BioShock Infinite

Bioshock Infinite is the third, as well as the most overrated, installment of the [[Bioshock]] series. As its predecessors it's an on-rails shooter that tries to be System Shock 2 as it incorporates cities located in inconvenient locations (i.e. space, underwater, and the sky), everyone in said city trying to kill you over some rebellion, and superpowers. But where the first two Bioshock games only featured little-to-no escort and a quick plot twist, BioShock Infinite is needlessly just one big escort mission and contains the most pretentious plot in any video game ever. This video game has been praised left and right from critics when in reality, it's one of the most uninspired shooters ever made. [[Call of Duty]], despite the pile of shit it is, actually had a much better paced story than Bioshock Infinite ever had.

Plot

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The game takes place in [[steampunk|1912]] as you play as a broke [[alcoholic]] named Booker hired to [[Kidnapping|get a girl]] (Elizabeth) from an old guy (Comstock) in a floating city, and sell her to buy more cheap whiskey. Booker soon finds Elizabeth only to realize that she has [[autism|time-control powers]] that both sides of a civil war want. [[Do not want|A ten-hour long escort mission]] later, Booker kills Comstock and some other shit happens but it is all literally pointless because the game does a [[delete fucking everything|complete retcon]] killing you before the game starts. It turns out Comstock is just Booker from another timeline, and Elizabeth says that killing him was pointless as there's [[Over 9000|a million]] other Comstocks in other timelines. And even though she just stated that killing one person wouldn't change anything, she kills Booker, which for some reason also kills her in all timelines. And then the game does a complete retcon of that by showing Booker alive in a post-credit scene.

Many [[retards|gamers]] have tried to make sense the game's http://www.computerandvideogames.com/399176/bioshock-infinite-ending-explained" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ending and other shit. While most people see the game for what it is, riddled with plot holes, it has not stopped some people from wasting their time by releasing videos, articles and even diagrams trying to explain this mess. Though, to be honest, when it comes to the videos it's mostly pretentious assholes trying to rake-in on dem [[YouTube]] moniez.

Characters

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*Booker DeWitt: The protagonist. Arguably the [[angsty]]est little bitch in video game history as he can't go one hour without having a flashback. These flashbacks mostly caused by his enormous drinking and gambling, to which he inexplicably resorted after his admirable and proud career of killing [[Indian]]s and cracking communist skulls.

*Elizabeth: The girl Booker's hired to get. The developers [[Trying too hard|try way too hard]] to make the player care about her as they make her a [[Doctor_Who|time lord]], Booker's daughter, and Columbia's heir; but in the end, she's just walking [[tits|cleavage]] designed to get virgin gamers to buy the game. This was a huge success despite her actually looking like a bridge dwelling troll from folk novels, but no one looks at her face.

*Zachary Hale Comstock: An old guy that built Columbia to escape the [[nigger]] and [[spic]] hordes [[America|below]]. [[Nice try|Respectable effort in itself]], but since time-travel gave him [[erectile dysfunction]], he decided to kill his wife and buy Elizabeth from Booker. One of the fifty million plot twists of this game is that Comstock is Booker.

*Robert and Rosalind Lutece: Without a doubt, the least memorable characters in the game despite them never shutting the fuck up. Two [[Autist]]ic autophiliacs who are supposedly just alternate versions of each other. They took masturbation one step further and found out what it would be like to plow yourself. Contributing not only to alternate reality [[bullshit|science]], but to the science of guzzling your own alternative version's cum.

*Songbird: Elizabeth's guardian. A robot pigeon with a creepy [[Mechanophilia|pseudo-romance]] with Elizabeth. Elizabeth drowns him.

Gameplay

Nothing like a good old sip of piss mixed with vodka to give you special powers to summon some whore ghost to cause people to shoot themselves, or to have the ability to burn the flesh right off your masturbation hand. BioShock Infinite has re-defined the meta in gameplay with these [[cliche|game-breaking]] new abilities that look exactly like that of any other shit game that came out a few years before. More about the gameplay includes shooting the founding fathers right in the face, and an awful half-assed plotline that makes references to [[retards|Christianity]] and [[gays|patriotism]]. They tried pulling a [[Sonic|Sonic 06]], which was arguably one of the worst video games of all time, but failed even against that dingle berry of a game. If you want textures that look like its a photo of the inside of a public toilet, and the subtlety of leading some bitch hoe around for the entire game, then this kind of gameplay is straight up your alley. It should also be noted that the cunt is unkillable, and therefore serves as nothing more than an immortal dispenser with a vagina.

The game itself is a very stripped back version of its predecessors, less plasmids/vigors, less [[guns|guns]], shitty meaningless upgrades and boring-as-fuck combat. It can only be enjoyed being played on [[pussy|easy]] - otherwise killing the big guys becomes tedious, not because of improved AI, but because of [[lazy|increased HP]]; unsurprisingly though, when put on easy, the rest of the enemies become insultingly simple, just like [[whore|Elizabeth]]. Also, that fight with Lady Comstock's ghost (Probably also Elizabeth) three times was easily the best part that shits all over [[Halo|Casual Souls]].

They removed the manual save option from the previous games [[Bullshit|due to players abusing its use before a boss fight]] when in reality they were just [[Troll|assholish fucks]] that jack off to people not being able to close the game at their own convenience. To further prove what evil bastards they are, they made it confusing as fuck and practically impossible to tweak the game's Configuration files or install a mod that at the very least lets you get your own fucking saves back.

Graphics

The game uses cartoony graphics, and shitloads of bloom and HDR, to mask that it actually looks like shit. http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130406210051/bioshock/images/e/e5/Elizabethsmili.png" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">With those shitty graphics it actually looks like http://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/104/1040021/tales-of-monkey-island-chapter-4-the-trial-and-execution-of-guybrush-threepwood-20091028000657933_640w.jpg" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Tales of Monkey Island. Elizabeth also has a http://images.eurogamer.net/2012/articles/1/5/3/6/6/5/7/135575229036.png" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">head the size of her upper body, while looking like an http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/12/122165/1833673-elizabeth_bioshock.jpg" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">8 year old girl. She is supposed to look [[pedophile | 17.]] And to appeal to the ronery anime [[NEET]] crowd, http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130301211904/bioshock/images/3/31/BioShockInfiniteLizThumbAIIGNVid.jpg" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">her eyes are http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130402012743/bioshock/images/4/4f/8870_2013-04-01_00001.jpg" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">twice bigger than any other character's.

Burial At Sea

in charge of being creative.]]
This is the title of the next major DLC and unfortunately not what happens to this shit franchise. It will feature one new plasmid and some new weapons. And the first hour will be spend without any actual gameplay. Yes, you will play the exciting game of [[Gone Home|walking around and looking at shit]]. In a game that only actually lasts one and a half hour.



But doubtlessly all Bioshit fantards will defend this.

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OH SO EDGY

Episode 1

Thanks to the multiverse bullshit introduced in Infinite, we are now in an alternate reality where we gets to play as the two poorly developed characters from that pile and raping the fluff to oblivion. Booker and Elizabeth go to find their lost pedobait, but it leads them to the insane faggot from the first game and they got electrocuted, and die (I wish). After that, they get to fight down syndrome versions of the Splicers from the [[bioshock|first game]] with even fewer vigors plasmids to chose from, and for some reason they have the same names that they have in Columbia even though they're in [[Circular logic|fucking Rapture]]. In the end, Booker find out he is Cumstuck, and Elizabeth has him [[Gurren Lagann|drill raped]] by a Big Daddy.

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Just like the first bioshock! oh wait...

Episode 2

Upon realize the rising popularity of the upcoming [[shit|thief]] game, Ken being a complete hack decided to completely change the original gameplay and turned it into a generic, boring stealth shooter. The new and astonishing gameplay includes countless train wreck hours of a stealth section that requires the player to shoot everyone in the knee while being invisible. [[metal gear solid|Sounds familiar?]]. Ken Levine likes the gameplay so much that he made a 1999 edition, which no one cares about.

This time you gets to play as Elizabeth. After all the shit she went through, she is suddenly powerless and becomes Atlas' bitch for the entire game, but somehow the only wrench rape she gets is in the face. After shooting every poorly designed AI in the knee, Elizabeth translates a single piece of paper and ss knocked the fuck out by Atlas. [[bullshit|Turns out that piece of paper is encrypted with the activation code in order to awaken the main guy from the first game]]. This forced plot twist is only an attempt made by Ken to earn one last bit of Jew gold before he shut down his shitty company.

AWSUME STEALTH GAMEPLAY ACTION 10/10. Thank You Ken Levin.

Reception

The game has been hailed as a 10/10 GOTYAY even though it was released only a few months into the year. If you even try to say the game isn't deserving of a 10/10, you'll be viewed as [[smart|a contrarian]].

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/video-games/columns/extra-punctuation/11095-People-Make-Games-Not-Development-Studios]" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">

[http://www.metacritic.com/game/pc/bioshock-infinite/critic-reviews Idiot-retards praising the game

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At least three people see BioShit as it truly is

NOTE: This entire article becomes a lot better if you read it in this guy's voice.


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