An hero

Not to be confused with [[Suicide]].
See also: [[Mitchell Henderson]]. He was an inspiration.

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against an wall. Maybe somebody [[Mitchell Henderson|stole his iPod]]. Maybe he just [[Chris Benoit|killed his wife and kids]]. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a [[you|Fucktard]]. Maybe you can't live with the fact that you're a [[David Carradine|washed-up actor who's addicted to sex with Thai ladyboys]]. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the [[butthurt|music]], or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of [[final solution]]s and place a check in the [[suicide]] [[boxxy|box]], because [[TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL|tonight, you dine in hell]].
Simply [[suicide|pwning oneself]] [[IRL]] is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions, "An Heroes" are made, not born. You cannot fucking be An Hero, get over it!! When [[everyone|otherwise normal and rational people]] fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a [[shit]] about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". Don't let us stop you from trying, though. Having said that, becoming an hero is [[shit]] because you won't get to see the results of your [[suicide|successful endeavors]] (assuming Hell doesn't have a live broadcast of your funeral, you absolute pancake). However, if you do a [[school shooting]] and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric [[chair]]. There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to [[2006]], in reference to the prototypical An Hero, [[Mitchell Henderson]], who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a [[A and an|grammatical error]] made by many of his [[MySpace]] [[hugbox|friends]], and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to [[Darwin Awards|remove themselves from the gene pool]]. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including

.

You and Your Potential An Hero

[[You]] hate life. [[No one likes you|You have no friends]]. Your dad is an [[alcoholic]]. [[Your mom]] is a [[slut]]. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're [[gay]]. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost [[the game]]. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the [[military]] a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that.

Why you are NOT An Hero

*You have lost your Zune.
*You have friends who can spell.
*[[Jolene JRyda|The only people who fell for your faked suicide were juggalos.]]
*You did not kill yourself.
*You are still alive.
*Your eulogy is not posted on [[MySpace]] [[Facebook]]
*You are not Heath Ledger.
*You are not a [[16 year old girl]]
*You haven't finished drafting your suicide note.
*You are not Hammy Havoc.
*You are a Jew.
*You are a [[ginger]].

Why you ARE An Hero

*You lost your [[iPod]].
*You https://appleinsider.com/articles/09/07/21/worker_commits_suicide_after_iphone_prototype_goes_missing_reports.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">lost your [[iPhone]] 4G Prototype.
*You have lost the game.
*[[No one likes you]].
*[[An Wiiro|Your dad would not let you play Wii]].
*The world shall not [[ignore]] your pain any longer..
*You got a ticket for a ride on a [[Heaven's Gate|spaceship behind a comet.]]
*Your girlfriend dumped you.
*Your parents won't let you go see [[My Chemical Romance]].
*[[Rudolph Zurick|Your prison lover left you]].
*You are in an "internet suicide room."
*You got rejected from [[MIT]] or [[Harvard]].
*The [[Codey Porter|sand ninjas]] from Naruto made you kill yourself in a small sandbox.
*[[L._Ron_Hubbard|You]] overdosed on drugs when trying to create more stories for your [[Scientology|cult]] to believe.
*You get butthurt from people calling you a [[newfag]], when in reality...[[Fail|you are]].
*[[Self injury]] just wasn't enough.
*[[Twilight|Edward Cullen]] won't respond to your emails.
*You're [[Welfare|unemployed]].
*[[Megan Meier|You are in love with Josh Evans]].
*You think the internet is [[real]] life and you're AN HERO because some one who lives 5000 miles away says that your [[YouTube]] video is shit.
*You own a [[MacBook Air]].
*You're a "victim" of sexting.
*[[Your mom]] cancelled your [[World of Warcraft]] account.
*You are distraught that [[Michael Jackson]] died before he had a chance to molest you.
*You haven't had a girlfriend since [[1984]], and haven't gotten laid since [[George Sodini|1990]].
*You enjoy [[Dustin Michaels|choking on both cocks and weed]].
*You are [[Wikipedia:Jeremy Michael Boorda|Admiral Boorda]] and know that you'll never earn that fifth star.
*You are into [[Autoerotic asphyxiation]] and your [[orgasm]] lasted longer than you thought.
*You got falsely banned on a random wiki.
*[[Ricardo Lopez|You simp for Björk]]

Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero

that anime contains subliminal messages that influence people to become an heroes]]
*[[Guns]]
*[[cutting|Razor blades]]
*[[Mitchell Henderson|A lost Ipod]]
*[[Mr. Hands|Sex with a horse]]
*[[Chris Benoit|Strangulation]]
*[[Criss Angel|Being a witch]]
*[[Kool-aid]] Actually [[fact|it was Grape Flavor-Aid]], Hollywood made it Kool-Aid.
*[[Kurt Cobain|Shotgun Mouthwash]]
*[[Lil_Peep|Drugs]]
*[[The Great Sonic-cide of 2007|Bricks and knives]]
*[[Robert Hawkins|Shooting up malls claiming you'll be famous]]
*[[Jesus|Pissing off the Jews and Romans, then carrying a crucifix up a hill so you can get nailed to it]]
*[[JEWS DID WTC|An American Aeroplane]]
*A circular saw
*[[Amanda Todd|Bleach]]
*Listening to the [[Anti-Lulz|Jonas Faggot]] Brothers
*Listening to Miley Cyrus
*[[Doki Doki Literature Club|Rope]]

Types Of An Heroes

The Main Ones (Male And Female)

"An Hero"

]]

In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "[[Nigra|a Negro]]" or "[[Necrophilia|a Necro]]".

It is also an obscure [[fact]] that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in [[British]] [[English]]. This will remain a little known fact, [[Noone cares|as nobody gives a fuck]].

Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero

Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his [[Nintendo]] Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed [[AIM]] CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa [[Emo]]fag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself.

"[[An Heroine]]"

that ever was.]]
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is [[over 9000]] times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has [[at least 100]] times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine [[dying alone]]. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In all other cases, the woman attempts [[suicide]] and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. [[Attention whore|These women]] believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful.

See also: [[Unrealistic Expectations]] and [[Celebrity|Hollywood Martyr]]. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are [[Megan Meier]], whose suicide produced epic [[BAWWW]] all over the internets, and [[Christine Chubbuck]], a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after [[did it for the lulz|making a joke]] that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts".

[[JEWS DID WTC|Emos did Hannah Bond]]

Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically [[My Chemical Romance]], were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the [[United Kingdom]] named [[Hannah Bond]].

Fuck her.

An Villain

, this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.]]
Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious [[IRL]] trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include [[Gary Oak]] (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), [[Jesus]] and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too.

An Sidekick

Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to [[AIDS|sickness]], [[Christopher Reeve|paralysis]], [[Josef Fritzl|incarceration]] or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to [[Murder|assist]] them in their [[Suicide|endeavour]], usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor.

SecondhANd HERO

[[Copypasta]] from [[TOW]]:

[[wikipedia:Anna_Svidersky|Anna Esther Svidersky]] (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a [[16-year-old girl|teenager]] who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a [[McDonald's]] restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her [[death]] quickly spread worldwide, initially through the [[Internet]] friends site [[MySpace]], where she had a personal page, and then through other [[ED|similar sites]].

An Hero Deluxe

These are just like the inferior version, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, and then use their last bullet to clean the slate.

Instructions

#Having made all other preparations common to regular procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer, the more illegal the better.
#Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or [[shotgun]]s).
#Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there).
#Kill em' all, baby.
#Remember: that last shot is for you.

Notable Instances:

*[[Adam Lanza]]
*[[Asa Coon]]
*[[Munich Massacre|Ali David Sonboly]]
*[[Brandon Scott Hole]]
*[[Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II|Bryce Williams]]
*[[Chris Benoit]]
*[[Chris Harper-Mercer]]
*[[Cho Seung-Hui]]
*[[Devin Patrick Kelley]]
*[[Columbine|Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris]]
*[[Elliot Rodger]]
*[[Éric Borel]]
*[[Campinas Cathedral Shooting|Euler Fernando Grandolpho]]
*[[Zug Massacre|Friedrich Leibacher]]
*[[Luby's massacre|George Hennard]]
*[[George Sodini]]
*[[Gian Luigi Ferri]]
*[[Gleb Korablev]]
*[[Suzano School Shooting|Guilherme Taucci Monteiro and Luiz Henrique de Castro]]
*[[Jake Davison]]
*[[Jaylen Fryberg]]
*[[Jeff Weise]]
*[[Kimveer Gill]]
*[[Marc Lepine]]
*[[Nghtmrchld26|Matthew Murray]]
*[[Michael Kenneth McLendon]]
*[[Michael Ryan]]
*[[Mutsuo Toi]]
*[[Nasim Aghdam]]
*[[Pekka-Eric Auvinen]]
*[[Philipp Fusz]]
*[[Randy Robert Stair]]
*[[Rickard Andersson]]
*[[Rina Palenkova]]
*[[Robert Card]]
*[[Robert Hawkins]]
*[[Robert Steinhäuser]]
*[[Ronnie McNutt]]
*[[Santino William Legan]]
*[[Sayfullo Saipov]]
*[[Sebastian Bosse]]
*[[Shuaiby|Shuaib Aslam]]
*[[Stephen Kazmierczak]]
*[[Stephen Paddock]]
*[[Thomas Watt Hamilton]]
*[[Tim Kretschmer]]
*[[Tobias Rathjen]]
*[[Verne Troyer]]
*[[Vladislav Roslyakov]]
*[[William Atchison]]
*[[Woo Bum-kon]]

IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century [[faggotry|fagification]] of the [[Engrish]] language

While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern [[Noam Chomsky|linguists]], [[tl;dr|usage of the quantifier an before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with an h in the onset was common usage before the 17th20th century]].

As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney:

A Dictionary of the English Language (1824), defines the word heroical as something befitting https://books.google.com/books?id=lqsRAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA348&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">an hero.

The Gentleman's Magazine (1787) https://books.google.com/books?id=ykwDAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA209&dq=%22an+hero%22#v=onepage&q=%22an%20hero%22&f=false" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">uses an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to [[penis|Johnson]].

Honoring An Heroes

An hero Day

*On April 20, 571 AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless [[Islam|Muslims]] would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[At least 100 years ago|1889]], [[Adolf Hitler]] was born. After causing [[Holocaust|lulz]], he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[World War II|1945]] - [[military|The US Military]] captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him.
*On April 20th, 1978, a war "jouralist" [[White Devils|cumskin]] named Lord Richard Cecil decided to exist in [[Africa]] so that he could cover the [[Zimbabwe|Rhodesian bush war]]. His mayo monkey arse was predictably reduced to 0HP by a [[Nigger]]. Dumbass Honky.
*On April 20th, 1998, A German-Iranian kid was born with the name of [[Ali Sonboly]]. In 2016, he would cause his own lulzfest in Munich.
*On April 20th, 1999, [[Columbine|two heroes]] named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes.
*On April 20th, [[2006]], [[Mitchell Henderson]] was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his [[iPod]]. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero.
*On April 20th, [[2007]], [[wikipedia:Johnson_Space_Center_Shooting|a man raided mission control]] in [[Houston]] and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero.
*On April 20th, 2007, [[Ben Vodden]] hanged himself because his bus driver called him a wank.
*On April 20th, [[2010]], an [[oil]] rig off the Gulf Coast called [[Deepwater Horizon]] was blown up by [[Islam|Muslims]]. Stoners all over the world didn't notice.
*An hero day is also [[Weed|4/20]], count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself

[[Asperger's Syndrome|Songs]]

Hero Anthem

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/bridgend-deaths-police-warn-of-bebo-internet-suicide-cult-774532.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">simultaneously.]]

:Where have all the good parents gone?
:And where is my iPod?
:Where's the street-wise bullies?
:To assault me after school?
:Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?
:Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be

:(Chorus)
:I'll be An Hero
:I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night
:I just killed two cops
:And I'm gonna be dead
:And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue

:I'll be An Hero
:I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
:I had a bad day
:And I was called gay
:And now I'm gonna be larger than life

:I’ll be An Hero

:Somewhere after midnight
:In my depressing LiveJournals
:Somewhere, just beyond my reach
:There's a noose in reach of me

:Racing to the bathtub
:And cutting both my wrists
:It's gonna take a headshot to sweep me off my feet, yeah

:(Repeat Chorus)

:Down where the grave meet the Hells below
:Out where the trolls splits MySpace
:I swear everyone says [[DO IT FAGGOT]] to me
:Through the wind and the chill and the rain
:As I drink all the bleach
:I can feel its approach like a fire in my throat

:(Repeat Chorus)
:I’ll be An Hero
:I'm becoming An Hero at the end of the night
:I just killed two cops
:And I’m gonna be dead
:And I’m gonna be fresh from the morgue

:I’ll be An Hero
:I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
:I had a bad day
:And I was called gay
:And now I’m gonna be larger than life

:Now I’m An Hero.

An Heroes Song

(To the tune of "Heroes" by David Bowie.)

I-I wish I could find

Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig

Though nothing-nothing will keep us together

I can't find it-I've lost it forever

Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'

We-we've been playing

Playing-playing some 'Doom'

And Manson he told us to slay

Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'

We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'

I-I went on Bebo

I saw-BSC

And in Wales-and found me a tree

Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop

But before-told 'The Sun' bout me

I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me

Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit

Let's be an heroes (3X)

On 'An Hero Day'

Let's be an heroes

We're dying, and dying by ourselves

We need attention, oh put me on 4chan

But we could be famous, til the meme dies

Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'

Oh, on 'An Hero Day'

NotAnotherAnthem

I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.

The [[fact|Official]] An Hero Song

The "An Hero" Paradox

wants you to become an hero.]]

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with [[iPod]]s must steal each other's [[iPod]]. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an [[iPod]], most likely producing the same results as [[Divide by zero|dividing by zero]].

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an [[iPod]] should become an hero immediately due to the intense [[fail]] of [[iPod]]s. The only problem with this is that only [[emo]] [[faggots]] use [[iPod]]s. And [[you]] should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly).

Videos

Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero

|}}
}}

GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE

Template: frameView/Edit

Template: frame
This template inserts specific content or formatting. View template page for more details.