
[[Fursona|Fursonas]] come in all shapes, sizes, and species. You have obese raccoons whose only goal is to become fatter by eating trash disguised as food, foxes who want nothing more out of life than to get fucked up the ass by every species on the planet, and [[Prince Jeremy|otters who aspire to be great authors of our era]]. Sadly, these constitute as little more than [[typical|"run-of-the-mill"]] for the furry community, as the extremes that exist within their vile ranks make the standard furry seem almost acceptable by comparison.
She lurks in the darkness of the dA forums, seeking out her prey. With a taste for trolls, she leaps from the shadows and into the spotlight, becoming the center of attention wherever her hunt may take her. Her fursona is so oddly specific, there could not possibly be a pack or tribe of her kind: [[What|She is a werewolf version of Canadian actor John Candy]], trapped inside the body of a supposedly 40 year old [[aspie]].
Welcome to the world of DrMusic2; ([[powerword]] [[Romanian|Mariana]] Hanks), a [[Self-diagnosis|self-declared]] "natural born werejohncandy".
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Like most tartlets with [[No life|plenty of time to spare]], Mariana has a substantial body of work behind her. She has posted a minimum of three "stories" per day - as well as a varying number of "photomanips" sporadically over the course of a week - since she first registered her http://monstermaster13.deviantart.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">deviantART account in July of [[2009]]. Yet, despite this body of work and the time she has spent on deviantART, she has only managed to amass 119 followers as of February 2012. Of course, this fact hasn't slowed Mariana down at all, as she has multiple submissions filed under literally every submission category deviantART has to offer. Now THAT'S [[retarded|dedication]].
A large bulk of her writing deals with her [[Personal army|imaginary army]] of [[Furby|imaginary monsters]], whom she sends after her real e-enemies to exact her "revenge" upon them. In their off-time, they'll [[Real_Life_Super_Hero|fight imaginary crimes offline]], hang out in an [[hugbox|imaginary bar]] which caters exclusively to [[furries|imaginary monsters]], or [[Gay|hide in their imaginary closets]] (Mariana apparently does not understand the [[Gay |connotations]] that come with doing so).
Outside of her "Monster" series, she also pens a series by the title of "Tales From the Web" (Which serves more direct call-outs of her online enemies) and a number of one-off stories. They are childish at best, and unsettling at worst. To think that any one person could devote so much time to producing stories and still be such a poor writer is a baffling prospect, especially when it is taken into account that her choice of subject matter is more becoming to the works of a 4th grader than a supposedly 40-year-old. (she was actually born in 1990, and claimed to be older as asspies always do)
To read through the entirety of her written works would take more time to spare than anyone should care to calculate, let alone spend. To legitimately enjoy her writing would take the mental state of a thoroughly tasteless toddler.
Selected Works:
*[[DrMusic2/The weregrinch in your closet|"The weregrinch in your closet"]] (In which Mariana alludes nearly a dozen times to "coming out of the closet")
*[[DrMusic2/Fright Force|"Fright Force"]] (Roll call for Mariana's [[personal army]] of monsters)
*[[DrMusic2/Grinchin Out|"Grinchin Out"]] (A story in which she murders a troll who made fun of one of her friends)
*[[DrMusic2/The Truth Behind ED|"The Truth Behind ED"]] (Mariana reveals [[ED]] to be a front for "aliens from another universe" using tartlets "as test subjects for their bizzare experiments")
*[[DrMusic2/Monster factfile: EDiots|"Monster factfile: EDiots"]] (Mariana continues to blow the lid off of the ED conspiracy!)
*[[DrMusic2/Night Of The EDiots|"Night Of The EDiots"]] (Mariana finally solves deviantART's ED problem by pretending to slay our userbase in an unfunny Evil Dead parody! Notice her fixation with the handsome strong jawed shop assistant.)
*[[DrMusic2/School rant|"School rant"]] (In which Mariana confirms she is a 10-year old girl trapped inside a 21-year old woman's body)
*http://liveweb.archive.org/http://forum.deviantart.com/devart/general/1405561/"]" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">(Mariana describes how she could best her idol [[Goku vs Superman|in a fight])
Her art, however, is far more convenient to flip through, and elicits far more [[lulz]] from the [[you|viewer]]. The majority of her artistic submissions are simply [[MSPaint]]ed pictures of her werejohncandy [[fursona]], touching upon every variety of [[List_of_sex_moves|suggestive pose]]. Never mind the fact that John Candy was never much of "a looker" in real life: Slap a heap of fur onto his face and make him strut his stuff, and it's nearly enough to make you [[Tubgirl|vomit in your mouth]]. Remember folks: This is how Mariana imagines herself as what she "really looks like", trapped inside her shell of a human body.
Her visual deviations will occasionally deviate from her so-called "norm". She hosts rather large photograph galleries, http://drmusic2-1.deviantart.com/gallery/#_browse/traditional/bodyart" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">of her "friend" made up in various face-paints and http://drmusic2-1.deviantart.com/gallery/#_browse/artisan" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">her collection of children's plushies. She has drawn a number of http://drmusic2-1.deviantart.com/gallery/#_browse/anthro" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">celebrities in their animal forms, and http://drmusic2-1.deviantart.com/gallery/#_browse/gameart" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">concept art for her upcoming video game: Military Koalas: Marsupial Squadron. She has even paid tribute to the late [[Michael Jackson|"King of Pop"]] herself, [[:File:Enterprise_MJ_by_DrMusic2_1.jpg|as a redshirt from Star Trek]].
Putting aside her [[Copypasta|repetition]] of themes and characters in her works, there are plenty of lulz within her gallery. From the utterly ironic to the hilariously inept, nearly every picture in her gallery is amusing in its own right. All that's left for her to do is post some proper [[Rule 34]] of herself, and she will have officially dabbled in every genre of art officially recognized by the internet. However, until that day, there are still enough lulz to last a lifetime on her page right now.
For selected illustrations, see her gallery section [[DrMusic2#Galleries|here]].
A project run by a group better known for [[METOKUR|their YouTube commentaries]], DCQC is designed to troll tartlets with terminal cases of [[USI]]. The concept of fair use eludes their targets, and they cannot grasp the concept that someone has the legal right to review and mock their "art" under the http://www.metokur.org/devart/legality/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">fair use exception to copyright laws. After commenting on http://werekatt.deviantart.com/art/Raccoon-12212967" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">a laughable photomanip of a girl as a raccoon as part of http://dcqc.metokur.org/2009/07/16/raccoons/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">a larger article about raccoon art in general, Mariana discovered the page and left a series of [[butthurt|disapproving comments]]. It turned out that the picture was the work of a friend of hers, and that she was committed to having the article taken down. After a failed attempt at http://forum.deviantart.com/community/rips/1443279/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">convincing the dA staff to get involved, and having temporarily hijacked http://forum.deviantart.com/community/rips/1439813/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">another tartlet's complaint thread in order to rally users against DCQC (as well as further promote her friend's artwork), Mariana began to comment on other articles on the page, and to fight other tartlet's battles for them.
Mariana's comments teach a valuable lesson in [[irony]], as well as the inability of [[aspies]] to realize when they're being trolled. When called out on being a shameless promoter for her friend and a creepy furry, Mariana responded by announcing that she was [[Lie|"actually a pretty nice guy". She would later "prove" this point by boasting that "a lot of [her] friends, and [her] family think [she is] a nice person", and that she has "donated to numerous charities"]]. When it was later pointed out that she could not go a single comment without shoe-horning in an obnoxious number of irrelevant pop culture references, she stated that she is "quite an avid reader – [[Shit nobody cares about|[she has] not only all of Roger [Ebert]’s film books but [she] also [has] read Bruce Campbell’s autobiography If Chins Could Kill as well as Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way, [she] also thoroughly enjoyed Jay Leno’s book Leading With My Chin]]."
Numerous trolls and tartlets alike have begun to [[flamewar|argue]] with Mariana on the comments of the articles, in the hopes of getting her to confess more lulzy secrets and leave more laughable quotes. Recent posters have taken to imitating Mariana, and causing her to [[rage]] about her "identity being stolen". As DCQC exists entirely to attract complaints, they have yet to [[stfu|"silence her"]], and don't have plans to. So long as this is the case, Mariana will likely continue to [[troll bait|comment]].
In November 2010, Habermann [[banned]] Mariana from METOKUR after months of her [[spamming|disrupting the site's activity]]. She still stalks their [[deviantART]] page daily and almost certainly attempts to post daily in halfhearted attempt to get unbanned and "apologize". Regretfully, METOKUR [[Goodnight Sweet Prince|went offline]] in late [[2012]] due to the [[asspie|admin's]] loss of interest in the site, and the content on Mariana most likely lost forever.
Posts Mariana has commented on:
*http://dcqc.metokur.org/2009/07/16/raccoons/#comments" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Raccoons
*http://dcqc.metokur.org/2010/03/21/month-in-review-march-2010/#comments" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Month in Review: March 2010
*http://dcqc.metokur.org/2010/04/20/sunrises-dont-smile/#comments" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Sunrises Don't Smile
*http://dcqc.metokur.org/2010/05/07/nathan-f-on-encyclopedia-dramatica/#comments" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">"Nathan F" on Enyclopedia Dramatica
A decidedly obscure blog by the name of Slapstick Anarchy reviewed a piece written by Mariana entitled http://drmusic2-1.deviantart.com/art/I-love-Werejohncandyism-151681967" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">"I love Werejohncandyism", under the assumption it was an elaborate joke. When Mariana came to defend her honor, however, the author soon found that she was indeed [[batshit insane|legitimate]]. Overnight, rents' blog which had previously had no more than a comment on any of it's previous articles found itself knee-deep in walls of text, posted by none other than the werejohncandy herself.
Noting the success of her first entry, rents would later write two companion pieces, including an in-depth explanation of http://slapstickanarchy.com/?p=877" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the anatomy of a werejohncandy, and a public service announcement detailing http://slapstickanarchy.com/?p=895" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">how to slay a werejohncandy. Mariana, in all her childish stupidity, mistook these joke articles for legitimate guides, and argued that rents had "got it all wrong", completely oblivious to the fact that nobody in the world takes the concept of her fursona seriously besides herself. She would enter [[tl;dr|pages-long]] back-and-forth debates with the webmaster, whom apparently had nothing better to do than to argue with an [[CWC|autistic 40-year-old men]] who believe they are [[Twilight|werewolf actors]] trapped inside human bodies.
Posts regarding Mariana:
*http://slapstickanarchy.com/?p=870" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">This Week in Illiterature: The Life of a Werejohncandy
*http://slapstickanarchy.com/?p=877" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Special Feature: Anatomy of a Werejohncandy
*http://slapstickanarchy.com/?p=895" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PSA: Top Five Ways to Kill a Werejohncandy
Overnight, following this article going live and http://www.metokur.org/devart/2010/05/07/nathan-f-on-encyclopedia-dramatica/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">DCQC announcing it on their page, Mariana decided to swap out her fursona in a desperate attempt to avoid being trolled. Whole-heartedly believing that by announcing she was one species of imaginary monster instead of some other form of imaginary monster, that [[Unrealistic expectations|the Internet might leave her alone]], completely oblivious to the fact that her claiming to be ANY BREED of imaginary monster warrants continued trolling.
Never mind the absolutely retarded idea that Mariana [[srsly]] believes - now that she is a "weregrinch" - that she is beyond mockery: The fact that she is now feverishly denying ever having been a werejohncandy is perhaps candidate for the single most absurd "turn on a dime" ever performed by a victim in the history of documented trolling. Since the day she joined dA, she had been claiming to be a [[Retarded|"natural born werejohncandy"]]. One sleepless night later, and her page now boldly claims that she is and has always been a [[Retarded|"natural born weregrinch"]]. How you can be "naturally born" as one species, and then claim the next minute you were "born" some other species is beyond me. Not even [[Transgender|trannies]] deny that they were born as either a male or female before deciding to make the change.
Evidence confirming Mariana's past as a werejohncandy:
*[[DrMusic2/The benefits of being a werejc|"The benefits of being a werejc"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Werejohncandy tf guide|"Werejohncandy tf guide"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Werejc facts|"Werejc facts"]]
*[[DrMusic2/History of the werejohncandy|"History of the werejohncandy"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Brotherhood of the werejc|"Brotherhood of the werejc"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Werejohncandyism For Nitwits|"Werejohncandyism For Nitwits"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Chronicles Of A Werejohncandy|"Chronicles Of A Werejohncandy"]]
*[[DrMusic2/How to care for a werejc|"How to care for a werejc"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Werejcs and MJ|"Werejcs and MJ"]]
*[[DrMusic2/Infamous werejc|"Infamous werejc"]]
*[[DrMusic2/John Candy For A Week|"John Candy For A Week"]]
*[[DrMusic2/A Werejohncandy tale|"A Werejohncandy tale"]]
*[[DrMusic2/10 drawbacks to being a werejc|"10 drawbacks to being a werejc"]]
*[[DrMusic2/About the werejohncandy|"About the werejohncandy"]]
*[[DrMusic2/The_life_of_a_werejohncandy|"The life of a werejohncandy"]]
It can be concluded from these so-called "stories" that Mariana did, at point in time, believe she was "born a werejohncandy." The reason for her deciding she no longer wishes to affiliate with her made-up species of make-believe monster is that she legitimately believes in her made-up monsters, and legitimately believes that her made-up weregrinches are beyond real mockery. Unfortunately for her, her monsters aren't real, and the Internet doesn't take kindly to [[Furries|sick fucks who have given up on humanity and wish instead that they were born as animals]]. As such, even as she pretends to be her new weregrinch fursona, she will still be subject to mockery, as she rightfully should be.
UPDATE: New fursona!
Elaborating on her [[inflation|fetish for transforming into overweight comedians]], Mariana has now professed to be a [[Shit no one cares about|Wereleno]] on her new dA account. That's right: part [[wolf]], part [[Hambeast|Jay Leno]], and part sasquatch turd. And as of late 2011, Mariana created the Werestallone, a.k.a. [[Shit no one cares about|Stallonian]], only to abandon it when [[User: Endsenten|Endsenten]] created photomanips that were posted on dA, eliciting many lulz. She has returned to the [[Mary Sue|Wereleno]] fursona as of March 30, 2012, but reverted to the [[What|Werebelushi]], half mangy wolfdog, part [[Hambeast|John Belushi]] that she used to great extent on the [[Ghey|Blues Brothers]] Central forums in [[2007]] and [[2008]] shortly after, she continues to use the "werebelushit" as her fursona with signs that it is permanent. While it would be great if Mariana [[Overdose|met John Belushi's fate]], she will probably die alone in middle age in a group home atop a pile of her own [[shit]] with her [[ginger|Andria Kilgore]] [[Kevin Havens|doll]] [[plushophilia|between her legs]] with its head in her [[vagina]].

Trolling Mariana is just about as easy as can be, and keeping her continued attention is as simple as not giving into her demands: If she wants you to take down a copy of one of her pictures, rehost it on as many image-hosting services as you can and send the URLs to her. If she wants you to leave her friends alone, harass them until they leave deviantART. Whatever you do, [[Ondore|don't believe her lies]], and don't let her convince you that she's a "nice guy" ([[aspies]] are subhuman, and are incapable of emotion).
If you're too stupid to figure out on your own how to piss off a furry, here are some helpful tips you can use to pretend you're a troll:
*Suggest that a werewolf version of John Candy is a stupid fursona to have
*Suggest that a werewolf version of Jim Carrey as the Grinch is a stupid fursona to have
*Suggest that a werewolf version of Sylvester Stallone is a stupid fursona to have
*Call her out on her [[Goth|Elvira]] obsession and call her a cougar-chasing [[lesbian]]
*Remind her that John Candy died of a [[HNG|heart attack]] at age 43, and that Mariana "doesn't have much time left!"
*Remind her that Jim Carrey is a talentless hack, and that the live action Grinch movie sucked
*Tell her [[truth|Steve Martin is better than Jim Carrey]]
*Say you like Were(insert another dead comedian)s better!
*[[Troll|Critique]] her art, and watch her accuse you of [[flaming]] regardless of how legitimate your criticisms are
*Make fun of her supposed friends
*Make fun of her supposed friends' pictures
*Remind her that online acquaintances are not real friends
*Remind her that only children believe in imaginary monsters
*Accuse her of being gay
*Accuse her of being egotistical
*Accuse her of shamelessly promoting for her supposed friends
*Any or all of the above, but on a site that isn't deviantART that she can't delete your entries on (Or have [[Moderator|someone else]] do it for her).
*Tell her she is violating copyright law.
*Tell her that her "friend" Andria Kilgore is a sockpuppet
*Tell her that she will go to a group home or a mental hospital when her [[parents]] die
*Call her a "budos olah" (Hungarian gypsy term for "Stinky Gypsy")
*Make fun of New Zealand or Romania maliciously
On deviantART and DCQC...
On http://madworldofdocm.blogspot.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">her personal blog...
And even on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] itself!
In July 2011, after the forums has been resurrected for the 2.5th time, an EDiot made a topic about ED's asspie brother [[METOKUR]]. A few posts after, something brown, furry and [[Canada|Canadian]] appears! Mariana Hanks started bitching about how she white knighted some furry chick on METOKUR, which caused her to be IP banned. EDiots quickly hung her up like a piñata and beat the lulz out of her. She continued to contradict herself in the thread, which turned into a "DrMusic2 Gangbanging Thread". Then, she made a thread pleading to [[Zaiger]] to take down her article, but she continued to make an ass out of herself.
Her spergings were then ignored by the Ediots in the thread. She blames this on ED's server and gave a suggestion.
She repeatedly posted in the thread saying TAKE MY ARTICLE DOWN OR ELSE not knowing that posters on the thread aren't even EDitors or sysops (except for Zaiger). She was then instructed to [[Get on IRC fgt|get on IRC]], but she [[How do i shot web?|doesn't even know what IRC is]]. After finally installing IRC, she instead went to [[FurAffinity|some furry chatroom]]. Meanwhile back on EDF, she bragged that she has talked to sysops [[No|who agreed to take down her article]].
Ediots demanded proof, which DrMusic replied with more white noise. Which then Zaiger replied:
According to eyewitness reports, the werejohncandy/werejayleno can still be seen roaming the [[Failbook|internet wilderness]], where she [[butthurt|continues to post complaints]] on ED's page (which she then deletes an hour later).
Over time the admins began to unban DrMusic from the forum for the sake of everyones [[LULZ|amusement]], and ban her again when her flood of butthurt threads became too annoying. Finally, after she began to E-stalk Zaiger she was banned for good.
But that was not the end. Its seems Mariana is too retarded to tell apart admins and mods from regular users, and began begging random people on EDF (including [[Negi Springfield]]) to have her article removed. In a final misguided attempt to get her article taken down she sent a repulsive, pants down picture of her [[DO NOT WANT|hairy, AIDS infested sntch]] to random members of the forum she mistook for people with actual influence.
Most people simply vomited and ignored her, but two of her unlucky victims decided to take advantage of the situation by convincing her that if she sends them more naked pictures they can get Zaiger to take the article down. But soon it became apparent that she is [[facepalm|too much of a retard to adjust her built in camera]], and can not get her [[fat|saggy tits]] in frame even when holding them up. To resolve this, an attempt was made to get her to do a live show on Skype, but then she [[idiot|lost her password and could not figure out how to get it back or make a new account.]] Finally, one of the two contacted her under the alias "Jessi", pretending to be a computer technician, and got her to give him remote control over the computer to do it all for her. (as well as getting her to sing [[Monty Python|"iv got a lovely bunch of coconuts"]])
At this point a new trolling opportunity presented itself. After the (un)wanted nudz were acquired she was once again requested to let "Jessi" take control of her computer and "fix" it , because [[User:78magnumXE|78magnumXE]] had infected her with a [[AIDS|virus]]. She gladly let him delete everything on her computer THREE FUCKING TIMES and gave him access to her passwords. After it became apparent that Mariana somehow knows how to reinstall windows (a feat for any aspie like herself), they continued by shutting down her account on Youtube and Google+, replacing all the pictures in her Facebook account with her nudes for [[Less than three|all her friends]] to see, and put all of her [[over nine thousand|2000]] furry stories on Deviantart in storage, because deleting them was too much of a task (it still took her a month to realize they were not deleted), and replacing them with [[loli]] porn.
And here they are:
And the video:
In early 2012, Mariana's [[parents]] gave into her begging for another cat, and purchased two kittens, named Casper and Billy. Mariana claimed that [[White trash|Casper]] was returned to the pound, but for all we know, Mariana could have [[Kenny Glenn|tortured it to death]] given the propensity [[asspies]] have for violence.
Discussion of Nico's demise continued on [[EDF2: Electric Boogaloo|the forums]], and Mariana continues to squirm at the mention of Nico [[Wang Jue|dying of kidney failure]], even more so when mentions of Mariana's current pet cat [[Goatse|Billy]] being [[animal abuse|crushed to death under Mariana's fat asspie ass]] are seen. [[Goatse|Billy]] [[Zippocat|died]] of [[An hero|choking on a cat treat]] early in 2013, the Hanks family has most likely stopped buying [[lolcat|cats]] due to [[Oldfag|her]] [[Snorlax|parents']] [[Old people|age]], the amount of money spent on cat toys and food at PetSmart that could be used on [[plushophilia|plushies]], [[vidya]], [[McDonald's]] and [[plastic crap]], and [[Luka Rocco Magnotta|Mariana torturing the cats]]..
With her rage showing no sign of subsiding, she continues to flood the mailboxes of various members of ED with retarded hate mail, [[what|greeting cards containing curses]] and other assorted crap.
Here is a small part of the collection of endless hate mail sent to 78magnumXE:
{|style="
![]() link=EDF1 | EDF1 Faggots | EDF1 Faggotry | ![]() link=EDF 2: Electric Boogaloo | EDF2 Faggots | EDF2 Faggotry | ![]() link=EDF6 | EDF6 Faggots | EDF6 Faggotry | } |
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| [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now|Preceded]] by | [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now|Succeeded]] by |
| [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now|Preceded]] by | [[Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now|Succeeded]] by |