Japanese Bug Fights

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will make a [[Godhand Edit]] out of anything.]]
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Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the same as Pokémon, or the pinnacle of [[Japanese]] culture and one of the most [[awesome]] things you can find on the [[internets]] (right behind [[Porn|pornography]] and [[unwarranted self importance|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan. It is the closest thing to [[IRL]] Pokémon battles anyone will ever see.

__TOC__

The videos

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both [[13 year old boys]] and [[sick fuck|sick fucks]] who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics).

The videos are all hosted on http://www.japanesebugfights.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on http://gladiatorbugs.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">gladiatorbugs.com or [[YouTube]].

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate [[graphics]], sound effects and [[Dragonforce|epic music]] played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the [[moonspeak]]. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive.

It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the [[A winner is you|winner]]. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays [[Advertising|ads]] for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for [[Wiki|user-submitted content]]. However, there are only four user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a http://www.japanesebugfights.com/rules.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in [[fact]], [[Win|very organized and professional]].

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

# You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.

# You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.

# If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.

# Only two bugs to a fight.

# One fight at a time.

# No shirts, no shoes.

# Fights will go on as long as they have to.

# If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to [[Fight Club]]. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fight rules are actually closer to [[Thunderdome]]'s "[[Hardcore|two men enter, one man leaves]]":

# Two bugs to a fight
# Bug fights go on as long as they have to
# No outside weapons in bug fights

The use of [[Pokemon|pokéballs]] or other trainer intervention is not only prohibited but impossible, as the participants are isolated in a plastic cube.

American corruption

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some [[flame wars|interesting discussions]], as well.

YouTube

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on [[YouTube]]. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about [[PETA|animal rights]], there's also a fair amount of [[professional]] analysis of the fights and people [[Flame war|arguing]] over their favorite competitors. For example:

Round 1: FIGHT!

O0-GcFeUBhM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHBiWe5dTew" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)

j3tZlfYW5DI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYU90Z7F118" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/1.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th").
*http://video.aol.com/video-detail/japanese-bug-fights-round-2/3970718688" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com).
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/3.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/4.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/5.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/6.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/7.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/8.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Crayfish.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/9.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran).
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/10.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/11.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 11th - Scorpion vs. Crayfish.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/12.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet: Rematch.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/13.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/14.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/15.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion: Rematch.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/16.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/17.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/18.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/19.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis No.2.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/20.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Crayfish.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/21.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede: Rematch.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/22.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/23.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/24.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion: Again.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/25.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/26.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/27.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/28.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 28th - Vinegaroon vs. Fail Beetle.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/29.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion.
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/30.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion.

Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick [[you]]r ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which [[Creepypasta|nightmares]] are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.

Beetles

(Champion)
:Record: 7 wins, 2 losses, 1 mirror match. .777 winning percentage.
:Offense: 6
:Defense: 10
:Speed: 4
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Megahorn
:Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense.

The beetles are sort of the [[Military|tank]] class of the bugs, relying on their superior [[7 proxies|defenses]] to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the atlas beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger stag beetle, which has three.

One would think that [[MOAR]] would be better, but as the fifth video in the series proves it [[Virgin|isn't the size that matters, it's the technique]] (A theory which does not carry over to [[penis]] size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller and [[TOW|pretty crappy in general]]. In his only battle he [[Fail|recorded the beetles' first loss]] to the tarantula, in the thirteenth round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothie out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much [[pwnt|fed to a Vinegaroon]] as a [[fail|sorry excuse]] for Round 28.

Scorpions

(Finalist)
:Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match. .500 winning percentage.
:Offense: 10
:Defense: 5
:Speed: 5
:Poison: Yes
:Special Move: The Stinger®
:Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted.

If bug fighting were a [[Video game|vidya game]], the scorpions would be the [[Magic|mage]] class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a [[Headshot|one-hit-kill]] at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are.

The scorpions usually tend to [[Bitch|run away from their enemies]], striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a one foot plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.

Jerusalem Cricket

:Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw. .666 winning percentage.
:Offense: 6
:Defense: 7
:Speed: 6
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Krav Maga
:Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks.

Unlike those weak-ass pussy crickets you can find in your backyard, these giant cricket-like things (Jew Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran...whatever the fuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters.

They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents. Most of the time it ends up being what in the MMA world is a match where the wrestler lies on his opponent. Unfortunately for the latter, instead of fighting, [[Savage|they'd rather gnaw at their opponent alive]].

Camel Spider

:Record: 2 wins, 1 loss. .666 winning percentage.
:Offense: 6
:Defense: 5
:Speed: 8
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Jihad
:Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents.

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, the fan favorite [[camel spider]] still carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

Centipedes

:Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw. .625 or .571 winning percentage.
:Offense: 6
:Defense: 4
:Speed: 7
:Poison: Yes
:Special Move: Slither Attack
:Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill.

In addition to being formidable fighters, the [[centipedes]] that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a [[Gay|tropical]] one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying cave one with legs like a [[fucking]] [[step dad|daddy long legs]].

They can both be obtained by [[centipede filled vagina|searching the closest vagina]] in the vicinity.

Japanese Hornet

:Record: 3 wins, 3 losses. .500 winning percentage.
:Offense: 8
:Defense: 4
:Speed: 8
:Poison: Yes
:Special Move: Twineedle
:Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive.

A [[Pretty cool guy|pretty fierce competitor]], the hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Very quick, very brave and appears to not mind fighting. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.

African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

:Record: 1 wins, 1 loss. .50 winning percentage.
:Offense: 7
:Defense: 5
:Speed: 4
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Vice Grip
:Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage.

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to [[voraphilia|eat something]] in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.

Tarantula

:Record: 2 wins, 2 losses. .500 winning percentage.
:Offense: 7
:Defense: 6
:Speed: 4
:Poison: Yes
:Special Move: [[Glomp]]
:Fighting Style: Uses size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening. Also known to climb up, and drop down, Aerial attack style.

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass [[spider]]. However, tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.

Vinegaroon

:Record 1 win, 0 losses. Only featured in a really one-sided fight percentage.
:Offense: 7
:Defense: 5
:Speed: 5
:Poison: Um, kinda. It emits a vinegar smelling compound when threatened.
:Special Move: Vinegar Blast
:Fighting Style: It fought the shittiest combatant in the whole tournament. It never really needed much of a strategy.

A rather strange creature that is NOT an african cave spider. These things are called what they are because of the chemical they release when threatened. Basically a scorpion without a stinger; nevertheless, pretty fucking terrifying.

Crayfish

:Record: 0 wins, 3 losses. Fail percentage.
:Offense: 5
:Defense: 5
:Speed: 3
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Claw Pinch, Bulk Up
:Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, yet fails.

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, [[Death|lose]] every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the crayfish fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why these things are even there.

Praying Mantis

:Record: 0 wins, 5 losses. [[Lol]] percentage.
:Offense: 6
:Defense: 4
:Speed: 8 (rendered absolutely useless in the small arena)
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Struggle
:Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents.

Despite what one might think, the mantis actually suck ass in bug fights. Although they're known for their supreme bug killin' prowess [[IRL|in the real world]] (they've been known to kill and eat small birds), the bug arena really isn't suited to them. Their fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, stealthily hiding where no one can easily see them and swiftly pouncing when their prey comes by in order to cause an [[headshot|instant kill]], so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.

[[fact|FACT]]: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying mantids are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of nine is retarded.

Grasshopper

:Record: 0 wins, 1 loss. Everyone hates you percentage.
:Offense: 2
:Defense: 3
:Speed: 9
:Poison: No
:Special Move: Fail Attack
:Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies.

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly [[drunk]] when choosing combatants, or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets [[owned]] by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a [[Loli|little girl]] if you saw it.

Controversy

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a [[Evil|cruel]], sick [[The game|game]] of [[animal cruelty]]. But those people are all a bunch of [[furries]] and [[Bestiality|animal fuckers]], so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins.

You see, the lack of fur dissuades most [[Hippy|animal rights activists]] from throwing hissyfits and [[Protest|picketing]] outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some [[hardcore]] [[PETA]] members that disdain the time honored tradition of [[pokemon|bug dueling]],http://wikihow.com/Avoid-Hurting-Insects]" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.

]

See also

*[[Animal abuse]]
*[[Awesome]]
*[[Camel spider]]
*[[Centipedes]]
*[[EXTREME ANIMALS]]
*[[Japan]]
*[[Michael Vick]]
*[[Mortal Kombat]]
*[[Pokemon]]
*[[Spider]]
*[[Win]]

External links

*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">japanesebugfights.com
*http://www.japanesebugfights.com/rules.htm" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rules of Bug Fighting
*http://gladiatorbugs.com/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">gladiatorbugs.com
*
*
*
* - /facepalm

]]|[[LoganSperman2]]}}

[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]