Look what I get to do. I wake up, and go surfing in the morning before work. Then I change in my car and head off to my job where I make 110,000 a year. I work for 6 hours, then come home. I can listen to music, and even go on /b/ if I'm ahead schedule.
Then I get off work, and get to come home and relax in front of my 21" LCD monitor, which has a custom build, Quad-Core Processor, and have 2 8800 ULTRA video cards. 8 gigs or ram. 1 TB HD for games and other progs, and an external 1 TB HD for porn, and movies. I've also got a $500 chair, that is comfortable as fuck, and a 9.1 surround system, in my room and my living room. I can run Crysis on Very High and get 50 FPS. Every other game runs flawlessly. I also have a t1 internet connection for downloading anything I want within minutes. I never lag in a game.
I've got a [[Fleshlight]], and have a 10 grand real doll I'm considering buying. Yes, I've had a gf before, and this feels pretty damn close. 9/10 to a real pussy. I recommend the wonder wave to other anons. I've got a 72 Camero I rebuilt, and put about 50 grand into. It's fucking bad ass. I've also got a nice 2 story home. Have been making 90k-110k the last 5 years.
I have absolutely no stress in my life. No worthless cunt nagging, no worthless cunt expecting me to buy her shit, entertain her, etc...It's amazingly relaxing. If I had a gf, or a wife I would not have half the cool shit I do right now. All the time I spend on hobbies and other things would be sucked up. Women are fucking worthless money grubbing, attention whoring...WHORES
/spit
I encourage you anons to do the same. Become successful, and live a wonderful single life. Don't take those bitches shit. They only cause stress. Relax and enjoy your life /b/rothers.
(Don't even try to copypaste this, because everyone with a brain knows that anyone on /b/ doesn't have a job)
There was only one way: Snacks.
W.T. Snacks, ex-girlfriend of said Moot, was the only way to solve the cancer that was killing /b/. They decided to meet eventually.
As soon as poor Snacks entered Moot's humble little adobe, she was pounced upon. Thrown to the couch, she was quickly stripped of her tight, constricting and beautiful schoolgirl outfit.
Now both Snacks and Moot were in their beautiful lingerie. It begun.
Moot climbed over Snacks on top of the couch, a slight purr to her neko lips, as she leaned down to gently plant those lips on Snacks' face. Quickly, the blonde, teenage girl struggled and squealed under the neko's grasp, but it was futile. Moot had the upper hand.
That upper hand quickly lowered itself, one of Moot's soft, milky hands slowly caressing one of Snacks' delicious breasts, the other intertwined tightly in the smooth blonde hair of the girl beneath her. She replied with a quiet gasp, turning into a soft, shivering moan, as the nekogirl began to molest her.
Snacks' back arched in pleasure as she crawled out from under Moot, sitting back against the couch. Moot slid off, onto her knees, in front of the beautiful loli, and then began her work.
She pulled aside Snacks' panties, revealing the tiniest sprinkle of silky blonde pubic hair, and the perfectly symmetrical, tightened folds of Snacks' virgin cunt. Her semi-rough neko tongue tentatively stuck out, a hand on each of the girl's thighs. As the tongue dragged along sweet, damp lips, Snacks let out a whimper and a moan of delight, squirming from Moot's ever-so-soft kisses.
As Snacks' love juices emptied themselves into Moot's mouth, her tongue dug deeper, her delicious flat chest grinding up against Snacks' leg. Her own wetness was approaching, plus...something a little different, and Snacks' eyes went wide in shock as she realized the truth. Moot had a penis.
The shock quickly subsided into gasps and mewls of love as Moot did her best to pleasure her slit. and eventually Snacks could not resist that pleasure. Her back arched and out rang a loving, passionate moan as she orgasmed, juices finding their way to coat Moot's face and chest.
Moot herself could stand it no more. She stood up and dropped her panties, exposing her slim, yet exotic six inch shaft in front of Snacks, pulsating and throbbing in Anticipation. Snacks could not resist. Her legs spread wide, and her fingers held her sopping wet pussy open.
The neko futa descended upon Snacks. Almost immediately she was at it, her cock slipping inside Snacks' warm, inviting orifice, beginning to pound mercilessly, crushing her virginity. The larger girl yelped in pain, then mewled in delight, wrapping her arms around Moot's loli frame. Moot's tongue found it's way to Snacks' nipple, suckling on it like a newborn child as one hand groped Snacks' other breast, the other tweaking and playing with Snacks' clit as they mated in passion.
Plowing through each of the blonde girl's orgasms, Moot continued to suckle and kiss her breast, pleasure flooding both girls' senses as final orgasms approached. All the hatred, all the bans and horrors of /b/, to this moment, were now drowned in one last second of ecstasy.....
...and then there was no more. Moot almost screamed out in delight as she came, shooting her neko seed deep into Snacks' womb. She could only twitch and shudder in response as their fluids mixed inside Snacks' tight cunt.
They lay there for several minutes, when suddenly, Moot's mother entered the house. As she gazed upon the form of her son/daughter, shaft eagerly buried within the wet tunnel of Snacks, she became scared. She said, "You're moving with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air!"
I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say this cab was rare, but I thought naw forget it, "Yo Holmes, to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and yelled to the cabbie, "Yo Holmes, smelled you later!" Looked to my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.
I'd have to say that this board is full of anonymous lurkers, attackers, and trolls, who have nothing better to do than throw their elitist opinions around in an attempt at misguided show-boating with people they'd never ever meet.
None of you build any persona or stand by anything remotely attached that I can feel some sort of personal connection to. You lack any sort of direction and I can't have that. You're analogies are far too complicated, linear, and they're rather contradictory. Why, there's never even any variety here!
I give this image board, masquerading as a message board, a 1/10.
I used to work at a pizza joint called Papa Gino's, which is a chain here in New England. Today, two guys came in, and they were very obviously a couple. Never in my life have I seen people this blatantly gay. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bleeding heart liberal hippie treehugger commie bastard, and I'm even bisexual myself, but DAMN these two were gay. Everything was going fine, right up until I served them their food. Instead of the usual "enjoy your meal" bit that I usually say, /b/ seized control of my brain.
"There you are, guys. Enjoy your AIDS." As soon as that A passed my lips, alarm bells went nuts in my head. But it was too late. I didn't realize what I had just done until I had finished speaking. The two guys just stared at me in shock for a moment, and I went pale. I knew that my days of free pizza and all the Mountain Dew I could drink were over in that one instant.
The two dudes go APESHIT. My manager comes over, and there's screaming about hate crimes, bigotry, lawsuits, and one of them even stood up and threatened to beat the shit out of me. We got into a fight, and my manager got scared, and said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.
I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.
While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.
As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.
I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.
That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.
I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.
While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”
When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.
Oh, let's all get the warp whistle and warp to "big world"! Too bad big world isn't fucking fun, like the rest of this game. The entire thing is designed to anger and frustrate you. Oh, you get Kuribo's shoe on one fucking level! Wow, pardon me while I make the universal motion for a handjob. Kuribo's shoe fucking sucked. What did it do, exactly? It let you JUMP ON THINGS, something you were able to do the entire fucking game. Oh, also you looked gay.
There are some interesting power-ups in the game, such as Tanookie Mario, Hammer Mario, and Frog Mario. But guess what? You can get them on like 2 levels total, and if you fuck up and get hit ONCE, you lose them, FOREVER. Wow, that's fun! I love games that demand I play perfectly or have no fun, because I'm a fucking jap who strives for absolute perfection in gaming otherwise I kill myself.
Mario 3 may have been interesting or fun at one time, but the game is a worthless piece of shit in today's day and age. It's horribly flawed and full of punch-in-the-dick moments, much more so than it has moments that are just fun to play.
Because of my "best friend" fucking me over I don't feel comfortable opening myself up and extending my emotions.
In the past couple of years I have attempted relationships. I really have. But it hurts so bad when I see the same thing happen all over again...my newer best friend gets buddy buddy with the girl I love and I am blocked out of her life. She gets other boyfriends and I try to show her how much I love her. I really fucking tried. That guy was no good...I was trying to help when I brought that knife. He deserved a good stabbing. Not that he got one...I just wanted to look manly in front of her.
I pretty much gave up on her - let's call her "J" - a few months ago, and have since moved onto her friend. I think she's different...she actually sees past my semi-autistic features to my personality. I even went to the school ball with her. She kinda ignored me the whole night and flinched every time I tried to dance with her or speak to her, but it still shows progress right? Let's call *her* "K".
Some inferior woman-thing tried seducing me. She tried to distract me from my real love. We dated for a couple weeks, kinda, but only because I was so messed up at the time and didn't know what I really wanted. I broke up with her though because I can't really handle anything right now. My life is pretty intense at the moment. Maybe things will get better when I move to the city.
I sit down on the couch and they both take a seat on either side of me. I hand them each a remote and instead of standing up to play, they snuggle up to me. I start em out on Tennis, and we're all sitting there laughing at their attempts to play.
One thing that really get them is how the Wiimote vibrates when they hit the ball. After a few games one of them says that she can smell pot, and asks if I've got anymore.
Imagine my luck, two hot girls wanna get high with me alone in my house. So we all take a few hits, and they're laughing harder than ever.
We keep playing for a while, trying out different games, until one of them presses the Wiimote to her nipple as it vibrates.
She does a real fake pornstar moan and laughs, but I can see her nipple standing out through the shirt.
Right now, my dick is rock hard and almost poking out through my pants
I take the Wiimote and laughing with them say, "Watch" as I put it over my crotch and it vibrates.
They think this is hilarious, but I can see that they've noticed my boner. One of them takes the Wiimote from me and does than same, except she's practically jamming the Wiimote into herself through her pants.
So here I am, sitting in my basement while these two girls are practically fucking each other with my Wiimotes. I'm thinking, wow, how much better can this get?
Then the one on my right takes off her pants. She's not laughing, just smiling and saying "This thing is almost as good as what I use at home." My mouth is hanging open, and the other girl is just laughing and watching.
We're in Tennis mode and she starts rubbing herself, moaning each time the remote vibrates.
Now the other girl takes my Wiimote and does the same, taking off her pants. This time, though, she goes right for it and jams the whole thing in herself.
Without even thinking, I'm rubbing myself in my pants, almost ready to come. The first girl looks over at me and says, "What? Are you getting jealous?" With a smile she puts down the Wiimote and leans over, she takes off my jeans and my erection pops out through my boxers.
She kneels in front of me, while the other girl starts kissing at my face. I was surprised I hadn't come already, I guess it was the weed slowing down my physical functions.
All I see is her smiling face inching down to my rigid cock mouth agape, the other one is watching too, rubbing herself while she jams her tongue into my open mouth.
I feel her warm, moist mouth envelop my cock. I can tell she’s having trouble getting it all in, but the feeling is amazing. Slowly she works my cock in her mouth, wrapping her tongue around the head, licking it as he work in and out.
The other girl pries herself away from my mouth long enough to grab the Wiimote and come up behind the brown haired girl, eagerly sucking away at my penis.
She leans over and starts working the Wiimote in and out of her friends vagina, now dripping with fluid. She starts moaning while sucking my cock, imagine this sound, mouth full of my member and moaning loudly.
I can feel myself reaching orgasm, I try to tell her, but my mouth won’t move, I’m lost in the heavenly sensation of her tongue and mouth. She pulls off just as I start to come and says, "Mmm, are you almost done? My mouth is getting-"
She never finishes, I cum loads into her face, she gasps in surprise and more shoots into her mouth.
She laughs and smiles, her friend still working the Wiimote in and out of her pussy, she licks the semen off her face as more spills out into her cleavage.
Her friend pauses for a moment, just long enough to come around and lick the jizz of her breasts.
We fooled around for a bit longer after than, and eventually I showed them both how good I was at Wii Sports . . . among other things.
I know who you are. You're almost invariably male, Caucasian, middle-class. Your parents were normal, vanilla folks. Maybe you had a sibling or two.
You went to a public school, pulling high or middlish grades with ease and relative disinterest. You didn't really gel with most of the other kids; you found them boring, they found you weird. Your contempt for the average person grew with your age, never seizing control like in some emo dipshit, but simmering casually in the back of your head. When some asshole who could barely read got hurt, you probably laughed. When some stuck-up skank got herpes, you probably smiled. Chances are you got on well enough with your teachers; you weren't a preening asshole like many of your peers, at least showed vague interest in learning, and perhaps the teacher sensed and picked up on your general contempt for others in your classes. This trend no doubt continued into college, if you had the motivation to bother.
It's a bit of an exaggeration to say you hate women: you don't, after all, enjoy the socializing game. You're probably no Don Juan, either. You long ago began to think of women as disappointingly petty, but you still hope to encounter someone interesting at some time or another.
You enjoy being anonymous because it is a release from the normal world: no anonymous has an identity, no anonymous is a preening faggot. Anonymous realizes he is just a guy fucking around on the internet. Anonymous knows others of his kind enjoy this fact, too. You despise the furfag, the gaiafag, the internet tuff guy for one simple reason: he acts like the internet is the real world, a place where actions should have social consequences and where there needs to be a pecking order. Needless to say, you do not approve.
Here's a present!
All do Phonesex. Most are also NewFags And/Or Asks for it from /b/
478-232-4484
423-878-2942
903-819-1636
808-388-0068
972-978-1063
972-249-8314
214-507-6391
469-274-8930
214-725-0040
214-926-1686
714-383-1602
903-818-5333
903-819-1416
972-822-8098
972-262-2424
214-908-7986
214-507-6391
682-533-5899
940-782-9683
828-361-9677
703-895-8621
703-330-9780
903-818-5333
860-301-0012
AMERICAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER?
DO YOU WANT A PIZZA?
AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS A MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A
SERB IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A CEVAPCICI?
DO YOU WANT A PODVARAK?
SERB IS PIG DISGUSTING
SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC IS A MURDERER
FUCKING SERBIA
ALBANIAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A SHOPSKA?
DO YOU WANT A SKENDERBEG?
ALBANIAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
FATMIR SEJDIU IS A MURDERER
FUCKING KOSOVA
POLE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A PIEROGI?
DO YOU WANT A KIELBASA?
POLE IS PIG DISGUSTING
LECH KACZYŃSKI IS A MURDERER
FUCKING POLAND
GERMAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A SAUERKRAUT?
DO YOU WANT A PUMPERNICKEL?
GERMAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
HORST KÖHLER IS A MURDERER
FUCKING GERMANY
SOUTHERN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A VIRGINIA HAM?
DO YOU WANT A CORN GRITS?
SOUTHERN IS PIG DISGUSTING
JEFFERSON FINIS DAVIS IS A MURDERER
FUCKING C.S.A
YANKEE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A FREE NIGGER?
DO YOU WANT A UNIFIED REPUBLIC?
YANKEE IS PIG DISGUSTING
ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A
PIRATE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A TREASURE?
DO YOU WANT A RUM?
PIRATE IS PIG DISGUSTING
ED TEACH IS A MURDERER
FUCKING PIRATES
SON OF BITCH ALIENS
DO YOU WANT ZERG RUSH?
DO YOU WANT KEKEKEKEKE?
ZERG IS PIG DISGUSTING
THE OVERMIND IS A MURDERER
FUCKING STARCRAFT FAGS
SMART PEOPLE IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A HIGH IQ?
DO YOU WANT A SOCIAL SKILLS?
SMART PEOPLE IS PIG DISGUSTING
EINSTEIN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING MENSA
JAVA IS PIG
DO YOU WANT OBJECT ORIENTED?
DO YOU WANT SHORT CIRCUIT?
JAVA IS PIG DISGUSTING
SUN MICROSYSTEMS IS A MURDERER
FUCKING JAVA
PHOTOSHOP IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A LENS FLARE?
DO YOU WANT A SELECTIVE COLOR?
PHOTOSHOP IS PIG DISGUSTING
THOMAS KNOLL IS A MURDERER
FUCKING CS3
SON OF A BITCH BOLSHEVIK
BOLSHEVIK IS PIG
DO YOU WANT SCORCHED EARTH POLICY?
DO YOU WANT SOME BLITZKRIEG?
BOLSHEVIK IS PIG DISGUSTING
LENIN IS A MURDERER
FUCKING BOLSHEVIK
SON OF A BITCH TSAR
TSAR IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A DISSOLUTION OF THE DUMA?
DO YOU WANT A WAR WITH JAPAN?
TSAR IS PIG DISGUSTING
NICHOLAS II IS A MURDERER
FUCKING TSAR
and we came up with this answer: they're jealous!
Let's see why:
*1) We got awesome resistance against the sun. Enjoy being burned.
*2) We are more fit, we can outrun any white male anytime. even CHUCK NORIS?!?
*3) We got bigger dicks.
*4) Girls dig us better.
*5) We have very wide social circles. White people have forgot how to live in society.
*6) We got rhythm. We can dance, rap, sing, make music, you name it!
*7) A black chick wouldn't date a white boy. On the other hand, white girls would drop their white boyfriend anytime for a black guy if given the chance.
*8) We're simply cooler. Admit it, maybe it wasn't the case some 200 years ago, but nowadays being white sucks whereas being black is cool as hell.
*9) We got a sense of what family is about.
*10) We get MANY children so that our genes will last long on this motherfucking earth, not like your average pathetic two children.
*11) If you don't die a virgin, and happen to get a daughter...chances are she'll be sucking and swallowing black dicks :)
I could be going on and on and on but you get the point by now.
Enjoy being white, sucker :)
It was my lunch hour. I needed Scotchgard. I went to the Wal-Mart down the road to procure some. Little did I know that this would become a battle with my own sanity before I left.
Now, I can't say that I've been shopping for Scotchgard in recent memory, so I wasn't exactly sure where to find it. My best guess placed me in the aisle with all of the household cleaning supplies. No go. So I went an aisle over to find some immigrant worker stocking paper towels. Clearly, this guy would know where to find the Scotchgard. Or, at least, that's what I thought at first.
"Excuse me, Sir? I'm looking for Scotchgard," I say.
The man looks up from his work, standing up to a good three and a half feet tall. Apparently, this particular Wal-Mart was looking to meet its Oompa Loompa quota. "Scotchgard?" he asks?
"Yeah, Scotchgard."
He stares at me blankly for a few seconds. "Spray?" he confusedly replies.
Oh, Jesus. This was a mistake. "Yes, it's a spray."
So, Oompy Boy takes me back to the aisle I was just in, points into it, and declares "Spray." Then, he walks off. And so we have strike one. I set off again to locate somebody that both worked there AND spoke English, a task that would prove nigh-impossible.
I eventually run into this old lady dragging a cart of boxes around. I ask her where the Scotchgard is. She replies that it's either in the aisle I was just in, or in the aisle with the carpet cleaners. Well, I was just in the aisle I was just in, and couldn't find the Scotchgard even with the assistance of a little orange man. I relayed this information to the lady.
She took me back to the aisle I was just in, anyways. I hate people.
As soon as the lady realized that there was not, in fact, any Scotchgard in this aisle, I was pointed in the direction of carpet cleaners about halfway across the store. I embarked on my journey at once. I soon arrived, but alas, no Scotchgard. The carpet cleaners section contained, amazingly enough, only carpet cleaners.
Apparently not having suffered enough from my previous two encounters, I again set out to seek the assistance of a salesperson. Each attempt proved increasingly difficult, as salespeople at this particular Wal-Mart were about as elusive as naked women at the Neverland Ranch. I had made it all the way to pool supplies before I managed to catch up to one unable to scurry away from me before I could plead for help, possibly because her fat ass seemed to weigh in excess of a metric ton. I ask her where I can find some Scotchgard.
"Scotchgard?" she asks.
Oh, Jesus. Here we go again. "Yeah, Scotchgard."
"Check the cleaning supplies aisle over in groceries," she suggests.
Yeah, that wasn't going to fly. I politely inform her that her suggested avenue had already been explored, and that she had best provide a more suitable answer before I buried my foot deep inside of her size-52 ass.
"Umm... hardware?" she says.
This was not a more suitable answer. My reply, though nonverbal, seemed to convey my feelings on the subject. Long live the power of the facepalm!
So, Tubby walks me over to another sales assistant, who she then proceeds to ask, "Yo Quiero Scotchgard?"
The other associate turns to look at her and then, in perfect English, replies, "what's Scotchgard?"
Oh, God. Butterball spent a few seconds trying to explain it to her before finally turning to me and again pointing me in the direction of hardware. Eager to be away from the hungry clutches of a hideous beast likely to eat me at her next feeding time, I left for hardware.
Upon entering hardware, I encounter a Hispanic lady that strongly resembled Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue, only with more tattoos and considerably less attractive. I asked her where I may procure so Scotchgard and was pointed towards automotives. Fine. Automotives sounded like a better idea than hardware, so I went to go check it out. Alas, still no Scotchgard.
So, I head back to the hardware whore and demand that I be shown to the Scotchgard in automotive. She complies, and I back off to automotives with the bassist from Motley Crue in tow. She searches for a little while, but is unable to find the object of my desire. Another sales rep, who was apparently lord and master of the automotive section appeared and was flagged down for help by the bitch from hardware. After presented with the situation, the Queen of Automotive Land formally declared that Scotchgard had been discontinued.
Right. Scotchgard has been discontinued. And I'm the king of fucking Spain.
The Automotive Mistress begins a long speech about how unpopular products are discontinued after awhile and I will have nothing of it. I cut her off and ask if they have any of a product just like Scotchgard. I am taken and dragged deep into the bowels of automotives in search of this mysterious substitute.
Automotives Whore points me towards some leather polish. Way to go. I take this moment to explain two things to her. First, leather polish is not Scotchgard, nor is it an acceptable substitute, nor is it even the same product. Secondly, the product on the shelf directly underneath what she had pointed me to was, in fact, Scotchgard. I then claim my prize with a satisfied grin upon my face.
"Well, that's not the same kind," the Queen of automotives declared in an apparent attempt to save face.
Not the same kind? What the hell? It's fucking Scotchgard! Granted, it's Scotchgard for autos, but all that means is that the picture on the front of the can is a car seat instead of a sofa. Apparently, this was too much for my friend to handle. I removed myself from her presence in disgust.
On the way back to the register, I decided to stop and get some KY Jelly. Even though I buy it frequently at Wal-Mart (I use it a lot), I had some difficulty locating it at this particular store. I did not, however, at any point stoop to asking salespeople for help finding it. Given my past experience, I probably would have been led to either maple syrup or tampons (which, coincidentally, were right next to the KY).
On that note, Wal-Mart cashiers give you some WEIRD looks when you buy two tubes of KY and a can of Scotchgard.
*1. u all racist
*2. u pale as hell
*3. u fuckin stupid
*4. u stereotype niggas cuz u all dumb
*5. ur fat
*6. u look like marshmallows
*7. u look like gluesticks
*8. u close minded
*9. u jus straight up bitch
*10. u make me sick
*11. u all like fishin for sum reason
*12. u all have dogs
*13. u think u a good race when u ain't even human
*14.u look ugly as hell
*15.u a disgrace
*16. u think u know bout niggas so much when u don't
*17. u all got faggot ass voices
*18. u speak like British ppl
*19. u all gay
*20. u have no place in hiphop so u shud stop listenin to it
I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend. When I saw them together, I got so furious, I slit their throats with my pocketknife. Then, I buried the two bodies and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!"
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
What is syrup of ipicuc?
Should I go to the hospital?
Do you really want to be 40 years old and look back to your 18-25 years and realize you pissed them away in fits of loneliness playing RPGs and crying yourself to sleep? I know most, if not all of you, had no real childhood or high school experiences because you were too busy being [[antisocial]] losers. Change that, now. How much greater would your life be now had you worked up the courage to talk to that one girl and go to the prom with her? Wouldn't high school have been amazing if you actually went out with friends on the weekend and saw movies? This is why you people love anime so much, because it portrays these perfect people going through high school living the lives YOU wish you could have lived back then.
Stop wasting your time on the Internet. Look outside and see the trees and the sun. Please. There is a world out there. There are interesting people all over. Why do you want to throw away what is left of your life playing fictional RPGs when real life is one big RPG with real consequences and relationships?
Are you just afraid? I mean, look at me, I own this boat.