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*... that it's 2026? [[You]] get to make another New Year's Resolution promising that this is going to be the year that you get [[Sex|laid]].
*... that [[WhiteDate]] got doxed and baleeted in front of a live studio audience?
*... that [[Christmas]] happened? We hope that you got that perverted [[catgirl]] that you want to lose your [[Virgin|virginity]] to.
*... that [[Rob Reiner]] was [[murder|murdered]]? You can light up your [[Tobacco|smokes]], once again, without feeling guilty.
*... that it's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED’s]] 21st birthday?
*... that [[Charlie Kirk]] got a sore throat while giving a [[Gun|pro-gun]] speech at [[College|Utah Valley University]]?
*... that [[Tristen Alan Leritz]] raped a 51-year-old woman [[just because]] he was a [[virgin]]?
*... that [[Elon Musk]] is [[White Knighting]] our favorite piece of [[Europe|Eurotrash ass]], [[Greta Thunberg|Naomi Seibt]], because he wants to be [[France|French]] for a day and eat her [[Vagina|snail]]?
*... that the Anti-Greta, [[Greta Thunberg|Naomi Seibt]] is begging our benevolent [[The Donald|God Emperor Trump]] for asylum because [[Germany]] is picking on her?