Epic Beard Man

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Epic Beard Man (Thomas Alexander Bruso—a.k.a. Vietnam Tom a.k.a. Tom Slick a.k.a. I AM A MOTHERFUCKER: not to be confused with [[Wise Beard Man]].) is a 67 year old war veteran who gained internet fame on February 16th, 2010 in a video which was filmed by [[Sheneequa|Iyanna Washington]] and was posted to [[YouTube]]. In the video, our [[Whitey|elderly hero]] finds himself confronted by a racially sensitive and unreasonably angry drunk [[black]] man. Epic Beard Man subsequently surprises us by delivering a beat down so crushing in its righteousness that it has touched the scrotum of Jesus himself. Predictably enough, [[lulz]] ensued and [[b/|4chan]] dropped everything to crown their new [[peter|King]]. Epic Beard Man is a [[pretty cool guy|MOTHER FUCKER]]. He even has the shirt to prove it. [[Street Fighter|Take dat nigga.]]

The Videos

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Michael speaks out

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Note how he can suddenly speak perfect [[English]] for the radio after his [[Ebonics|gangsta rap patter]] on the bus. One can only conclude that he was indeed yelling for the beautiful siren Amber Lamps to come to his rescue. Meanwhile, [[President Obama]] has invited Vietnam Tom and Michael for a beer at the White House to patch things up.

The Recap

Summary of the Incident

Epic Beard Man (EBM) misheard a young black man and thought he offered to shine EBM's shoes. Since EBM needed some shoe shinin' done, he asked how much shining his Stacy Adams would cost. Mistaking EBM for a racist that thinks all blacks shine shoes, Michael takes off his glasses and starts getting his bug-eye going. EBM stated that he misheard the young man and that he doesn't have to shine his shoes, that he is not a racist and that anyone could shine his shoes. The angry young man presses further on with his accusations, threatening to put his foot up EBM's ass. EBM denies this proposition and goes to the front of the bus to try to avoid any physical confrontation. Michael runs up to the front (with support of onlooking passengers) and attempts to throw a left hook at EBM, and gets [[Pwned|wrecked]] immediately by an amazingly effective straight left punch after a feinting quick right.

The event occured on Bus Number 3057 of the AC transit system at the corner of 20th Street and Webster Street in Oakland headed towards the West Oakland. West Oakland is, incidentally, one of the less pleasant areas of the Oakland, in which [[USI]] is off the charts. The internet has exploded with discussion of the video, due in part to the old man's t-shirt (I AM A MOTHERFUCKER) and partly because a young black guy gets his shit handed to him by an old white dude.

The Birth of Meme Quadruplets

The incident brought about the birth of four [[forced meme|unforced]] meme quadruplets. In addition to the Epic Beard Man meme the other three memes are called:

I am a motherfucker: What was written on the shirt that Epic Beard Man wore.

Amber Lamps: The mispronunciation of ambulance by Michael, it is also the name given to the pretty girl in purple tights who was too pretty to give a shit about the whole affair because she is obviously not human.

Bring M&Ms: Another mispronunciation of ambulance.

These memes are used as the titles of [[over 9000]] videos that are circulating Youtube.

The crazy old fart is a hero not only to /b/tards, but to everyone that appreciates [[irony]]. EBM isn't racist, but most of [[Channers|his fans]] are.

Remixes

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Notable Quotes

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Gallery

The EBM Documentary

Nathan Maas and Aaron Curry filmed a documentary on EBM. It gives us insight into just how fucking epic this guy is. Oh, and EBM's friend (conveniently black), reassures us that EBM is not racist. He's just a motherfucker that knows how to kick ass.

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The EBM animation fight

DragonMaster Dan created EBM animation with DJ Relapse music

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Interview with Iyanna Washington

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Thomas Bruso

EBM is none other than Thomas Bruso, a man cops http://www.mercurynews.com/top-stories/ci_14434328?nclick_check=1" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">tasered at an Oakland A's game in 2009. After the event, where it took three cops to take him down for refusing to leave because he was carrying booze, Bruso was sent to the nuthouse for evaluation of his badassery. Bruso was once more admitted for a psychological evaluation at the John George Psychiatric Pavilion following the bus incident.

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BAG IS RETRIEVED

New interview with EBM. He states that the cop returns the bag to him, and he talks about how that bitch stole the bag right on camera.

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More importantly, He is aware of the pwnd guy's response video and (being the badass he is) states that he is more than ready for a rematch. [[Shit nobody cares about|Theres a song thrown there too.]]
Other details include that EBM is a cokehead, and smokes marijuana for his arthritis. All of which [[LOLWUT|makes him a perfect candidate for cage fighting]].

Interview with Epic Beard Man

Despite the preceeding bullshit dutifully reported by the media, the truth of the incident was finally told by the motherfucker himself in the following interview.

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The truth is that EBM just [[Glenn Beck|loves his country]], and still hasn't got his belongings back. Some anons, deluding themselves that they would dare go near a black person in real life for fear of getting their own asses beaten, have decided that this serious injustice against the elderly warhero must be set to rights. Enter Operation I AM A MOTHERFUCKER. And remember above all else, Epic Beard Man LOVES HIS MOMMA!

Insanity?

An http://www.cracked.com/article_18725_the-truth-about-epic-beard-man-viral-video.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">article on Cracked.com states that EBM is actually [[bipolar|insane]] and points out facts that the seething masses of dumb-fucks did not notice. In a nutshell, the article says:
* The "young" black guy is actually fifty years old. The guy says it on the video, and it's even there on the transcript above. Did you miss that fact? Everyone else did too, don't worry.
* EBM claims to have gone to Vietnam for the war. Turns out, he was honorably discharged due to, get this, [[ror|mental illness]].
* Fun fact: Bipolar people are prone to lie a lot. His interviews after the video included a [[lie|claim]] that during the confrontation, the black guy pulled a knife on him, and punched him in the jaw. Even though he totally didn't do any of that in the video. The lies don't stop there. He claims to have punched his father out at 15 and been put in the oven by his mother while he was a baby. EBM's sister said NONE of this ever happened. Who do you trust, [[Epic Beard Man|discharged for mental illness]] or [[woman|the guy's mentally sound sister?]] I think we all know [[EBM|the answer]] to that question
* Other [[batshit]] quotes include '"I know you're goin' crazy, too," he told the dog.', "I'm out of my mind and can't think anymore", and '"I can't even remember yesterday, to tell you the truth," he says. "Half the time, I don't even know what I'm saying. I ramble and ramble. I get high and happy and I just start talking."'
* Honestly, doesn't wearing a shirt that says "I AM A MOTHERFUCKER" just SCREAM crazy hobo?
* Altough we cannot forget the main fact: He is way too epic to be insane!

Epic Beard Man: The Game

Cause an Epic Man needs an http://www.yoyogames.com/games/116857-epic-beard-man-ftw" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Epic Game!!

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Play as the heroic Epic Beard Man and get your bag back off the bus, punching-out idiot homeboys along the way!!!

Annex 1: Amber Lamps

Amber Lamps, teh bitch in purple spandex. How come you paid no attention to what was going on? You are just too good to get distracted by humans. [[So ronery|Teh queen, MY queen, t3h 4mb0r L4mpz]]. She's a pretty dirty slut. She lives in teh hood and doesn't afraid of anything.

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[[Anonymous|Anonymous]] loves you Amber Lamps, you ride public transit and doesn't afraid of anything. A [[success]] to all [[b/|/b/]] and shall become a [[meme]] of [[epic]] win. Oh sweet queen, the [[Internet|internets]] will forever remember you for your stone cold resolve and your lamps of amber.

The Epic Fail Man Movie

A shitty movie about him is being made, where our now mexican hero beats up evil whiteys.

The http://web.archive.org/web/20130918042958/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6UCHk5pFmU" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">original video was deleted, here is a reupload:

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See Also

* [[Angry Grandpa]]
* [[Bus Uncle]]
* [[Jimmy McMillan]]
* [[I'M PRESSIN CHARGES]]
* [[Techno Viking]]
* [[Tourette's Guy]]
* [[The Peckham Terminator]]
* [[Wise Beard Man]] (VERY different guy)
* [[Waaaambulance]]
* [[Whistles go whoo]]

External Links

* http://tommyslick.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">tommyslick.com
* http://thomasbruso.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">thomasbruso.com
* http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/528307" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Excellent Parody
* http://cbs5.com/video/[email protected]" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Supposedly fair reporting by racist local news group and it so much bullshit
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epic_Beard_Man" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EBM on TOW

YouTube

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQJFv9SMSMQ" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Original Video of Epic Beard Man's Punchout Session
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5fnjFVPCek" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Epic Beard Man says FUCK YOU to the AC Transit Authorities
* http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicBeardMan" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EpicBeardMan on YouTube
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY7gCSFocsE" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">A Challenger Appears!

FaceBook

* http://www.facebook.com/pages/Epic-Beard-Man/314657635671?ref=nf#!/pages/Epic-Beard-Man/314657635671" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EBM Fan Page
* http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000795605288" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EBM's Fucking Facebook
* http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=100000795605288" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Epic Beard Man's Facebook Account
* http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=308828864193" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EBM Appreciation Society.