Snapchat

users.]]
snapchat story.]]
Snapchat (better known as, Snapcrap) is yet another photo sharing app created [[last thursday]] by yet another group of ivy league [[winner|losers]] who decided that there simply wasn't enough ways to allow [[16-year-old girls]] to send [[duckface|duckfaces]], or worse, [[dog filter]]-paved faces to their insipid, vacuous friends. It is, at least, the very first piece of social media to recognize that no selfie has ever been important enough to deserve to exist for [[shit_no_one_cares_about|more than 10 seconds]], and it popularized zoophile animal filters such as the [[dog filter]].

Snaptwat is currently one of the top five social networking platforms, along with [[Failbook]], [[Twitter]], and [[Instagram|Instacunt]], thus proving once again that there's never such as thing as an oversaturated marketplace on the [[internets]]. Facebook, trying in vain to prevent their continued downward spiral into obscurity, attempted to purchase Snapchat for $3 billion, but was [[fail|denied]], thus cementing their eventual internment in the Halls of Fail, just like [[Myspace]], and literally anything else [[Christopher Poole]] has done before them.

How it works

Snaps

Since smartphones have a limited amount of storage space (you know, like mere dozens of gigs) that could be devoted to more noble purposes like housing naked selfies that your angry ex-boyfriend will eventually post on [[B/|/b/]], Snapchat allows the [[loser|user]] to snap temporary pictures and videos of themselves (creatively called "Snaps") and send it to another user. It will then linger between one and 10 seconds on the other phone (the exact attention span of the average [[American]]) before being [[deleted|purged]], unless the person screen-caps the image for their own personal [[fapping|use]]. Remember, despite totally [[lies|untrue]] rumors, it is scientifically [[not|impossible]] to take a [[screencap]] on a smartphone, so feel free to send as many nude/gay Snaps of yourself as you want, because there is no possibility of them winding up anywhere on the internet, ever. Other than sending [[nudes]], Snapchat is now being used as a platform for selling [[drugs]] due to the snap only appearing to the other user for 10 seconds and notifying the sender if the [[drug addict]]/[[police|cop]] takes a screenshot of the snap.

Snapchat Stories

Alternatively, since nothing is more important than you, the user may instead elect to create a Snapchat Story. Unlike your ordinary Snap, Stories allow you to catalog every piece of fucktardedness you do (i.e. everything, since if you're using Snapchat you are clinically and certifiably [[fucktarded]]) over a period of time, and post it for a whole 24-hours. So, whether you're providing insightful minute-by-minute documentation of an Ariana Grande concert, or simply your 11th grade cheerleading practice (because, if you are out of high school and still using Snapchat, it's seriously time to [[suicide|re-evaluate your life]]) you can be sure that creepy teacher you added as a friend because he's "collecting pictures for the yearbook" will have all the [[fapping]] material he needs for the next 24-hours of his life.

Ha Ha Ha, Surprise Assholes

Of course, you'd have to be [[retard|pretty trusting]] to believe that a major social networking corporation actually gives a shit about your privacy. Snapchat had been secretly collecting users' [[dox|personal information]], such as physical locations, usernames, and phone numbers all along, 4.6 million of which were gleefully stolen by [[hackers]]. Oh, and all those photos and videos people thought were being permanently deleted were actually still stored and saved on the user's phone and, of course, on Snapchat's servers, so your n00dz were never "deleted", they just disappeared from your site, but once you've taken them, they're always there. Snapchat didn't actually cop to to any of this until the Federal Trade Commission caught them in the act of lying about all this, and Snapchat was forced to pony up [[over 9,000]] pounds worth of their [[Jew Gold]] in settlements. Naturally, none of these revelations meant anything to the vapid shitheads who use Snapchat, and so its popularity just continues to grow, and leave its competitors falling slowly down the shitter.

Gallery

See also

*[[Instagram]]
*[[Twatter]]
*[[Failbook]]

External links

* http://www.snapchat.com" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Snapchat
* http://techcrunch.com/2013/03/07/snapchat-lawsui/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Snapchat Lawsuit, Or How To Lose Your Best Friend Over $70 Million
* http://www.theverge.com/2014/8/26/6071911/snapchat-finds-investors-for-10-billion-valuation-round-report" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Investors reportedly buying into Snapchat at $10 billion valuation
* http://www.rt.com/business/387951-snapchat-shares-value-drop/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Snapchat slapped: $6bn wiped off value as shares collapse
* http://recode.net/2014/11/17/snapchat-to-let-you-send-money-to-friends-thanks-to-square/" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Snapchat to Let You Send Money to Friends, Thanks to Square
* http://www.businessinsider.com/snapchat-wants-brands-to-spend-750000-on-dissapearing-ads-2015-1" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Snapchat Wants Brands To Spend $750,000 On Disappearing Ads

[[Category:Social Media]]
|[[Michael Fitzhywel]]}}