Steampunk

Steampunk was the [[hipster|hip new thing]] in internet fashion - an evolution of [[cyberpunk]] which lasted about half as long with five times the drama.

Indeed, while the concept once [[lie|had some promise]], whatever [[potential]] it once had was irreparably destroyed by the [[obese|land whales]] and emaciated, goblin-like [[otherkin]] who have claimed it as their own. Following the
path of [[scene]], [[emo]], and many other stupid trends, steampunk has evolved from a mere fashion statement into a [[homosexual|lifestyle]]. Steampunk enthusiasts are renowned for their ground-breaking amounts of [[unwarranted self-importance]], and every single one of them seems to be under the impression that [[no|wearing a choker or top hat magically transforms you into an aristocrat]]. A steampunk 'gentleman' will autofellate for hours online about how old-fashioned and elegant he is while picking Cheeto crumbs out of the folds of his man-tits and playing [[Gaia]].

The steampunk [[subculture]] is best described as being [[goth]]'s [[attention whore|attention-seeking]] [[autistic]] little brother.

Join the Steampunk Revolution!

Here are some simple steps to look and act like a real steampunk fan.
#Buy some [[old people|dead geezer's]] paisley vest from the local thrift store
#Steal your father's heirloom watch and take it apart
#Glue the watch parts to the vest
#Grow a porn mustache and put on a hat
#Buy a NERF gun or a water pistol from your local Toys 'R' Us and spend hours painting it to look realistic, but still failing to do so.
#Never, ever [[basement-dweller|go outside]]
#[[USI|ACT LIKE YOU OWN THE WORLD]]
for failed fashion designers.]]

Steampunk Fashion

is very into steampunk fashion.]]

[[Hard Gay|Hardcore]] [[welfare whale|steampunk enthusiasts]] will spend every penny of their gov'ment-issued income to obtain the [[shit|best]] steampunk clothing and accessories. Hell, they'd waste their food stamps too if gears were considered edible! It's no surprise that a large number of websites dedicated to selling this [[insane|ravenous]] fandom overpriced shit have popped up. [[All|Most]] fans would buy a steaming turd if it had cogs pasted onto it, and the [[forums|steampunk community]] would probably rave over the [[no|'authenticity']] and [[lame|'charm']] of the feces. Yet, while the majority of steampunk merchandise is [[plastic crap]], there are some accessories that are so over-the-top that they make [[Lexi Bee]]'s pink shit look normal.

Steampunk fans are known for their lack of moderation, and they will slap metal, [[epilepsy|blinking buttons]] and useless machinery onto an item to the point where the original item's identity is completely obscured. Fans have made [[trying too hard|steampunk guitars, steampunk computers, steampunk flasks, and everything in between]]. [[Some argue|Experts theorize]] that steampunk condoms will soon be made available in 'paisley', 'zepplin', and 'goggle' designs. Unfortunately, sales would be low because all steampunk fans are [[virgins]].

Think this is an exaggeration? Think again.

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In many ways, steampunk is quite similar to [[goth]], not only in style but in that it's a movement that also tends to attract [[fatties]] who desperately want to appear sexy and interesting despite their [[DO NOT WANT|disgusting bulk]]. However, unlike the gothic movement with its herds of [[BBW|corset-clad gothapotami]], the majority of steampunk lardasses tend to be [[male]] and you will inevitably see at least [[basement dweller|one greasy, creepy-looking fat fuck with muttonchops]] at any steampunk gathering, desperately attempting to finally lose their hated virginities to some hot goth bit of tail by impressing them with their [[shit nobody cares about|knowledge of airships and antiquated, polysyllabic words]].

Steampunk In The Media

Ever bereft of new and [[original]] ideas of its own, [[Hollywood]] has tried, numerous times to cash in on the steampunk craze by attempting to foist off steampunk movies on the general public, hoping to earn more [[cocaine]] money off of the box office takings.

Movies with a steampunk aesthetic include:

*[[Woll Smoth|Wild, Wild West]]
*[[Disney|Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]
*[[DisneyFan01|Treasure Planet]]
*[[Sean Connery|The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen]]
*[[Tits|Suckerpunch]]
*[[Gays|The Three Musketeers]]
*[[Yaoi|Steamboy]]
*[[Lolwut|Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow]]
*[[Atheist|The Golden Compass]]
*[[Alphawerewolff|Van Helsing]]

It is not a coincidence that none of these movies are anywhere near approaching good and all of them [[fail|fucking bombed]]. Steampunk's fail is just too much for cinema-going audiences.

Meanwhile, in the world of the [[vidya]], after going though a [[pirate]] phase, Lionhead made a some shitty game for steampunks called Fable 3. The game took place 100 years ago where the world was split up between the royalty and the steampunk workers. They don't show up much however because they get out populated by Vikings and [[redneck]] farmers.

More recently, steampunks have rubbed their sweaty taint all over the [[Bioshock]] series, even though technically, the world depicted in that game isn't really steampunk, their attitude being: "It's mostly brass-colored and sort of set in the past, so fuck it, it'll do."

Rocksteady Studios briefly considered the idea of making a steampunk [[Batman]] game called Gotham By Gaslight, but in the end, they decided to just make Arkham City instead [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|after everybody stopped laughing]].

Trolling Steampunk Fans

.]]
While a steampunk lifestyler may have a 'sense of humor', it is a sense of humor in a [[molestation|creepy uncle]] sense rather than a lulzy one. This being said, the steampunk community has mostly been untouched by [[herpes|the hands of trolls]], and many [[gay|diehard]] fans tend to take their fashion obsession [[serious business|very, very seriously]]. Because of this, the [[men]] and [[men|women]] of the subculture are particularly easy to troll. Here are some potential [[troll bait|'conversation starters']] for your next encounter with somebody who thinks that http://brassgoggles.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,26132.0.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">mechanical sex toys are totally [[cool]].
*Point out that corsets do not transform blobs of fat into an hourglass shape.
*Mention that [[Disney]]'s [[failure|Atlantis: The Lost Empire]] was a shitty movie and that [[dinosaur|Dinotopia]] sucked too.
*Call him/her [[gothic]].
*Remind him that wearing a metallic vest and monocle in public makes him look like a [[rapist|creep]], not a gentleman.
*Remind her that all the corsets and bustle skirts in the world can't detract away from the fact that she's very plain, mousy looking and flat-chested.
*Compare the subculture to the [[furry]] fandom, since both groups have turned their [[fetishes]] into lifestyles. But point out that steampunks are worse. Boil in Hell, steamfags!
*Say that typing with [[trying too hard|verbosity]] does not look cool - it looks douchey and contrived.
*Call steampunk a [[16-year-old girl|phase]]
*Say "Oh yeah, like [[Will Smith|Wild Wild West]]!"
*Remind them that the slave trade was booming during the Victorian era, and that the upper class made most of their profits off of it. Therefore, [[Truth|Steampunk enthusiasts promote slavery]].
*Say that cyberpunk is vastly cooler and superior, and has much better works in its genre. Say that cyberpunk makes more sense than randomly throwing gears and steam into modern technology.

OSHA and Steampunk

because of their [[Chris-chan/SexScandal3|uncontrollable sexual frenzy]].]]

was against the law and considered an abomination in the eyes of Christ. As such, for the purposes of [[doing it for the lulz|historical accuracy]], should you see any steampunks reading these slanderous and [[sick fuck|depraved]] [[porn|pamphlets]], call the [[partyv&|bobbies]]!]]

.]]
Steampunk is supposed to be based on the [[moralfag|Victorian era]], the most fun-deprived era since the dawn of man, and the Industrial Revolution, the fastest ballooning of pollution and workplace death ever. The idea of universal goggle-wearing is ridiculously ill-founded because workplace safety wasn't invented until the after the Haymarket Affair in Chicago in 1866 and Upton Sinclair's book The Jungle united against robber barons the world over to reduce the efficiency of pork production. Nobody wore goggles at all. Ever. Not even divers. Divers were all [[User:Thayo|flips]] who worked without any equipment whatsoever. During the Industrial Revolution, all children between the ages of 7 and 14 ([[United States]]) or 4 and 17 ([[UK]]) were mandated to work in factories. They worked in canneries to throw floor scraps back into the cans, textile mills to crawl between the gears of the machines and find loose threads, steel mills to work the billows of the blast furnaces, coal mines to carry dead canaries out, and brothels to assist their [[prostitute|mothers]]. They suffered from this. Kids would often develop black lung by the age of 12 - kind of like puberty, only without a happy ending. If they didn't die from that, they died earlier from getting sliced up in some kind of industrial accident.

Forgotten is the fact that the whole point of the Victorian era was that no person ever had any sex with any other person. There was no showing of flesh, ever. Women were required by law to wear at least 4 layers of clothing between their neck and ankles and down to their wrists at all times. Swimming could not be performed in front of the opposite sex. If a woman wanted to swim, she asked her husband for permission, went to a women-only beach, changed into special waterproof clothing (still 4 layers) in a booth, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bathing_machine" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">and was carried in the same booth down into the water, where she could get wet without being seen. It is thus demonstrated that there is no such thing as "sexy" Victorian era clothing. If there's no "sexy" Victorian era clothing, there's no "sexy" steampunk clothing, and thereby no reason for [[slut|the women that like steampunk]] to even participate.

The only sex that took place in the Victorian era was child rape and that's when the first age of consent laws started.

TL;DR Summary

Blah blah blah ironic shit is ironic.

The Future of Steampunk

Some believe that steampunk is in the running to become the next evolutionary form of the [[Pokemon]] [[Hipster]], which means that it may very well end up a huge part of [[mainstream|'alternative']] fashion. [[USI]] levels skyrocket every time the fashion monster evolves, and [[tumblr|computer models]] indicate that if the preexisting fumes of self-importance within the steampunk fandom combine with hipster-level smugness, the results could be [[2012|catastrophic]]. While it may be [[too lazy|too late]] to keep steampunk clothing from sitting on the racks of [[mall|Nordstrom]] and [[Target]], it is your duty to try and stop the [[cancer]] before it spreads.

Gallery

External Links

*http://www.buzzfeed.com/steampunk/prada-goes-steampunk-for-fall-3n9d" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Classy motherfuckers, Willem Dafoe and Gary Oldman, modelling steampunk fashion for Prada, prompting the butthurt neckbeards of this shitty subculture to scream "OMG NOT REAL STEAMPUNK!!!1!1!!"
*http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/steampunk-weapons-useless-against-fists-2013043067132" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Steampunk weapons useless against fists

See Also

are turning deadly animals into literal killing machines.]]
*[[Subculture]]
*[[Fashion]]
*[[Etsy]]
*[[Ecstasy]]
*[[USI]]
*[[Hipster]]
*[[Scene]]
*[[Trying Too Hard]]
*[[Punk]]
*[[Goth]]
*[[Plastic Crap]]
*[[Dr. Steel]]
*[[Emilie Autumn]]
*[[Rusty Rockets|Russell Brand]] - With his [[goth|eccentric fashion sense]] and [[fag|flowery volcabulary]], many male steampunks aspire to be like this fag and attempt to replicate his personality and mannerisms, always with disastrous and highly obnoxious results. Sadly, no matter how accurate a steampunk's impression of Brand might be, they will always fail in one very important, nay, vital area: Russell Brand gets [[secks|laid]].
*[[The Unknown Autobot]]
*[[Bioshock]]

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[[Category:Fandom Stuff]] [[Category:Subcultures]]