MySpace Whores

http://profile.Myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35579698" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MySpace whores were posers who used [[MySpace]] more than normally needed back when MySpace actually fucking mattered. (The standard amount of time one should squander on Myspace is 5 seconds or less.) These people dedicated their pathetic lives to Myspace, which is a pretty [[emo]] thing to do.

The whore's profile

All Myspace users are narcissists, and fall prey to [[Myspace trackers|various spyware and virii]] in their desire to know who is looking at their profile. As such, a Myspace whore's profile consists of a masterful symphony of every annoyance known to the World Wide Web. If one should be so unfortunate as to stumble upon any [[MySpace]] profile, the wisest response would be to immediately close the window before the computer spasms begin.

Should one by some twisted miracle manage to survive loading the profile, highlight the text so you can read it and take notice of how many "friends" are listed. Studies show that only .003% of the users on a [[MySpace]] whore's friend list have actually met the whore in person.

The profile will be laden with shameless self-promotion and tasteless pictures this user has taken of him/herself. These pictures generally include the infamous bathroom emo [[Internet disease]] scene captured with the aid of an abused mirror.

Most likely this person is emo. There is rarely an emo who doesn't use Myspace as an oulet for their grievances — and there's plenty of tragedy to go around. Most [[emo]] people will turn into [[hardcore]] music fans ([[hXc]]) and pretend to hate emo people while crying inside.

I accidentally friended a Myspace whore. What now?

You are doomed, but you may as well have some fun on your way down to [[hell|Shangri-La]]. If your new friend has enabled HTML in their comments, a basic opening technique may include the [[Fifty Hitler post]], preferably using pictures of Hitler larger than your screen resolution. Note: at least 3 in 10 Myspace users are neo-Nazi gay-bar [[jakejekyll|hatchet killers]] and are therefore immune to the 50 Hitler post. For your personal entertainment, look at the "who I'd like to meet" section of the whore's page. Then imagine those people beating the ever-living shit out of him/her/[[shemale|it]].

Other [[pwn]]age techniques include these awesome http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b35/mjolnir1134/Pwner-Menu.swf" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Macromedia Flash profile domination codes. (updated)

Embedding a url that goes to a file that doesn't exist on your server yet then creating it is a great way to slip it into profiles that require comments to be approved.

Dial-up connections and [[MySpace]]

If you use a dial-up connection and wish to view a typical person’s
Myspace page:
Just click on the profile, take a shower, cook dinner for yourself and the neighbor you're banging, screw them, take another shower, catch up on any paperwork one might have, check the [[NASCAR]] results in the newspaper, and get a good night’s sleep. In the morning, it will be nearly three quarters of the way done and you can read the blog entries of one of charming people that use the website. It's always worth the wait.

Summary of typical blog entry: Your girlfriend posted that she ran around the nightclub parking lot wearing a [[cheeseburger]] wrapper as a top, a homeless guy sucked on her tits, and she gave the cop who arrested her a blowjob in order to let her go. But it turns out it wasn't a cop, it was a security guard at the nightclub. Oh, and her friend Jennie is a cunt and she hates her. She fucked her, too. Two times this week, in fact. Oh, and now you know why it burns when you piss. And the baby isn't yours, it's the sleepy eyed guy who mops the toilets at the nightclub.

Common Myspace Comment Conversations

* (Taken from an actual [[MySpace]])
Hey!!!! I found the answer to that question you asked me about the other day. I think that it's Chlamydia you've got instead of Syphilis. I know you told me that you were having problems with an infectious discharge, which is a common symptom of syphilis, but I think that the constant pain in your lower stomach and burning sensation when you pee are more characteristic of Chlamydia. I know how you didn't want to talk to your parents about it so I didn't mind calling around to find out what is wrong with you. Just being a good friend and letting ya know ~holla back! P.S. I heard walgreens has that cream that you needed for that oral herpes too. And don't worry, it doesn't have any alcohol so it wont burn like the last 7 creams you tried.

Related Articles

*[[Myspace]]
*[[Facebook]]
*[[Shit nobody cares about]]
*[[Shit]]
*[[Whore]]
*[[Trap]]

List of Myspace's more prominent whores

* [[Tom Anderson]]
* [[Jeffree Star]]
* [[Tila Tequila]]
* [[Forbidden]]
* [[404 Error]], the most visited page on MySpace
* http://www.myspace.com/sexymandylynn" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mandy Lynn
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=191588798" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Julian Jealousy
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=5077848" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Cyndi Chaos
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=176407638" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jessie Illinois
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=12563606" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Chris Dakota
* http://www.myspace.com/xxxxxxxxxbarbiexxxxxxxxx" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jessie-lee

The Best of the Rest

* http://www.myspace.com/codymeiser" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">myspace profile
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=575" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">A Deadbeat Dad
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=74541298" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Typical myspace slut
* http://www.myspace.com/Bongomaster" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">One of the most obnoxious Myspace profiles ever
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=182347951" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Second most obnoxious Myspace profile ever
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=169816975" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Unless it's this one
* http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=150320661" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Bizzare,Whore
*http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=158505144" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jeffree Moon, Famous Jstar wannabe; whores himself by riding off Jstar's "fame"
* http://www.myspace.com/vivalaslamnrams" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Rhiee
* http://www.myspace.com/alixhenriol" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">This girl wants to get assraped by Sonic the hedgehog.

[[Category:Myspace]]