Copypasta/Archive 5

Archive 5

Shit was [[So cash|SO CASH]]

Hey Faggots,

My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my bitch

For [[moar]] on this particular copypasta, along with its many variations, see "[[So cash]]".

Why is /b/ so racist?

Why is /b/ so racist?

I'm currently in a relationship with a wonderful black man and it really pisses me off when I see you guys using the "N" word all the time.

Are y'all just jealous that brothas know how to please women in ways you weak little white boys never will? You need to stop hatin cause you know you'd never say any of this to black folks in real life.

Girl Gamer

Hey /b/, I'm a girl gamer.

No I'm not fat.
No I won't make you a sandwich.
No I'm not ugly.
No I don't go out with guy gamers, because they're usually socially retarded and ugly.
Yes my boyfriend is a bit of a jock, so what?
No I won't show you my tits, so don't fucking ask.

And finally.

Yes, we do fucking exist, so stop saying otherwise. And we enjoy games (SHOCK HORROR) just as much as men.

I have a story, about my boobs.

Hey guys, I am 14 years old, and I have boobs.
One day I was asleep in my bed, than I wolk up to a very surprising treat, I had boobs. I felt very astonished. Why would the good lawrd jebus give poor old Zurela boobs? My first instinct was to call my boyfriend and tell him, so I did. I knew we would abuse my love for my "Chesticles" but I didn't mind. So later on in the day he came over, and he was astonished too. My mother had not yet noticed, but my father had to check for breast cancer, thankfully he did, he checked for 7 and a half hours and found nothing, he said he needs to check everyday because my mom had it once and he didn't want to loose me like he lost my mom, cause she died. Anyways so my Boyfriend came over and he checked too, apparently Breast cancer is a very serious disease, but I didn't tell him about dada because I know he just wanted to be sure because he loved me. So after about a hour or two of that we played WoW and we lvled up, he told me I gave him an "erevecton" you know, that thing when it forces you outta the house, but I just ignored the comment because I am not his landlord, I just think he was being silly. He went home, and dad told me the power of boobs, and he told be if I have to be under heavy surveillance in the shower because if I don't scrub my "boobs' enough a demon will come out and kill us all. This is how mom died, so he says. So I washed this thoroughly and he made sure they are clean Enough. I really love how my boobs made everyone care about me more, and ladies I had no idea the upkeep of these things, so if there is any more tips I need, please tell me!

Thanks for Reading

The Source

What has happened here.
I came here since I just got banned from 4chan. For raiding the imageboards themselves. They even enjoyed it.
I was banned forever. Appeal failed. My browser never knew the name of other chans before...since now.
Now I know pure origins. Now I know that the forbidden fruit of other chans is the best.
Now I know /desu/. I know /cake/. I know where my secret fetishes are hidden.
I say that the very fruit 4chan is hiding from it's members is a appeal to destroy them. Again. From the inside.
Or shall we...?
The world will never know...

[New post starts here, after it gets some momentum]
>>[Original post]
OP here.
WHAT THE FUCK.
All I can say is, go on. I know it's the story of everyone who's on 7chan.

Puerto Rico

A few years back, when I was living in Puerto Rico, I had to take care of my uncle's dog for a while. He was a big Golden Retriever and his name was Sasu. After about 3 days, I was extremely turned on and without a boyfriend, so this dog in my pussy seemed like a pretty good idea. One day, I decided to go for a walk and take the dog with me. I was conveniently wearing a skirt and once we reached a pretty secluded street, I pulled up my skirt and got on all fours. At first the dog just sniffed my butt around but once he got the idea, he got on top of me and started humping my butt through my panties. He kept banging against my clit and my juices were flowing to pretty much everywhere. I didn't let him inside me yet because I was too afraid. I mean, think about it. That's pretty fucking gross. But anyways. Whenever I got back home, I sat on the front porch. My uncle had come back and was ready to pick up the dog but he was inside talking to my sister. My uncle told me to stay outside with Sasu for a while, so I did. While we were out there, I was sitting on a bench with my legs spread open and Sasu kept trying to stick his nose in my crotch. Usually, I'd push his face away and close my legs, but I was extremely wet and was dripping everywhere. So I let Sasu lick it up. Since I had never been eaten out before, I really didn't know that what I was doing was sexual in the least, but I realized that it felt really good and was only making me wetter. Even after I came Sasu was still licking it all up and the front of my skirt was soaked in a combination of my pussy juice and Sasu's saliva. Once I had to go back inside, I just twisted my skirt to the side and went to my room to change.

So there you go, /b/. That's my pretty embarrassing and sick story. Also not copypasta, I assure you. Also inb4 TITS OR GTFO, no girls on the internets, pics or it didn't happen, etc. Also, pic unrelated.

Babysitting a Loli

Dear /b/,
I have to tell this to someone, I just can't take it anymore.
well, okay. here goes. this is not copypasta, it's for real.
Well, there's this really, REALLY beautiful loli in my school. I'm 17 and she is in 5th grade, so she's 11. Her name is Stella. Well, I've dreamed about having sex with her numerous times, but one evening changed it all... Our moms know each other so I was supposed to babysit her cause her mom had to work late one night. So I go over to her house and we start watching TV. Well, its 9.30 pm already and I tell her to go to sleep. She answers 'I don't want to, I wanna stay and watch cartoons with you.'
I thought about it and I said 'okay, but only until 10pm and don't tell your mom'
she was happy and said okay. We watched cartoons a little and she asked if she could rest her head in my lap. I was like uh, okay. Well she puts her head in my lap, rubs her head around accidentally cause she was looking for a comfortable position and I feel to get this raging boner. I couldn't hold it back so I quickly suggested that maybe she'd want a pillow under her head and that my legs are starting to hurt. She said 'okay' and I put the pillow under her head. I was so relieved. Well, the clock hits 10pm and I order her to sleep, she stands up and takes the pillow from my legs and she sees my boner, I tried to hide it as quick as I could, but I was wearing trainers so it stood out pretty clearly. She asked 'whats that?' and I didn't know what to say.. after about 5 seconds of quick thinking I for some reason said 'It's a boner', I instantly regretted it. She now asked me if she could see it. I was so freaking nervous, finally i decided to use the chance and had my pants off faster than you could say Candlejack. Stella asked if she cou

OS war Trolling Material

Billy: Hey dad, whats an operating system supposed to do?

Dad: Well Billy, an operating system is supposed to provide an environment where many different kinds of software can run well.

Billy: But Linux, OSX, and Windows 7 do that well! How do I decide?

Dad: Well Billy, you have to now assess what kind of software you're going to be using. Which OS looks the most appropriate now?

Billy: Well, OSX is good for graphic design, but nearly all of its programs also run on Windows 7 or have comparable software also for Windows 7. Linux has a lot of great software, but just can't really compete really with the huge libraries of software for Macs and Windows.

But in terms of number of software available, Windows 7 seems to have the most. It also runs new and upcoming games, and also runs classic PC games while XP is left in the dust without DX10.

Dad: There you have it son, Windows 7, which is an operating system, runs FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!!

SO STOP BITCHING UNTIL THE OTHER OPERATING SYSTEMS CAN COMPETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--

Note from archiver: It causes great OS wars. Use with caution. May cause massive lulz, combined with mass b4's.

/b/ Has Stopped Changing

What has happened to /b/. Even half a year ago things were different. Things were constantly changing. If you didn't go on /b/ for a couple of days, you would miss out on something. There would be something new you didn't understand. There were truly epic threads.

Now, you could be gone a week and it would be the same. There's some "you laugh, you lose" threads which have the same old shit. There's some motivational poster threads which have the same old shit. And there's camwhores who claim they will deliver (but don't) if we count to 10. And we can't even prove that they won't because of people bitching about them.

There are shit copypastas all over the board. "Shit was so cash" and all the rest. There is no original content anywhere. For all you know, this post that I'm typing right now could be a copypasta in a few days.

>tl;dr: /b/ has stopped changing.

The FBI and You

If offended by this message - THIS THOUGHTCRIME.

REPORT.

If not offended by this message - THIS TERRORISTCRIME. (You destroy glorious state, otherwise)

REPORT.

If want to fuck sister while reading this message - THIS NOTCRIME.

THIS INCESTNIGGERTITSPIDERCRIME.

REPORT.

We spider-incest experts. We watch you. You know. You like that. Is good to be watched. Is make special. You like that. Is get. MOOT loves you big. Like Brother. Trust.

If agree with post - THIS ACCEPTANCECRIME.

REPORT

Math [[Bel-air]]

Once upon a time, (1/T) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling through a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on.

Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, 3 branches of a hyperbola touched het at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once. Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned around and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipated terms, that he was up to no good.

"Eureka," she gasped. "Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you are bubbling over with secs." "Oh, sir," she protested. "Keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on." "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator. "Your fears are purely imaginary." "I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's homogeneous then." "What order are you?" the brute demanded. "Seventeen," replied Polly. Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he asked. "Of course not!" Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutelyconvergent." "Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit." "Never," gasped Polly. "Exchlf," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.

His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever. There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a counter integration. What an indignity to be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal. When Polly got home that night, her mother became frightened and stated "You're traveling in a forward direction to your auntie + uncle unit in the graph of Bel Air". I whistled for a cab and when it approached, the license plane said "New" and there were dotted cubes in the reflector, if anything I could state that this cab had a lesser chance than the rest but I thought disregard that fact, if you could operator, follow the lines that lead to Bel Air! I approached the compilation of three dimensional objects about 7/12 or 2/3 and I yelled to the operator attention, smell you some other time on this planar area! Looked at my Math house, My graph had finally reached a closed point, to finalize on my algorithmically correct point as the prince of the graph known as Bel Air.

I am the cancer that is killing /b/

I am proud to say i am the cancer that is killing /b/. /b/ is the cancer that is killing the internet. The internet is the cancer that is killing western civilization. western civilization is the cancer that is killing humanity. humanity is the cancer that is killing the earth. Why am i proud to say that i am the cancer of the cancer of the cancer of the cancer? because i have cancer and it's killing me.

Open the door get on the floor

guys, you'll never believe what just happened no less than 15 minutes ago. so my sister and her boyfriend came home while i was watching TV and they went into the kitchen to get some drinks. while in the kitchen they were doing their whole lovey dovey thing and kissing and playing grab-ass and what not, and it was unappealing to me, so i went up to my room. a few minutes later, i heard them enter into my sister's room and then some rustling occurred. i thought nothing of it, they were probably just making out again on her bed. then i heard her scream and i got worried so i ran over to her room, and opened the door, got on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur! open to door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur! BOOM BOOM ACKLAKKALAKKA BOOM BOOM BOOM ACKLAKKALAKKA BOOM!

Lolis in a box

OK, /b/, here's what happened. I was sitting around the house yesterday, minding my own business, when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it, and there stood a cute little loli (maybe7-8yo)! She's dressed in this hot short skirt, and some kind of military fetish outfit, called herself a "girl scout", or something like that. Another word for hooker, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, after some haggling, I got something you aren't gonna BELIEVE! She was selling BOXED LOLIS! That's right! Every box had pictures of some of the most rapeable cake you've ever laid eyes on. Some boxes had 5or6 on the cover! Well, hell if I'm gonna pass up an opportunity like this! So I dumped $400, the whole damn supply. Then I slammed the door in her face, stripped, covered my self in cooking oil and ripped those suckers open in a sex-crazed frenzy. What the fuck do I find scattered all over my floor? Helpless lolis screaming for mercy? Children huddling in corners trying futilely to escape my embrace? FUCK NO! A bunch of goddamn COOKIES! I grab my bat, ran outside flinging oil and profanity in every direction, only to find the little cunt making her escape in an unmarked minivan. But she'll get hers. I've heard this story time and time again, by other poor souls who've been taken advantage of by these evil bitches. And... I've found the location of their secret base. Girl Scouts of the USA 420 Fifth Avenue New York, New York 10018-2798 (800) 478-7248. I've got a machete, 3 bottles of vegetable oil, and a raging, throbbing, rock hard sense of burning justice. Are you with me /b/? Help avenge your /b/rothers shattered hopes and dreams! ALL PERSONNEL, REPORT IN! ETA on target @ 23:59:59 tonight!

/b/tard in a GameStop

Sup' /b/. This is the story of what happened to me a week ago. As always, I called my local GameStop to get Battletoads...but guess what, here's the trick: They actually HAD Battletoads! And my life plan was ruined, but I ordered all of them they had in stock and said I'll come and pay with a credit card (Which I actually "found" somewhere). So I come there, a fat guy sitting on a chair as a clerk. So I say "I called a few minutes ago about Battletoads." He responds "So it was you?" "Yes, that was me", I say, then he stands up, walks to me and hits me in the face, after that he says "Go back to failchan." I stay there shocked, I found a /b/tard who works at GameStop, people. This is my first discovery like that ever. After I knock out of it, I scream "SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPZ", to check if that's true...as he was sitting on his chair again, he responded "NO YOU", so I asked him if he seriously has Battletoads in stock, he had some. So I bought it. And so, I was going home with my brand-new Battletoads, then my momma got scared and said "You're movin' with your auntie to Bel-Air".I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabby yo homies smell ya later Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Most Erotic Story Ever

Once upon a time, when the general rules of human physiology and logic were too drunk to do their jobs, a girl named Mandy woke up in her bed. Mandy was a beautiful girl who had beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile that was very beautiful. She was also very small for her age, which people thought was cute even though her small size was probably caused by some horrific, incurable disease. She was also a girl, which meant she had BIG HONKING BOOBS and a VAGINA!!!!1 Every day when she woke up she would put on a top hat and dance and dance and dance, because she was named Mandy and that's what Mandies do. Today was different, though because she realized that sometime during the night before, SHE'D WET THE BED!

"OH NO! I HAVE WET THE BED!" Screamed Mandy. Suddenly, the door exploded and Mandy's mommy walked in with a rocket launcher.

"AH HA! My parental radar was correct! You've been a bad, naughty, SEXY little girl, Mandy! Now, bend over so I can SPANK YOU!" She said. She then took Mandy by the wrist and spanked her hard on the ass.

"If you decide to act like a baby, you'll BE A BABY! You're going to wear DIAPERS little Ms. PeePee McPeePee!"

"OH NO!" Mandy exclaimed. She cried because diapers were embarrassing and bad for the environment. Mandy's Mommy then put her into her diapers and rubbed babypowder into her VAGINA, a process described in plodding, unreasonably precise detail.

"Now that you are wearing diapers, it's time for your BA BA!" Mandy's mommy then took a bottle and aimed the nipple for her daughter's mouth, but somehow missed and shoved it up her ass.

"Why are you doing this?" Mandy cried, tears welling in her eyes. "Because I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!" Screamed Mandy's Mommy maniacally. A knock then echoed from the door, and LO! There was Cindy, one of Mandy's classmates who was also a girl with BIG HONKING BOOBS (Vagina status unknown)!!!1

"Oh, what a surprise! It is Cindy! Mandy's babysitter!" Mandy then gasped, because this was a shocking plot development. "But how could you have hired a baby sitter if you'd only started babying me just this morning?" Mandy queried.

"Oh, that's simple! I just AAAAAAAAAAUGH!" That was the last thing Mandy's Mommy said, because she was thereafter carried out through the window by millions of baby Pterodactyls.

"Hello Mandy, I'm your babysitter!" Cindy said. "Hi, I'm Mandy." There was an awkward silence, and then a loud "BOOM" as Mandy's diaper exploded with shit.

"Looks like someone needs a diaper change!" Cindy, giggled. Mandy giggled too, and then they both had sex. While they were there on the Kitchen table, naked, nude, and otherwise unclothed, Mandy said "You know what? I think I like diapers and being a baby. From now on, I think I'll wear them forever and ever and ev- WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

And then the world exploded. The End.

Femanon Tips

HEY GIRLS OF /b/

i came here by my bf's request to let ya all know the secret of making your man truly happy
here's a few tips you could use:

1 - gtfo the internets and go back to the kitchen

2 - make ur man sammich

3 - give ur man massage while he's posting on /b/

4 - sex ur man up

5 - make him moar sammich

6 - stfu while doin all this

pic related; it's me makin sammich

A percent of Muslims

It will be interesting to have opinions about this..

When Muslim population remains around 1% of any given country they will be regarded as a peace-loving minority and not as a threat to anyone:
United States -- Muslim 1.0%
Australia -- Muslim 1.5%
Canada -- Muslim 1.9%
China -- Muslim 1%-2%
Italy -- Muslim 1.5%
Norway -- Muslim 1.8%

At 2% and 3% they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs:
Denmark -- Muslim 2%
Germany -- Muslim 3.7%
United Kingdom -- Muslim 2.7%
Spain -- Muslim 4%
Thailand -- Muslim 4.6%

From 5% on they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population.They will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature it on their shelves -- along with threats for failure to comply. At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves under Sharia, the Islamic Law.
France -- Muslim 8%
Philippines -- Muslim 5%
Sweden -- Muslim 5%
Switzerland -- Muslim 4.3%
The Netherlands -- Muslim 5.5%
Trinidad & Tobago -- Muslim 5.8%

When Muslims reach 10% of the population, they will increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions (Paris -- car-burnings) . Any non-Muslim action that offends Islam will result in uprisings and threats (Amsterdam - Mohammad cartoons).
Guyana -- Muslim 10%
India -- Muslim 13.4%
Israel -- Muslim 16%
Kenya -- Muslim 10%
Russia -- Muslim 10-15%

After reaching 20% expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings and church and synagogue burning:
Ethiopia -- Muslim 32.8%

At 40% you will find widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks and ongoing militia warfare:
Bosnia -- Muslim 40%
Chad -- Muslim 53.1%
Lebanon -- Muslim 59.7%

From 60% you may expect unfettered persecution of non-believers and other religions, sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels:
Albania -- Muslim 70%
Malaysia -- Muslim 60.4%
Qatar -- Muslim 77.5%
Sudan -- Muslim 70%

After 80% expect State run ethnic cleansing and genocide:
Bangladesh -- Muslim 83%
Egypt -- Muslim 90%
Gaza -- Muslim 98.7%
Iran -- Muslim 98%
Iraq -- Muslim 97%
Jordan -- Muslim 92%
Morocco -- Muslim 98.7%
Pakistan -- Muslim 97%
Palestine -- Muslim 99%
Syria -- Muslim 90%
Tajikistan -- Muslim 90%
Turkey -- Muslim 99.8%
100% will usher in the peace of "Dar-es-Salaam" -- the Islamic House of Peace -- there's supposed to be peace because everybody is a Muslim:
Afghanistan -- Muslim 100%
Saudi Arabia -- Muslim 100%
Somalia -- Muslim 100%
Yemen -- Muslim 99.9%

A percent of Jews

hen Jewish population remains under 5,000 of any given country they will be regarded as a peace-loving minority and not as a threat to anyone:
Estonia -- 1,800 Jews
Bulgaria -- 2,300 Jews
Costa Rica -- 2,400 Jews
Peru -- 2,800 Jews
Slovakia -- 3,000 Jews
Kazakhstan -- 4,100 Jews

At 5,000 to 10,000 they begin to separate from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups:
Morocco -- 5,200 Jews
Greece -- 5,300 Jews
Denmark -- 7,000 Jews
Austria -- 8,100 Jews
Latvia -- OVER 9000 JEWS

From 10,000 on they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population.They will push for the introduction of kosher (clean by Jewish standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Jews. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature it on their shelves - along with threats for failure to comply. At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves under Pentateuch, the Hebrew Law.
Panama -- 10,000 Jews
Switzerland -- 14,000 Jews
Turkey -- 17,000 Jews
Poland -- 25,000 Jews
Italy -- 30,000 Jews

When Jews reach over 50,000 of the population, they will bail out funds managers as a means of complaint about their conditions (Ben Bernanke -- Fed chairman) . Any non-Jewish action that offends Judaism will result in stock fluctuations and foreclosures (United States -- Housing market).
Belgium -- 51,000 Jews
Mexico -- 53,000 Jews
Belarus -- 72,000 Jews

After reaching 100,000 expect hair-trigger market crashes, Neo-Nazi group formations, sporadic killings and synagogue burning:
Australia -- 120,000 Jews
Ukraine -- 142,000 Jews

At 200,000 you will find widespread hatred of Jews, chronic terror attacks and ongoing anti-Jew warfare:
Germany -- 220,000 Jews
Argentina -- 250,000 Jews
United Kingdom -- 350,000 Jews
Canada -- 390,000 Jews

From 500,000 you may expect unfettered persecution by non-believers and other religions, sporadic establishments of Holocaust museums, use of Pentateuch as a weapon and loan interest, the tax placed on Gentiles:
France -- 600,000 Jews
Russia -- 800,000 Jews

3,000,000+ will usher in the establishment of a permanent Jewish state-- Hollywood-- where there's supposed to be peace because everybody is a Jew:
Israel -- 5,600,000 Jews
United States -- 6,150,000 Jews

Note from archiver: The first pasta is accurate, as of 29.03.2008, the second one is just a remake of it.

4chan unban appeal

Dear /b/, was I naïve to think this would unban me on NIGGERTITS? pic unrelated
Good day modders / owners of 4chan.com,

Firstly, let me tell you that my ban, in principle, was just and that I wasn't using Tor at the moment it was filed, neither do I posses a dynamic IP.

The reason I was banned was for posting child pornography, of which I was pretty much unaware. It happened a few days ago, at March 8th 2008 to be exact.

I will try to simulate what I said as good as I can, for I cannot memorize exactly what I typed.
It all originated by a conversation on Xfire: I got a link in Xfire from a friend of mine named "Max" (Note: this is not his actual Xfire username.) To a video on YouTube, depicting children from, I think the age of either 12-15 (I cannot confirm this, throughout the entire video there was a vagina for about a minute or two, no faces - just voices.) First I thought this video must have been fake, for it was YouTube after all - as far as I know there are no pornographic videos on this site, and it would be strictly forbidden to post them.

Without any further consideration I went to 4chan, the /b/ board to be exact and there I made a new topic, stating ;
CPTUBE DELIVERS! with a Pedobear image, in which Pedobear gasped with eyes wide open. and underneath the link towards the video on YouTube. This was probably already the point of no return.

The fact is that I was pretty much unaware about the fact that light child pornography (although I thought this was fake after all, I am not in the possession of anything related to child pornography - nor did I have the intent to post anything of the likes) was entirely forbidden on this site - as far as I know and heard 4chan has no rules at all, but it seems that I was wrong.
I have been visiting 4chan for about a week or two, and in these past weeks I came across a variety of topics posting children with somewhat funny notes like "But I poop from there!", accompanied by a lot of Pedobear images - I thought this was rather hilarious.

As this was YouTube I considered the video to be harmless - the video came from YouTube, a popular, respected streaming site containing many videos, but none of them circulating around pornography or anything in those lines because this is forbidden. Neither am I a person to enjoy anything in line with child pornography. I am a healthy heterosexual who has no interests in this.
I only posted for amusement of others (at which I probably failed, sadly - and also resulting in a most fearsome permanent ban.)
After I posted the video, yes after - I asked my friend Max, where he got the video from - he linked me to another post on 4chan, and he also explained me that this wasn't fake, and I realized at that point that I was very stupid to believe it was.
I'm pretty new to 4chan, I absolutely love the /b/ board, and as there are no rules at all I thought I could post just about anything I wanted to - but it seems that I crossed the line - and let me apologize for being inconsiderate, I acted hastily.
I would be very disappointed if this ban will not be lifted. In the future, if you are so kind to lift the ban that is, I will abide by the rules and make sure I think before I post, also it will be easy to track me down if I do not keep my own promise - I have a static IP address, so banning me again permanently will be incredibly easy.

I hope I did not take too much of your time, and let me apologize again for my stupidity. 4chan is a great website.
I put a lot of effort in my plea, and I hope it has been enough to make you change your mind, if it necessary Max can confirm the content of this story.
I give you my regards,
Anonymous

(PS: If I made any spelling mistakes, I'm sorry I could not root those out, English is not my first language after all.)

Longshot Sex

Ever since I got the kinky idea to jam my Longshot up my girlfriend's pussy, she won't have my cock anymore. Sometimes I come home from work and I hear her moaning upstairs. She tries to hide it, she even pretended to be having an affair to throw me off the track, and justify her not wanting to have sex with me. But I know that she's been fucking that Longshot every day while I'm not there. It smells like her pussy whenever I use it, too. Sometimes while I'm out nerfing with my buddies, and I'm camped out in a sniper position, I get the urge to lick her dried pussy juices off my Longshot. One time I actually spent the entire game hidden in the bushes licking my Longshot all over. In some sick way my Longshot has become the sexual link between my girlfriend and I.

AMtology Rant

Why do we oppose the Co$? What are we fighting for? When I ask that question of Anonymous, as expected I receive hundreds of answers. Some of you do it for great justice. Some of you do it for the lulz. Some of you don't even know why you do it. But I know why I do it. Would you like to know why, Anonymous?

I want to destroy the Co$ because I'm pissed off that I didn't come up with it first.

A morally bankrupt corporation masquerading as a wacky cult to hide behind the law, bilking its members out of billions of tax-free dollars, ruthlessly silencing any and all critics in the name of a hack sci-fi writer... it's the single greatest idea in the history of the universe, and the only reason I haven't done it is because L. Ron Hubbard was born before I was.

I'm a sleazy bastard who writes crappy science fiction and manipulates everyone around me. A good half of what people believe about me is total bullshit, and I know enough about mind control techniques to start my own fucking harem. I could have done the same thing Hubbard did, and I'd have done it better because I'm relatively sane. But I never got the chance, because he screwed up so badly that nobody will ever be able to do something that awesome again. I could have been a fucking GOD—but thanks to that pitiful speck of a con man, I lost my chance before I was even born.

And my ego has made it clear that somebody has to suffer for that.

My motives are obviously far from pure, but do not think that my resolve is the weaker for it. I may not have the righteous faggotry or burning desire for lulz that drives the rest of Anonymous--but hate is just as powerful a force. And my hate is bottomless. I hate them with every iota of my being. Every movement of this ruined, shuddering hulk I call a body, every ragged, wheezing breath I take, is a voiceless shriek of inarticulate rage at the people who stole my destiny.

I HATE L. Ron Hubbard. I HATE David Miscavige. I HATE every single founding member of the Church of $cientology, because they took what should have been mine - and for that crime, they will fucking PAY. And the handful who are still alive will suffer all the more because the rest had the gall to die before I could get to them. I will not be satisfied every last trace of their wretched enterprise is GROUND INTO THE FUCKING MUD.

So do your stuff, Anonymous. Get your laughs, do the right thing, whatever gets you off. Just give me my revenge, dammit.

Tea

Hey /b/,

I'd just like to tell you something I learned in my health class today. All you tea drinkers out there, who think they are getting great health benefits are idiots. You are drinking leaves, how is that healthy? Your just drinking chlorophyll!

90% of the people who drink tea on this site are just fucking WEEABOOS. You drink tea just because the JAPS do it. Well, the JAPS have you conned. The other 10% are just britfags, and you are excused, because you are naturally fucking morons. Tea is just a LEAF! Japs aren't smart. You see how shitty their Yen is? You think that someone, who can't even keep a good economy, has the intelligence to know how good tea is? Bullshit.

Enjoy your diluted organic particles and chlorophyll, you've all been conned by the crafty, yet idiot NIPS.

Better Than You

]]Hey, /b/tards!

I don’t know what’s wrong with you guys, seriously! You all bawwww about not having girlfriends, lives or any other shit. But here’s the truth:

-I have a girlfriend; she’s really hot. And I mean REALLY.

-I play keyboard. None of your shitty emo music, no. I play stuff people enjoy SOCIALLY.

-I have TONNES of friends, male and female. I’m funny, smart, and friendly.

-I get good grades. I’m going to get rich, while you faggots sit in your basements.

The best bit? I spend about 4 hours a day on here, and have done for about a year. I’m one of you, but not. I’m everything you want to be, but aren’t.

Pic is me. I got rid of my face, because I don’t want you freaks fapping to me.

My autistic girlfriend

Sup /b/

so there's this rather tasty girl at my college, sadly she has autism, she's not really high on the spectrum, she's just a bit odd and slow maybe.

but yeh she really likes me because I quite often help her with course work.

so anyway we had a rather late valentines day do last week (hall was closed so we had to find and book a venue) and she turned up looking really smart, but you could easily see her curves, she looked absolutely stunning.

well she came and spoke to me and i got her a few drinks, she was really funny actually, by the time I'd had a few i couldn't even remember or notice she had autism.

well it got to like 1am and we left, rather drunk, and she asked to stay at mine, I thought It wouldn't do any harm I wouldn't do anything.so we got a taxi to mine.

we got in, took our jackets and shoes off, and collapsed on the couch, we were lying right next to each other, she spun round and rested her hand on my chest, and started stroking it.

I didn't know what to do! 5 seconds later I decided to go for it.

I ran my hands down her side, across her stomach and down her panties. It was wet and felt amazing. she was so tight I even had to start with my pinky.

I slowly stroked her clit then pushed my finger deep inside (inside)
What kind of Pokemon are you?
Are you loyal through and through?
Do you have a heart that's true?
What kind of Pokemon are you?

Take your NORMAL type like Jigglypuff
Against the GHOSTLY Gengar the battle's real tough
Thunderbolt's a great ELECTRIC attack
'Til you get GROUND down by a Marowak

See Also

*[[Copypasta/Archive 1|Archive 1]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 2|Archive 2]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 3|Archive 3]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 4|Archive 4]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 6|Archive 6]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 7|Archive 7]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 8|Archive 8]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 9|Archive 9]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 10|Archive 10]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 11|Archive 11]]
*[[Copypasta/Archive 12|Archive 12]]

[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Chans]]
[[Category:Logs]]
[[Category:Copypasta]]