Aspierations

Aspierations are the fundamental flaws in the overly simplistic world view of a sufferer of [[Asperger's Syndrome]] which causes them to [[fail]] at the internet so much. This is intended as a factual article which will enable you to [[troll|support and comprehend]] the sufferer in your life in a more effective way.

{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||ASPIERATION
|-
|Making fun of people in [[pain]] is an [[asshole]] thing to do, and you should stop doing it... || ...therefore, informing people who enjoy [[Troll|ridiculing]] people in pain of how much [[emo|pain and anguish]] they are inflicting upon you will make them stop.
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|Everyone should have [[an]] personal, private environment in which they are free to [[masturbate|express themselves creatively]] without fear of ridicule or spite... || ...and a public internet forum which is searchable by every human being on the planet will provide precisely such a haven.
|-
|One's personal details represent delicate, important information vital to one's [[hacker|security]] and [[failure|public image]], and having them circulated and/or [[abuse|abused]] by a [[Anonymous|spiteful individual]] would be ruinous to one's [[retarded|mental]] and (potentially) [[Scientology|financial health]]... ||...but nobody's gonna see them on your [[LJ]], [[amirite]]?
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|If [[Anonymous]], [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]], or a [[TOW|similar group]] realize that you are genuinely indifferent about their ribaldry toward you, they will give up and find [[furry|another target]] instead... ||...and the best way to convince them is a [[Wiscon#The_Inevitable_Backlash|fourteen-paragraph Livejournal rant]] about how you DON'T CARE and how [[lie|you're better than all of them]].
|-
|Some of that [[anime]] is, like, [[bullshit|pretty kickass]]. It's got, like, [[Hellsing | vampires]] and [[Naruto | ninjas]] and [[Exploding_Van|explosions]] and giant [[Shitting Dick Nipples|boobies and shit]] in it... ||[[DO IT FAGGOT | ...and you should admit this, everywhere on the internet, at every given opportunity.]]
|-
|Each line of a conversation will follow basic rules. What you say will be relevant to previous statements; it will provide sufficient, not excessive or deficient, information; it will be reasonably organized; and it will be truthful... || ... and the same will apply to conversations on [[b|/b/]], [[IRC]], [[LJ]], [[tl;dr|etc.]]
|}

Other Forms

[[Trannies]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||TRANSPIERATION
|-
|Nobody knows about you better than yourself.
|| ...therefore biologists, psychologists and medical doctors with years of specialized trainings are bullshiting me.
|-
|There has never been universally agreed standards of masculinity and feminity.
|| ...therefore you MUST agree I'm a woman even with my footballer's shoulders, square jaw, baritone voice, and five o'clock shadow.
|-
|Conversation requires being sensitive to the preference of the other party.
||...therefore if you don't use my [[personal pronouns|made-up pronouns]] I'll get you fired from your job!
|-
|Sometimes straight people seek out trannies to satisfy a sexual fetish, or for experimentation.
||...[[Cotton_Ceiling|therefore any straight guys or gals must find me fuckable, or they are a bigotted shitlord!]]
|-
| Trans people often face discrimination, from their families, in their jobs, in their daily lives. And they are easy targets on the internet.
||... therefore all cis people MUST DIE!!
|}

[[Furries]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||ASFURATION
|-
|Some people wrongly think that being a furry is just about dressing up in animal costumes and having [[sex]]... || ...when it also includes [[babyfur|diapers]], [[plushie|stuffed toys]] and [[fat furry|giant tubs of lard]].
|-
|Furries are part of a fandom who seek to escape the difficulties and drama life often holds. Being a furry is about having fun and expressing yourself...|| ...and we demand you give us equal rights - just like [[women]], [[black people]] and [[gays]].
|-
|Furries are very tolerant of other people, no matter how different they may be...||...except for [[trolls]], furry haters, anyone who criticises their [[Shit|art]], [[NORPs]], and most other furries.
|-
|Being a furry does not mean condoning [[bestiality]]... ||...it's about condoning consensual sex between a human and their animal in a kind and loving manner.
|-
|Nobody should be ashamed of being a furry. It's a harmless pastime which should be as enjoyable as possible and bring people together... ||...which is why all furries live through the [[internet]].
|-
|Some furries have a deep spiritual connection to their chosen animal... || ...[[otherkin|because hyoomans are shit-filled sacks of skin. I should know because I am one. Erm - no - wait...]]
|}

[[Webcomics]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||COMICSPERATION
|-
|Making comics for general consumption in newspapers is [[Batshit insane|a dying business model]], and no upcoming comic creator can possibly making a living doing it... || ...so we'll make [[money]] trying to charge people on the [[Internet]] for it instead!
|-
|Editors at various newspapers and publishing companies force artists to water down their work so it can be safely read by [[Lemon Party|grandparents]] to [[lolicon|their small children]]...|| ... so we won't accept any sort of [[trolling|criticism]], even when our work honestly sucks!
|-
|The key to making money is not from charging people for content, but from [[Prostitution|the secondary merchandising and selling of ad space on our respective sites]]...||...unless you're http://www.webcomics.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Webcomics.com, and then you can charge $30 without letting visitors see any samples first.
|-
|Being a webcomic creator isn't about being a [[whore|T-shirt vendor]]... ||...it's also about being a book vendor, a coffee cup vendor, a [[cock|jockstrap]] vendor...
|-
|Webcomics can be made in any format, any size, any genre, and by any [[Niggers|demographic]]... ||...which is why all the successful webcomics are about [[videogames]] and/or [[nerds]], and are made by [[White|fat, balding white men]].
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|There are [[Shit Nobody Cares About|tons of exceptional, beautifully illustrated webcomics]] making their creators [[Hookers and Blow|a living wage and untold fortune]]... || ...you know, like [[xkcd]]!
|}

[[Christians]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||CHRISPIERATION
|-
|Christianity is the most successful religion because it teaches tolerance, love and forgiveness... || ...so the best way to get people on our side is to tell them they're going to burn forever in [[hell]] unless they think exactly what we think.
|-
|The Christian church has taught us that all people are equal...|| ...even though the heads of the Christian church are all [[white]] [[men]].
|-
|[[Homosexuality]] is a sin against God...||...[[shota|but it's OK if they're under the age of consent]].
|-
|[[Creationism|Evolution is only a theory]]. It still has many holes which need to be understood... ||...and acting like a rabid ape will prove it's all bullshit.
|-
|Although the number of [[atheists]], [[muslims]] and [[agnostics]] is growing, at least 80% of Americans define themselves as Christian... ||...we're being oppressed!
|-
|[[God]] works in mysterious ways. We may never fully understand his nature... || ...but ours is the only true religion. Seriously.
|}

[[Atheists]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||ATHPIERATION
|-
|Atheists just want people to be able to think for themselves... ||...that's why they buy billboard ads insisting that people stop believing in God.
|-
|The hallmark of a theist is their inability to think for themselves and believe anything they read... || ... we know this because we've read The God Delusion by [[Richard Dawkins]], God Is Not Great by [[Christopher Hitchens]] and [[Twilight]] of the Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche.
|-
|Atheists are more community-minded and [[liberal]] than most theists...||...and the best way to prove it is to post [[youtube]] videos supporting [[pedophilia]].
|-
|There are many misconceptions about atheists - most people think they are [[fat|overindulgent]] [[emo|disillusioned]] young adults [[elitist|who think they know everything]]... ||...so [[TheAmazingAtheist]] is our spokesperson.
|}

[[Tea Party]]
{| border=1 cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0
|REAL LIFE ||TEAPERATION
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|America is a land where everyone is free to live their life, without fear of being oppressed and censored, as long as they are not hurting others... || ...which means that the government should ban [[gay sex]] and [[gay marriage]] because those things are, like, totally gross!
|-
|The [[Constitution]] is a document that should be held in a very high regard. We do not believe that our politicians should rewrite it, just because a minority with megalomania says they should... || ...but that doesn't apply to the parts WE THE PEOPLE disagree with! REPEAL THE FOURTEENTH AMENDMENT TODAY!!!
|-
|Illegal immigrants are taking our jobs, not bothering to learn the language, lazy, and threating to destroy our culture. They should stay out of here... || ...although nothing beats having an easily affordable [[slave|gardener]] and [[whore|maid]] to do all those pesky chores.
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|People should be critical towards the mainstream media, and not unquestionably believe everything said on TV...||...while [[Fox News]] might be a much viewed cable station, which shamelessly panders to large segment of the American population, and are backed by a [[Rupert Murdoch|major media corporation]], they are obviously NOT mainstream media, so everything they say are the gospel!
|}

See also

*[[:Image:Aspirations.jpg|Aspirations]]
*[[List of Proposed Internet-Based IRL Communities]]

[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Trolls]]