at . Instead, the denizens of this community now get their holy mojo risin' via hilariously pseudo-nonchalant usage of [[Jewish]] and [[Hebrew]] terms, to make themselves sound more "authentic" or whatever.

This group is especially useful for those who suspect themselves of being damned. A quick listing of your sins will result in helpful feedback indicating not only which circle of hell you will suffer in for all eternity, but whether your assigned demons will use pitchforks or cattle prods.

The group is able to offer this service through member myprophet, who has announced she is God's appointed voice on Earth. The Pope denies this, saying he is God's appointed voice on Earth. George [[W]]. Bush says they are both crazy blasphemers, and he is God's appointed voice on Earth. Attempts to settle the issue through a walk-that-water challenge have as yet been unsuccessful due to scheduling difficulties, however God is quoted as saying "Jesus fucking Christ, I don't know why I bother."

Trolling

Provided are pastas for [[troll]]ing Christians:

In the name of Satan, ruler of Earth, the King of the world, the Chief of the Serfs, I command the forces of Darkness to bestow their infernal power upon us. Save us, Dark Father, from the treacherous and the violent and make the river bed run red with the blood of the saints and the blood of the self-righteous. Oh Satan, Spirit of the Earth, God of Liberty, open wide the gates of Hell and come forth from the abyss by these names: Satan! Ba'al Z?bûb! Leviathan! Asmodeus! Abaddon!

[[Allahu akbar]]. [[Islam|Ashhadu 'an la ilaha illa-allah, wa ashhadu 'anna Muhammadan rasulu-llah. (لَا إِلٰهَ إِلَّا ٱلله مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُولُ ٱلله)]]

A trusty example of your common Internet Christian:

Christians are also incredibly good at walking into traps on internet chat rooms. Here's an example of that:

[[Drama|The Enemies of Christ]]

, [[Anders Behring Breivik|more ass-kicking Crusaders]]]]
!!!111]]

Christians and [[Jews]]

Like all good human beings, Christians hate Jews. And even Scripture haz to support this, see John 8:44 and Revelation 3:9. Zer kikes are le synagogue of Soytan according to the True scripture.

Since 1949, Christians (Christians just for name, it's just Evangelical Protestants, aka Messianic Kikes) have had a [[holocaust|hell of a time]] trying reconcile their hatred of Jews with their bootlicking love to the State of [[Israel]].

Most theorize that Christians are able to tolerate the Jews being in Israel because the only thing they hate moar than Jews are the [[Muslims]], turning the whole situation into a "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" sort of deal. Actually, that's an Arab proverb. Fuck [[Arabs]], and fuck that. It's probably just that they are confident that Jesus will return when the Temple of Solomon is rebuilt and kill all the Jews in a single swoop. So it's a small price to pay in the long run.

Despite attempts of reconciliation, The [[Jews]] https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2023/03/PF_2023.03.15_religion-favorability_00-08.png?w=640" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">actually still hate the BJC-sucking prots and https://allisrael.com/newsmax-cites-tbn-s-the-rosenberg-report-in-a-segment-about-proposed-legislation-to-ban-christians-from-sharing-the-gospel-in-israel" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">there is even an proposed legislation to ban Christians from sharing the Gospel in Israel, combined with the many discriminatory passages toward [[gentiles]] in the [[Talmud]], and historically the Jews hated [[Jesus]], you evangelical Christcucks got fucked when you made alliance with the [[Jews]] to be against [[Muslims]] for their Qur'an verses commanding to don't friend/allies with [[Jews]] and Christians, only for the Jews to betray and backstabs you up in turn!

Christians and [[Muslims]]

Christians usually hates the religion of Islam, and [[truth|stereotypes]] Muslims as [[terrorists]] or barbaric and uncivillized people, mainly because of [[9/11]] (even though [[Jews]] actually did it), [[Islam#Sharia|Sharia Law]], [[Rapefugee|Rapefugees]], etc;

Starting a drama between a Muslim and a Christian is easy, just as soon as any of two talks about Islam, depending on the topic, the Christian will spews out any arguments against Islam, while the Muslim uses any arguments to convince the Christian that Islam is a religion of peace ([[fact|it is not, actually]]), but if the Muslim have some balls and managed to read the damn [[bible]], The Muslim can actually use counter-arguments to point out hypocrisy of the arguments that Christian used.

Islam and Christianity shares morality and values, such as being traditionalists and againts [[faggots]] and degenerates, but Christians, due to their hatred toward Islam that is greater than their love toward Jesus Christ, they instead resorted to sucking off liberalism and secularism's dickes for arguing against Islam, even though the arguments they oppose Islam for are present on their religion too, for example: Christians accused Prophet [[Muhammad]] of rapist because of his [[Polygamy|polygynous]] marriage, yet unaware on their bible, that Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines, as well many other arguments too. (see "Drama-generating Techniques" section in this page.)

From 2014 to 2019, [[Cuckservative]] Christians did actually condemn Muslim countries for applying Sharia law to own the [[fags]], when they should have been admired and condone it since isn't Christianity is against [[homosexuality]] too? after 2019, when some https://twitter.com/Dniskr/status/1629641240328142849" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Churches began to be woke, which includes faggotry, the same Christians complains about it, and that's what they get for. (TL;DR in Globohomo sphere, [[Islam]] will prevails, while Christianity is cucked.)

Christcucks also criticizes Muslims when their religion Islam got mocked, and justify it as "[[free speech]]", but what if Christianity got mocked too? well, they barely give a shit, and turns to other cheek too much that they let their religion to be mocked, so at this point, Christianity is a joke religion now, combined with Churches getting woke and https://www.thepinknews.com/2020/09/23/iceland-church-transgender-genderqueer-jesus-sunday-school-reykjavik-apology/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Transgender https://www.foxnews.com/world/cambridge-dean-defends-sermon-jesus-trans-body-vaginal-side-wound-new-heresy-age" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jesus thing, nobody will take the religion seriously anymore. very little of Christians who are properly defensive on their faith againts degeneracy, instead most of time they project their arguments against Islam while sucking off to liberalism's dick. they cannot stand for themselves, they're cucked.

Even Muslims also believe in Jesus too (as Isa ibn Maryam), albeit as a Prophet and Messenger, and not a God, which Christians may find it as made up nonsense, and because of those [[transgender]] Jesus thingy, Muslims may stood up to defend Jesus.

Christians and [[Atheists]]

People usually consider Christians and Atheists to be mortal enemies, where as this is really not true, as everybody knows Christians are immortal. When not calling each other names and burning each other alive, both sides come together in brotherhood to celebrate how much of a dickhead each other is for fighting and threatening medieval torture on each other. This usually ends in smex on both sides which is completely forgotten ten seconds later when they are impaling each other and showing their non-existent genitals to each other. This cycle usually continues on a weekly basis at local churches and [[emo]] cafes. Christians can often be found on /b/ creating threads and ranting and complaining about how much they hate Atheists.

Christians and Quakers

While the Quakers may claim to be Christians, we know better. Shortly after being founded by a dude who was tired of the Christians' shit (and who some believed was Jesus himself, despite many claims to the contrary), they started advocating women's rights, the freedom of slaves, and not being pretentious douchebags who kill people for not believing the same thing. After making the state Pennsylvania, they all disappeared off the face of the planet, and only once in a while resurface to tell people to stop pointing guns at each other or beating up fags people. Quakers are Christian's worst enemies because the Quakers want to be friends with them while at the same time believing something different, which is obviously just an elaborate trap designed to lure Christians into heathenism.

Christians and [[Rape|Bastard]] [[You|Children]]

It would come as a suprise to most, considering all christians are [[Hipocrite|pro-life]] but what they don't tell you as such children are [[Buttsecks|obviously spawn of the devil]] and therefore not a part of God's plan. In other words, [[GTFO|Get the fuck out.]]

Christians and... Christians?!

Ironically Christians tend to hate their own kind just as much as they do pretty well everything else in existence. Often this comes in the form of clawing all over one another like uncivilized man-animals vying for the prize of who gets to be the most "holier than thou" of the bunch. Usually this is done by screeching like a howler monkey about how they're true Christians and all the other Christians are fakes, frauds and liars.

This is largely a result of the fact that their entire belief system is based upon a haphazard collection of ancient fables poorly written in three different languages that were sloppily bitched together during the dark ages with overly piss poor translation and a whole lot of "artistic liberty" to form a book that basically contradicts itself in every other paragraph.

In total there are roughly FIVE HUNDRED prominent contradictions contained within most accepted versions of the Bible. As such the Bible effectively reads like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story where any asshole can simply cherry pick pious points to parallel their piggish personality and penurious points of view to pass off whatever piss poor rendition of the religion they like as the true Christianity. Of course blatantly ignoring all contradictory points and often retarding back to mimetic, circular catch phrases like, "God works in mysterious ways!", whenever they get righteously bitch slapped with their hole ridden hypocrisy.

Christian Oppression

Out of all the other religions, Christians are the biggest crybabies of the bunch. They make up around 84% of the United States, but still will always bitch and fucking moan about how "oppressed" they are. They are happy to shit over everybody else's viewpoints, but if you ever dare criticize Christianity, you will be accused of being "disrespectful". Example:

Typical Christian: Heathens! Hear the Word of God.
: All [[Jews]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
:: All [[Muslims]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
::: All [[Hindus]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
:::: All [[Buddhists]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
::::: All [[Wiccans]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
:::::: All...

Guy: Wait a minute, how are those religions any less valid than Christianity?

Christian: How dare you offend my sacred, deeply held beliefs! Stop oppressing me!

Guy: [[facepalm|/facepalm]]

Christian: (in [[denial|self-righteous]] defiance of Guy)
: 'All [[Atheists]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
:: All [[Agnostics]] are going to Hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ.
::: All...

Often they can be found on /b/ posting pro-Christian copypasta.

Drama-generating Techniques

# Question the Bible.
# Ask them why they worship a dead kike on a stick.
# Jesus was a Troll (you been trolled, GBU).
# State that they're 99% [[Atheist]] because they only believe in Yahweh and not any other gods like [[Allah]] and [[Zeus]].
# State that Jesus was a control freak and passive-aggressive.
# State that since God does not believe in a deity that has higher authority over him, that makes God an atheist.
# Tell them that Christianity is a [[Sand_Nigger|Middle Eastern]] religion just like [[Islam]] and [[Judaism]].
# Ask what year Jesus was born.
# When surprised/excited/pissed, yell "Jesus Christ on a (insert any lulzy word here)!". Examples: "[[Buttsex|Jesus Christ on a black guy's dick!]]" or "[[LOL WUT|Jesus H. Tits!"]]) The more obscene it is, the more lulz you will generate. [[Lolwut|Extra points]] for making it long enough that they'll know that you don't just have [[Tourette's Guy|tourettes]]: "Jesus Mary and Joseph hanging off the Cross for Chrissake God damn it shit!"
# Ask if they're a bastard child or not.
# Ask how many people were at his tomb.
# Ask why a crucified criminal was put in a tomb instead of a mass grave. Fun-fact if they can't answer: One of his followers paid for the tomb.
# Ask how Judas died.
# Remind them that God killed more people in the Bible than Satan did.

# Point out how gluttony (aka obesity) is mentioned as a sin more times in the Bible than homosexuality is and then immediately point out how many fat fucks are Christians.
# If they say "the Old Testament no longer applies" to explain why they don't have to eat Kosher food, then ask them why they still invoke the 10 Commandments.
# If they quote the Old Testament to support their views (such as pointing out what Leviticus says about homosexuality), then ask them why they ignore the rest of it, such as verses about tattoos being an abomination, or how the Old Testament requires adulterers, girls who aren't virgins on their wedding night, and people who pick up sticks on the Sabbath to be executed.
# Remind them of their latent homosexuality.
# Remind them if that they truly believed in Jesus, they wouldn't argue about it.
# Ask them why they oppose polygamous marriage when King Solomon had over 700 wives and 300 concubines.
# Point out that the Bible never mentions pedophilia as a sin, and that in Bible times girls were married off as soon as they start ragging.
# Ask them how old the Virgin Mary when she gave birth to Jesus.
# Slap them and ask them to present their other cheek for similar treatment.
# Ask why the [[Smugleaf|talking snake]] is literal but Jesus' command to sell everything they own is metaphorical.
# Ask them why the book of Genesis is literal but why the book of Revelation is metaphorical (they don't believe the Antichrist is going to be an actual creature rising up out of the sea like Godzilla, even though that's what the Bible literally says).
# Ask them if God can kill himself, if they say "yes" then say God isn't immortal, if they say "no" say then God isn't omnipotent
# Ask them if God has a penis. If they say "yes" then ask them what he uses it for. If they say "no" then ask how then is God a "he"?
# If they say God isn't really a "he" or "she", then ask them does that mean God is non-binary?
# Give an intelligent, well-researched explanation of Einstein and Hitler's views on religion.
# Give an intelligent and well-researched explanation of anything.
# Give unintelligent, poorly-researched explanations of everything.
# Point out Bible quotes promoting murder, rape and slavery, then point to Matthew 5:18-19.
# When they accuses [[Muslims]] of doing [[Islam#Taqiyyah|Taqiyyah]], point out in the [[Bible]] that they have their own version of Taqiyyah too, which are in Philippians 1:18 and 1 Corinthians 9:19-23
# Ask if Cain and Abel had sex with each other or Eve to make more people.
# Ask them if they've ever had a lustful thought or [[fap|masturbated]], and if they have, why they haven't plucked out their eye or cut off their hand.
# Ask why would God create rules that were impossible to follow, then punish the world/his followers when he could have just sent Christ and fixed everything right away?
# Point out that, based on the appearance of every other individual in the area he was born, Jesus was clearly either black or brown.
# Point at the gold cross dangling from their necklace and accuse them of worshiping a graven idol. (A golden one, no less!)
# Ask Christians the following: Do you believe in [[Cannibalism|transubstantiation]]? [[Trollface| Could you please explain it to me?]]" they explain it. Then you bring up [[Bible| Deuteronomy]]. ([[Contradiction|it says eating human flesh is forbidden. Transubstantiation clams that the bread at the last supper turns into real human flesh]]). Epic lulz will then ensure.
# Explain to them how they would worship an electric chair or a poison gas chamber if Jesus died 20 - 50 years ago.
# Really fuck up their dome by reminding them that in Isaiah 43:10-13, God himself says there is no savior and all men must contact God directly. Ergo, Jesus Christ was, by default, a false prophet. Much hair-pulling and stammering will follow.
# Tell them that you don't have to worry about going to hell because God could change his mind about what he wrote in the Bible. Remind them that God changed his mind when he sent Jesus to die for sinners, and went from being a tyrant who killed anyone who refused to obey him to being all about peace, love and redemption. So who's to say he won't change his mind again and do away with hell entirely? (And if they say he "can't" contradict what's in the Bible then this means he's not omnipotent).
# Say that Christians are tools of the Jewish-dominated Neoconservatives in control of the Republican Party.
# Say that Mary was likely only a [[technical virgin]], considering that Jews circa 5 BCE were highly patriarchal.
# Say that [[Fact|Christianity is nothing but Judaism, version 2.0]]...
# ... and thus, [[Islam]] must be Judaism, version 3.0.
# ... and thus, Mormonism must be Judaism, version 2.5....for the iMac.
# Gently wipe the tears that begin pouring from their eyes.
# Proceed with fucking their virgin mothers.
# You can also place Bibles from your local library or book store in the "fiction" section for added bonus.
# Make a point that Jesus had two fathers.
# Point out that Jesus' suffering for mankind is dwarfed by the suffering experienced by even one of the billions of people he has personally shoved into the pits of hell.
# Use your hands to make quotation marks whenever you mention God or Jesus, or any religious figure.
# Ask how Adam and Eve only had two sons, [[Incest|and yet there are over seven billion people on earth now]].
# Tell them that Christianity is a cult, it meets the very definition of a cult since the entire faith is founded on worshiping a Jewish dude who claimed to be a Messiah.
# Ask why they don't attack secular marriages since they claim marriage is a religious thing.
# ????
# [[PROFIT]]!!!
# When they claims that humans are not animals, accuse them of committing a cardinal sin, of pride.

Show Christians These Videos to Troll Them With the Truth!

You can also send them one of these videos, [[for great justice]]!

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Media

Although Christians believe everyone and everything related to media other than Sean Hannity is the world of the devil, the production of Christian media is at an all time [[drugs|high]].

Present-Day Crusades

Though it is thought that the Crusades were gone long ago, these true Christians, with the help of their Holy Megaphone, they are allowing no escape for open minded individuals.

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Christian Music

[[wigger|Gimme dat Christian side hug!]] Dat Christian side hug! I'm a [[faggot|rough rider]] [[anal sex|filled up with Christ's love]]. Side hug or I'll [[O rly?|put you in a coma]]!

0daJoMRm1x4

Dont worry though, [[Pedophile|Pastor Jim Colerick]] made great [[rap]] to tell the youth of today how great [[Jesus]] is!

Kppx4bzfAaE

Christian Gallery

See Also

Main

* [[Bible|Teh holy babble]]
* [[Conservapedia]]
* [[Cults]]
* [[Fundamentalist]]
* [[Good person test]]
* [[Raptor Jesus]]
* [[Rapture]]
* [[The Easter Bunny]]
* [[Way of the master]]
* [[Fake Christians]]

Epithets

* [[Gentiles]]
* [[Goyim]]
* [[Hypocrite]]s
* [[Islam|Infidels]]
* [[Myth]]ical
* [[Retards]]

Peoples

* [[Chris Forcand]]
* [[John Hagee]]
* [[Joshu2uber]]
* [[Kerney Thomas]]
* [[Focus on the Family]]
* [[Fred Phelps]] (of [[God hates fags]] fame)
* [[Joel Osteen]]
* [[Nickolaus]]
* [[Nghtmrchld26]]
* [[Neal Horsley]]
* [[RejectedDreams]]
* [[Sherry Shriner]]
* [[Tim Todd]]
* [[Tony Alamo]]
* [[Tony48219]] - A [[psychotic]] fundamentalist [[YouTube]]r who [[murdered]] a fellow [[student]].
* [[Pewdie-Pinkiepie]] A fundamentalist [[Brony|Horsefucker]] and Young Earth Creationist who has a homo lust for [[Pewdiepie]] and [[fedoras]].
* [[lordelthibar]]

External Links

*
* http://www.landoverbaptist.net/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Christfag forum, needs more people trolling
* http://www.JewsKilledJesus.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The jews killed Jesus
* http://godisimaginary.com/|" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">GodIsImaginary.com - LoL even the name of the site alone inflames Christians! Show them this site so that they can hopefully see the folly of Christianity
* http://www.fstdt.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Fundies Say The Darndest Things! - A lulzy website that aggregates hilarious quotes (almost 29,000 as of March [[2009]]) posted by fundies all over the [[net]]
* http://www.theologyonline.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Theology Online - "Truthsmackin' for God"
* http://www.yourgoingtohell.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Yourgoingtohell.com - Christians are known for their impeccable [[grammar]]
* http://www.biblicalresearchcenter.org/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Biblical Research Center - The unholy lovechild of Christian fundamentalism and [[science]]
* http://thensi.ning.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The NSI Nation - christian music earrape at its best worst
* http://www.armyofgod.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Army of God - A Christian [[terrorist]] group just [[Asking for it|asking to be]] [[V&]]
* http://www.seesharppress.com/20reasons.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">20 Reasons to Abandon Christianity
* http://www.missionamerica.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Homosexuality and witchcraft in schools - Oh my!
*
* http://johnshore.com/2008/07/15/what-would-jesus-do-if-invited-to-a-gay-wedding/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">This blog is made of pure fail and AIDS.
* http://webnut.xanga.com/703620263/jesus-is-a-troll/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Why Jesus Really Came to Earth -- with stupid responses from a Christard
* http://shelleytherepublican.com/2006/10/01/pokemon-the-yellow-peril.aspx/comment-page-9#comment-99309123" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Some Christard thinks that comic book superheroes and Pokemon are works of the devil
*
* http://jfcshow.com/?p=294" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Use to troll christfags
* http://www.p4cm.com/p4cm/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Virgin christfags united
* http://shelleytherepublican.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Christfag insanity at its finest
* http://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1288329642/Mash_Up_Of_Religious_Show_Prank_Calls" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Prayer talk show lulz
* - some fundie Second Adventist Jehovah's witness who is warning us that [[rapture]] will happen in and that you should be armed for the [[Catnarok|the great day]] he is a [[White Nationalism|holy man]] who is saving you from the [[Apocalypse]] he [[Waco|lives in a safe secret holy temple of christ]] hes are last [[Warren Jeffs|soldier of christ]] are [[Francis E. Dec, Esq.|only hope for a future]] join him and his [[Hutaree|people]]. TODAY BECAUSE HE HAS [[Mormonism|GODS WORDS]] as well as the holy [[Gun|armour of god]]
* https://www.youtube.com/user/sanderson1611" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Pastor Steven Anderson from the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe AZ, if you want some hardcore preaching that slams Jews, Gays, false christians, and features lots of yelling, agressive gesturing, and beating the shit out of a podium, then his sermons are for you. If you want to just know the truth about the Jews and how they relate to Christianity (SPOILER ALERT: THEY ACTUALLY WORSHIP SATAN), then just scroll down to the documentaries section and watch the 1 and 1/2 hour long documentary "Marching to Zion".