Russia

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, [[Buddha]] and [[Willy on Wheels]]. Try to be more like him.]]

The Khanate of Russia or Tsardom of Russia is the only relevant Slavic country in the world. It was formerly a great country during the reign of the [[Soviet Union]]. It's capital is aptly named Mosque-Cow which is the base of operations for Queer Muslim Gremlins that dwell within fortress Kremlin. Mother Russia is inhabited by [[Communist]] bear-fighting drunks with Kalashnikovs for dicks and in the past for mostly mediocre-looking or even ugly mail-order brides (now they came from [[Ukraine]] and [[Moldova]]). Now Russia is like its former enemy the [[Jewnited States of Americunts|USA]], an ultra-capitalist [[Ghetto|pseudodemocracy]], the inhabitants are widely considered [[Europe|Euro-]][[niggers]]. As part of their primitive vodka-nigger nature, they often attack other countries [[for the lulz]] because that's what [[freedom]] is all about. Also, Russia recently has become the first country that officially supports the Darfur genocide, because the people of Fur, Masalit, and Zaghawa like to refer to themselves as "God's chosen people"... and when you do so, you're basically asking for it.

Geography

East of our other big, [[Fag|inscrutable friend]], [[China]], Russia is a big, big place, only being surpassed in size by [[Goatse]]’s anus. Its location, as [[Sarah Palin]] knows, is right next to [[Alaska]].

ðe Olde History

[[At least 100 years ago]] the Kievskaya Rus' ruled the area. Contrary to popular Russian belief, it was in fact founded by some lost [[Viking]]s who were hunting for Tartar Finno-Ugric aka "Russian" women because they wanted slaves.

FUN FACT: The word "SLAV-E" was actually derived from the word "Slav" because "Slavs" used to be "Slaves" traded by the heathen, no-good, pillaging, wimmin-raping, Jew Gold stealing Varangians! Long live Thor! Yep, that's actually no coincidence! Slavs = Slaves and their history reflects that pretty damn well! Please tell that to Belarusians and not Ukrainians (yep, Belarusians, because it is well-known fact that Russians are Finno-Ugric and Ukrainians are Turco-Iranians, in fact, there were no Russians and no Ukrainians at the time, and modern-day Belarusians were being referred to as "ov the Rus" meaning "slaves of Rus", which is a Finnish name of the Swedish Vikings) next time :-)

Vladimir, I had to decide between which Kike-worshipping Religion to convert to so he stole Eastern Orthodoxy. His reasoning behind doing so was Muslims stank, were pitiful, and forbade alcohol, Jews had clearly been abandoned by their god, and Catholics were barbarians that lived in mud huts (

). Vladimir wanted some Roman chick to be his wife. She was religious and wanted the whole country to be Jew. He said: "Fuck that(Rus')!". So he stole Eastern Orthodoxy from the [[Roman Empire|Byzantines]] and the Orthodoxy came...

In the 13th century Genghis Khan’s grandkid invaded and [[pwn]]ed the Kievskaya Rus'. [[Sweden]] tried to join the party, but everyone laughed at them because they hadn’t created [[cell phone|cellular telephones]] yet. The Mongols controlled Russia through tribute for at least three hundred years, which is a long time. This is why all the Russian tapestries and picture books from a few centuries ago have the bad guys looking like Guy Sebastian, who all Russians think is ugly. In 1480, Ivan the Great got Moscow organized. By 1480 Western Europe was experiencing a renaissance in [[art]] and [[religion|faith]], while the Russians were still forced by their Tatar Overlords stretching their asses open to see how much vodka they could fill it with. Ivan I's grandson, Ivan the Terrible, got the throne when he was three, which explains a lot. He became the first Czar as a [[13-year-old boy|teenager]] and set the my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours precedent for the rest of Russian history. He also set the precedent for invading random obscure little countries, after which he finally kicked the collective Tatar ass out of Russia.

Ivan the Terrible was an incredible [[lolcow]]. As an [[shota|8 year old boy]], he was molested by the majority of boyars presiding under him. Ivan's included [[W|robbing his own subjects]], killing animals for fun, and sitting by the fire with a nice book. When Ivan got around to settling down and marrying, he had a Mrs. Russia pageant to look for his [[waifu]]. He picked a woman who he called, My heifer. [[LOL WUT|Ivan was a deeply religious man and promiscuously bisexual]]. He himself was the abbot of a little monastic order called the Opprichniki, which would storm churches and have torture and buttsex while preaching Christian values.

Ivan the Terrible hit his son with a metal pole, which was fatal. When asked, Ivan said he "[[I did it for the lulz|vaz chust doeengk eet for zee lulz]]". His next son was an [[idiot]] who got kicked out by his brother-in-law. Then [[Poland]] invaded because Russia forgot about them. [[Irony|Ironically]], Russia has never forgotten about them since. Thus Russians can often be heard making snide remarks about Poles and partitioning them into tiny pieces with the [[Germany|Germans]], who enjoy them in sausages.

The next poor idiot to hit the Russian throne was Michael Romanov, whose descendants held onto it with an iron fist until the [[Communist|Gommunist]]s shot them. The Romanov dynasty was uneventful until Peter the Great, who decided to Europeanize the Asiatic hordes of Russia and forced all the nobles to shave their beards and learn French. He also [[pwn]]ed the Church. Everybody hated him. His grandson was a drunk and let his wife Catherine rule the country. She was called The Great too. This is because Russian historians aren’t very imaginative. They could have called her Catherine the Slut. Anyway, she did all sorts of shit for museums and newspapers and educational stuff. Catherine died at the age of 67 while having [[bestiality|sex with a stallion]] (she was crushed to death by the humongous [[Mr. Hands|horse-cock]]).

Then [[Napoleon]] invaded. Russia tends to get invaded a lot. Napoleon was a crazy Frenchman who had at the time conquered most of Europe for the [[lulz]]. Alexander 1 did not share his sense of humor. Being a chickenshit he told the army to just keep retreating. This turned out to be a good idea because by the time Napoleon occupied Moscow somebody had set fire to it. Contrary to popular belief though, Napoleon was defeated during the Russian Summer, not Winter; he invented the winter story so it wouldn't be so humiliating for him. He ran away to take it [[in the ass]] at Waterloo.

Rasputin was the single reason for the downfall of the Romanov dynasty. A man who would now represent a pedophiliac Baloo Bear from The Jungle Book, he made the Tsarvich's son Alexi sing "The Bear Necessities" while stroking his [[#Rasputin's Wang|erect penis]].

The Russian revolution shortly followed, as they were homophobes and not impressed by this [[PETA]] like behavior by the heir to the throne. It also turns out Alexi was [[emo]] and used to cut himself whilst thinking about all the times his father had ignored him over the years.

Meanwhile, all the peasants were serfs and hated it, so they decided to have a [[Communist|Gommunist]] [[Revolution]], which was never particularly communist but, to be fair, was a pretty cool revolution. Lenin was the first “communist” leader of Russia. Then he had a [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|heart-attack]] from eating too many smuggled [[McDonald's]] burgers, and everything just went downhill from there. [[Messin' With Sasquatch|Stalin]] was a paranoid bitch who had all his enemies shot. Leon Trotsky, his main opposition, died mysteriously by falling brain-first onto an ICE AXE while living in Mexico City. Mexican officials were not at all suspicious. Then he had all his friends shot for good measure. Just in case he had missed someone, he starved all the Ukrainians to death. Starvation was a good idea because eventually they were going to turn into zombies 60 years after Chernobyl anyway. The KGB NKVD is the organization that did all the shooting because they were the only Russians who could be trusted not to shoot Stalin. The KGB NKVD ended up shooting itself multiple times, including the organization's leader. After a while, they decided propaganda was easier than shooting people.

The Cold War

The [[Flame war|Cuckold War]] began at Yerevan when Wilson and Churchill became jealous after overhearing Stalin and the President of Armenia comparing the size of their wangs. With Churchill and Wilson's wangs being much smaller they felt the need to overcompensate by taking over the Eastern World. Unfortunately for Stalin, people need to eat in order to work and be content. What Russia was good at was getting into missile-pissing matches with the United States and collecting third-world nations like Pokemon cards. The super holographic card of the deck was [[Spain|Cuba]], which had a rich supply of cigars, sugar, and pork sandwiches.

Soviet Russia was very different from the Western World. For example, in [[California]], you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party could always find you. In other ways, they had things in common. For example, the citizens of Soviet Russia were very hateful of [[Latvia]]ns.

by the [[United States]], or that its his bedtime.]]

The USA was jealous that the Soviet Union had control of Russia. To counter this, [[NATO]] installed nuclear missiles in [[Turkey]] to show Russia who was the boss. Russia attempted to place a large arsenal of nuclear weapons in Cuba, leading to the [[Cuban Missile Crisis]]. The US's naval superiority and [[JFK]]'s [[rich and beautiful|stunning good looks]] quickly put Russia back in its place, safely ending the crisis. And Americans won't really buy any nuke shelters til present day...

The entrance of [[Ronald Reagan]] spelled doom for Soviet Russia. With Reagan's super strength, heat vision, and with Bonzo the Supermonkey at his side, the United States would soon become the victor in the Battle of the Cocks, for [[Florida|America's cock]] was/is biggest of all (approximately the size of Japan...x2). But Reagan failed because the White American cock was to small so he decided to use black Cocks but failed again because [[The Great Black Dick Hoax|black dicks are infact small]] so he used his special weapon [[Nigger]]s with [[Dildo|giant Prosthetic dicks]] and won the Cuckold War.

Gorbachev tried to prevent the United States from conquering the USSR by implementing perestroika and glasnost. Perestroika was an economic reform which consisted of changing the Russian currency to the US dollar and hiring Donald Trump to clean up the business sector of Russia. Unfortunately for Russia, Donald Trump soon left the project in favor of cultivating [[Paris Hilton]]'s career and filming reality TV shows.

Glasnost was social reform. Some freedom of press was allowed, resulting in angsty teenage poetry being printed in all major newspapers in the U.S.S.R. Prohibition was also enacted since Gorbachev felt that Russians drank too much vodka, not leaving enough for his personal use. This resulted in the Great Vodka Revolt of 1985 in which 1.2 million people died.

Prohibition was lifted soon after.

Roll the end credits...

In 1991, the Soviet Union fell after Gorbachev admitted to being quoll furry during a press conference with the Prime Minister of [[Australia]]. Disgusted with how [[awesome|godless]] their country had become, the Russian population revolted against the government and installed a [[No|democracy]]. This quickly led to a flood of Tropicana orange juice, Nike sneakers, and heroin into the country.
The Russian Federation was born. In the spirit of the newfound democracy, the Russian people [[lie|selected]] a new leader that was truly representative of the people. In that, we mean, he consumed three meals consisting entirely of Stolichnaya every day. This man's name was [[drunk|Boris Yeltsin]]. Yeltsin oversaw the country's transition from a command economy to a [[lol|free-market]] economy, and needless to say, in his drunk hands, the experiment [[fail|failed]] miserably. Dazed Russians who all once again found themselves in the bread line wondered what the fuck happened. Yeltsin was one of the most corrupt, unpopular failures in history, and left the country in shambles. [[George W. Bush|Unsurprisingly, he was elected to a second term, nonetheless]].

In 2000, Yeltsin handed over power to the new glorious leader and proud pedophile, [[Vladimir Putin]]. Putin quickly assured that [[Blanking in progress|he would dismiss all of the corruption charges hanging over Yeltsin's head]]. What a fucking guy.

Later on August 30, [[2022]], it was announced that Gorbachev has [[death|died]] from a severe and prolonged illness. Goodnight our sweet prince.

Russia 2: Electric Boogaloo

In the mid-late [[Last Thursday|nineties]] it was thought by western powers, that the Russian Federation was well on it's way to become a divided cesspool akin to the Balkans. It was just a matter of time before local overlords and oligarchs start carving up their own neo-feudal fiefdoms from the rotting carcass of Russia/USSR. This grim and lulzy fate was, to the joy of some and despair of others, evaded by ruskies installing a first capable leader since [[Stalin|Stalin]] - [[Bad Vlad|Vladimir Putin]], and the results were magnificent indeed. Coming from a tried-and-true KGB stock (and thus having vitally important and useful secret service support), Putin went on to bitchslap the oligarchs, the press, the military, the political parties, his pet tiger and everyone else, those who could not be bitchslapped or, God forbid, were hostile towards glorious leader, soon suffered righteous Unfortunate Accidents™, such is life in Russia.

The first test of ¨Resurgent Russia¨ was the Russo-Georgian War. [[Georgia|Georgia]], the birthplace of Stalin but otherwise an unremarkable shithole, had a bunch of Russians living in the autonomous regions of Abkhazia and [[South Ossetia|South Ossetia]] who wanted to join their beloved motherland, but the mean old Georgians wouldn't let them. Seeing this great injustice, president Putin ordered a valiant liberation campaign against clearly fascist and cannibalistic Georgans. Within 5 days the Russian troops liberated the two territories.

Fast forward to 2014 and once again the new strength of Russia was made made evident for all to see. In [[Ukraine|Ukraine]], a fascist coup was instigated by the west, probably in order to facilitate easier buttfucking of ukrainians by said powers. Seizing the opportunity, Russia was once again able to help out her children by annexing legally incorporating the Autonomous Territory of Crimea into the Russian Federation after a fair and lawful referendum held in Crimea on that issue. Unfortunately, the territories of Donetsk and Luhansk were unable to fully escape the clutches of the Kievan fascists, and the conflict there continues til today.

In the recent times, Russia is engaged in valiant fight against [[ISIS|ISIS]] in Syria, bombing the fuck out of the towelhead goatfuckers whilst inducing massive amount of lulz from the EU/USA who constantly bitch about the violation of human rights of [[HA HA HA, OH WOW|moderate syrian islamists]]. Other fun activities include: messing with the EU by slowly dismantling Ukraine, [[2016 Presidential Election|rigging the us elections]] and [[shit|The Last Jedi's]] rating on [[Rotten Tomatoes]], and causing [[WalkAway|sane people to leave the Democratic party]] and building a trade network known as ¨New Silk Road¨ that will make Eurasia the richest continent in the world. Fun times are to be had in the future.

And wouldn't you know it, the fun times arrived sooner than anyone could have expected. Unsatisfied with [[NATO]]s continuous [[Rape|encroachment]] upon the innocent Russia, the great leader decided to stamp his foot to the ground and perform a [[Iraq|legitimate security operation]] in [[Ukraine]] to ensure that a [[Slavery|friendly regime]] is established. However, the USA & Friends lost their collective shit over this as only they have the moral/political/economic right to do such shenanigans and their war-boners immediately began to harden. But lo! Ukraine was not a member of NATO so the western pigs could only write mean letters to Putin and dump fucktons of weapons into Ukraine hoping that their stooges will do the job for them, thus Russia continues the valiant struggle against the western aggression.

Government

There is a government, but the Russian mafia or "Brotherhood" (in Russian Bratva/"Братва") is much more interesting and influential. The "Brotherhood" also have much, much more money than the Russian government. If you have any business in Russia (although hopefully you don't), it is much quicker to work directly with the "Brotherhood" rather than through government agencies. It's also cheaper.

In Russia, one needs to know people in power to make things work. You must know someone, who knows someone in power; it is the way to have the things done in Russia.

The Ruskies, or Tundra/Commie Niggers, have received a bad reputation due to the brilliant American Propaganda during the Cold War. However, Tundra Niggers made extreme advances from a backwards feudal nation to a country more expensive and less sanitary than west nearly overnight and at the cost of only 40 million slave-labourers. During WWII Stalin also managed to mortgage a lot of cannonfodder to the Americans to assrape Der Furher [[Hitler|DEN FÜHRER]] (Edited by Grammar_Nazi_88 00:34 January 30 2009), and then steal both their technology to [[masturbate|pride themselves in its glory]].

The Brotherhood has replaced the Italian Mafia as the principle ultra-capitalist element in the United States, so Muricans can now have the convenience of working for them directly from home. You know that new skyscraper in your nearest big city? Well, they probably own that.

In 2000, Tovarish Putin decided to honour the good old [[communism|commie]] times the Great Russian Federation by restoring the Soviet Anthem the 1944 Alexandrov tune. As you can see/hear/[[moar|research]] in the below linked videos, the lyrics are copypasta incredibly original and of enormous patriotic feeling (Edited by [[fag|p00t1|/|_ru]], 14:21 October 25 2009). [[Some argue]] Tovarish Putin is attempting to justly honour past Russian struggles and wondering how to run a single-party democracy to [[pwn]] the country in a neo-Stalinist surge STOP WROTE LIES, YOU WESTLY STUPID PERSON Edited by [[fag|p00t1|/|_ru]], 14:27 October 25 2009).

[[Vladimir Putin]] (your right).]]

Russia's government consists of:
#President - [[sockpuppet|Dmitry Medvedev]] , [[Vladimir Putin]] lulz.
#Prime Minister - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Finance - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Foreign Affairs - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Justice - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[War|Defense]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[Education]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of [[Economy]] - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Minister of Transportation - [[Vladimir Putin]]
#Eternal Minister of [[Alcohol|Vodka]] - [[Boris Yeltsin]]
#Minister of Bear - [[Bear|Medvedev]]

Government Critics

Having your own ideas or pretending to have your own ideas about how Putin runs the Government is perfectly fine and legal, and in fact when you receive your dose of lead, or perhaps even Polonium, Mr. Putin himself will express his regrets and condolences on public television.
But unfortunately the so-called "Dissidents" who are killed or survived assassinations like the mentally retarded Muslim cunt Alexander Litvinenko or the Buttbuddy of British [[Donald Trump|Trump]]-Hater Christopher Steele Sergey Skripal are only Defectors and Double-Agents so technically the only real Oppositionists in Russia are old-fashioned Communist Dinosaurs like [[Old|Gennady Zyuganov]] or Populist Nationalists like [[Nazi|Alexi Navalny]].

Foreign Policy

Looks like somebody got Jungle Fever.

Military

The [[Russian Army|Red Army]] [[Chris Hansen|loves children]]. Epic Lulz can be gathered by mentioning this fact to Russians/and or telling them that all Russian [[bitch]]es deserve to be raped as [[Anna Beshnova|punishment]].

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During WW2 Germany attacked Russia intending to to conquer it but got pwned by [[Zerg Rush|secret Russian war technique]]. The entire population of Russia has charged at the enemy with no weapons or equipment, the bodies of the fallen eventually stack up so high that a tower of corpses topples onto the enemy, crushing them all. After Russia regained all the territory it lost in the beginning of the war, it rained down on every other country past it's border like a giant wall of drunken [[rape]], raping everything from: children, men, old women, old men, animals, dead bodies, retards, and the occasional woman, that would make even the sickest pervert today blush. Russia essentially is a very poor country but so are many of its neighbors which explains Russia's prolonged existence and why it isn't a nuclear crater today. Unable to produce sufficient funds to start a war leaves Russia and its neighbors at a stalemate, the only reason russia is considered a superpower and not a 3rd world shit hole is because of its huge population where it can get scientists for cheap by paying them with loaves of bread and its massive taxation all of the money which goes directly into its military and research. Russia barely hanging on to make it to super power status in reality most of their arsenal is aging and faulty.

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Economy

the shit out of Ryu.]]

The Russian economy is principally organized by the Brotherhood. This is very comforting to government and business leaders in Western democracies because it's a familiar system.

If you have problems with your business partners, your "brotherhood" will meet with the other guy's "brotherhood", and they will try to settle your problems through discussion. If they can't get right, they may apply to a "thief in the law" who will take a decision. There also is an official way of settling the problems through a court, but it is less effective. Many businesses prefer to employ commercial departments of police or private security companies, which in reality are just a camouflaged brotherhood aka "bratva".

The accepted currency in Russia currently are the following: [[USA|American dollars]], [[Nazi|German]] cars, vodka, and [[Prostitute|attractive women]]. The currency is subject to change. With the huge revenue out the Export of Oil and Gas, Russia can import machines, electrical appialiances and other quality comsumer goods like forgein [[prostitutes|women]] (mostly from their [[LOL|Brother]] Republics like [[Ukraine]] but also from [[China]]).

Russia's [[lie|only technological breakthrough]] and main export is the Avtomat Kalashnikova, an [[engrish|aussalt]] rifle capable of killing Africans even when covered in [[Jenkem|mud]]. Other leading exports are [[cp]], pirated [[mp3]]s from allofmp3.com, PC Trojans, vodka, balalaika and [[internet]] [[women|brides]].

Mayonnaise is one of their largest exports as seen here in this video. The commentary alone produces much lulz.

Religion

The Glory of [[Putin]] (more like the glory of [[cunt|poontang]], [[amirite?]]) is the official religion of Mother Russia. It's worth noting also that many are of Russian Orthodox faith. Just like in Catholicism, the priests wear funny hats, but in this instance, they are even much more funny looking. Also just like Catholicism, the nuns in this religion are all total cunts. Amirite? Though steamy hot pleasure sex with these nun-cunts are is quite hard to come by, one can solve this issue by tying them to the bed and slapping the shit out of their tits until they agree to give you the best blow job a man could possibly desire. Haha, and you didn't think such atrocities were common in mother Russia?? You silly American faggots!

[Gallery content]

On Islam

[[Wikipedia:Zaporozhian_Cossacks|It was actually ukrainians]], [[Shit nobody cares about|but who gives a fuck?]] Only [[you]].

People

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rockers during a concert.]]

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The people of Russia are collectively referred to as tundra [[niggers|nigras]], and have no real connection to [[Canada|ice niggers]], who are full of [[anti-lulz]]. For the most part they are all robotic alcoholics, but you would be too if you lived in a country that was ruled by Dumbfucks (Yeltsin), defamed by the American Propaganda Apparatus as evil and terrorized by [[Muslims]], [[amirite]]?

Russians speak Russian (Русский язык), which is written in Cyrillic. Their ability to write a simple alphabet that differs from the Roman alphabet gives them a major superiority complex. Never mind the fact that [[Chinese]], [[Japanese]], and [[Korean]] [[lie|are much more complicated writing systems]]. Their https://ashi-moto.livejournal.com/204682.html?thread=2188682#t2188682" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">ignorance of their neighbors to the East (dead) may be the cause for this fierce sense of superiority. Most aren't willing to admit their oriental ancestry even after centuries of sino-mongol rape

Russian general knowledge and 'education' is virtually nonexistent, and the majority of the populations inability to either read or write has remained essentially unchanged since the middle ages....which is understandable given that a full 80% of them spend their miserable, insignificant lives on small desolate farms surrounded by rats, lice, grain alcohol, infant skulls, and pig shit before the government every so often decides to arbitrarily 'off' them in vast numbers simply because...well...they're RUSSIAN...so why the FUCK NOT?!? The availability of food is unimportant to the Russian (which is good because they are always starving), as he can simply brew [[vodka]] in his bathtub which otherwise, judging by a typical Russian's appearance, is never used for its intended purpose anyways.

Some favorite pastimes of Russians are drinking vodka, [[pedophilia]], selling organs, buying 1980's Jordache yankee blue jeans and Adidas tracksuits on the black market, shooting people, not bathing, standing in bread lines, and killing Chechens for their [[OM NOM NOM|delicious oils]]. When America does something it is usually [[WIN|evil;]] when Russia does the same thing it is [[Fail|glorious!]]

Due to their god awful history and present situation, the Russian people are a hearty bunch. It is not uncommon to see roving street gangs in Moscow beating up innocent people. Do not fear though, as this is the police. The police also commonly use scare tactics such as sarin gas and other hilarious forms of lethal force. Often times little children and fat old babushkas are also tragically suffocated by this hilarious nerve agent. But as the signs say in Russia, "when shit's goin' down, get out the muthafuckin' way NIGGUH!!"

It may seem a surprise, but Tundra niggers have their own [[double nigger|niggers]]. These are the brother nations from Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Azerbajan, Armenia who leave their countries because they love to work for Russian people just for "thank you's". "Thank you" is worth 1 wooden ruble and four internets. Today so many people have moved from those countries that now they actually don't exist at all.

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Breeding habits

Russian men express love with their fists just like all Slavic men actually these Russian men are Turkic and Northern Caucasian Muzzies and [[Gypsies]], and most Russian and Slavic children are the product of [[rape]] these children are Muzzies and Gypsies too. Orphans are also readily available from Russia, as baby factories are set up in Siberia to fuel the child [[prostitution]] and [[pornography]] industries whose main costumers are Americans but Russia is since a long time in strong competition with [[Ukraine]] and [[Romania]] who have cheaper child hookers and better conditions for producing child porn. When you go to Russia, and you are not Russian, be sure not to smile if you are alone, this is a sign that you wish to have kbs. Though many children are beaten from such a young age in Russia, it's ok, because most of these children actually find this quite enjoyable. Many psychologists deem this to be the cause of such interest in sadomasochism as they age into adults in present-day Russia.

While it is unusual for heterosexuality to flourish in modern Russia, the occasional straight male tourist will likely be disappointed by the leg hair, mustaches, and overall stench of the [[bestiality|women]] in this bizarre nation. Nowadays, one can pursue a love of the Russian people via [[Online dating|the internet,]] which is just beginning to catch on and proving to be a valuable medium for the dissemination of those resilient Russian genes.

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Russian spies

Russia is home to KGB, the most notorious spy organization ever. Russian spies are known to be horrendously [[ugly]].

Russians as immigrants

Notable Russians

Fucking Zangief.

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[[lol|Culture]]

Russians cultivate Multidrug-Ressistant Tuberculosis, mainly within prisons. Other Microbiological Cultures include B. Athracis and http://www.pwhce.org/ebolapox.html" class="text-indigo-600 dark:text-indigo-400 hover:underline" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Ebolapox.

Russian Disco

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Pastimes

Russian Pastimes include, and are not limited to:
#[[An hero|Jumping]] off apartment towers
#Shooting yourself in the street
#Generating most of the content on [[Nothing Toxic]]
#Getting blood poisoning on high [[alcohol]] drinks

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was invented by Stalin in an attempt to make tourists feel at home. Typically, it's like musical chairs, except with bullets. Of course it failed because no one did this at home and the Russians soon forgot about it. However [[Asians]] soon decided this is exactly the kind of thing that they want to be associated with. And began using it to try and lower their horribly large populations. Russia declined to comment. For extreme fun, make sure there are as many bullets as there are people!

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Music

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Sport

During the Cold War, after their discovery of anabolic steroids, the Russians whupped American asses at almost all sports, until Arnie "I'll be Bach" Schwarzenegger stole the formula and in in return was made Governor of Carly-fornya. However, excessive use of these drugs made Russian men infertile, and gave the women pubes that reached almost to the floor, making the high-jump particularly hazardous, and leading to a low birth rate. Nowadays, because Russians prefer unsung feats of brutality like [[1Girl99Stomps|Head Stomping]] and [[3Guys1Hammer|Hammer Killing]] (that's [[Ukraine]] you [[dumb]] [[fuck]]), they usually only do well at hockey and at sports with bribe-able judges. They aren't so good at [[baseball]], [[football]], basketball (except in European league). Even in hockey, they aren't as good as [[Canada]] anymore, despite PWNING Canadian rookies three years in a row in some meaningless tourney that no one in a world gives a flying shit about, they got seriously ass-fucked by Canadians in the 2010 Olympics hockey game, having become to hockey what [[Japan]] is to baseball. Still, they suddenly fucked all the black person's asses in boxing, crazy barbarian bastards. They also [[pwn]] everyone in chess, but no one gives a fuck because chess isn't really a sport.

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Russian National Anthem

:Russia, Russia
:Where women look like men
:Russia, Russia
:Eyebrows FTW
:Russia, Russia
:Soul crushing and cold
:Russia, Russia
:We do it if we're told
:Russia, Russia
:...Vodka.!

Trolling Russians

#Say them that Russians are nothing but a slavicized Finno-Ugrians.
#Tell them the Cyrillic alphabet was the result of strabismus (permanently crossed eyes) suffered by its creator when he tried to reproduce the Latin alphabet.
#Tell them Tchaikovsky was a hack who stole "The Nutcracker" from a German composer.
#[[Dongcopter]]. Maybe [[gay|10%]] of them don't mind.
#Call them Vodka Niggers or Borscht Niggers.
#Point out over half of the world's [[CP]] comes from Russians.
#Implying Russia is ever in the wrong, even in [[Shit no one cares about|extremely morally questionable situations like Chechnya.]]
#Tell them [[communism]] is fine as long as they keep it in Russia.
#[[Stalin]] rolling them, they'll get very pissed at this because they don't like getting hard boners seeing Stalin dance.
#Say that the Civil War in Donbass where Russia support the Rebels is a hidden Invasion of [[Ukraine]]. Not anymore.
#Many Russians are avoiding to serve in the Military, there are many reasons but the main is "old-timers" ("granfathers" - "деды"), who [[anal|violates]] the newbies and just the oafs or "weakness" guys whom can't stand their position as a "man" which mean that every second has a 9000% chance to be violated.
#You'll get over 9000 lulz if you call every Russian a schoolchild or schoolboy or shkolota or школота. I Guarantee It.
#Mention how a multicultural societies are highly successful and a pure [[white]] society leads to poverty. Use [[America]], [[Canada]], and [[France]] as an example and then point out [[white]] ghetto slums in Russia.
#Mention Soviet War Crimes and [[Communist]] atrocities.
#Mention the German-Soviet Non-Aggression-Pact
#Mention the [[Soviet]] Occupation and Annexation of [[Estonia]], [[Latvia]], [[Lithuania]], Eastern [[Poland]], and the War with [[Finland]]
#Mention the War crimes in the Chechen Wars
#Mention the Mass Rapes committed by the Red Army
#Mention the large numbers of [[chink]]s are flooding Russia's far east.
#Say to them that they are Mongoloid and not Caucasoid.
#Minimize their role in the outcome of [[WWII]].

Anon in Russia

Because everything in Russia is so fucked up, Russian [[Anon]] community consists of all those [[faggots]] nornal Anon hates, like:

#[[Attention whores]]
#[[Communists]]
#[[Anarchist]] Using anonymity as mean to spread their stupid [[Bullshit|views]] nobody cares about.
#[[Chav|Gopnegs]]
#[[Faggots]]
#[[You]]
#[[Germans]]
#[[13-year-old boys]] or "Малолетний долбоёб" (littleaged peckfuck) , or "школота" (Schoolboys)... (mostly schoolboys, I guarantee it)

So as result, [[The Cancer That Is Killing /b/|being founded on the cancer that is killing /b/]], Anon lived amazing 3 years.

Only good thing about whole community is their [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|æ]] which is caller Lukomorie (Russsian fairy land) which name drives from [[Lurk moar]]. Unlike [[2ch]] it's edited by real Anons and contains important knowledge on such an important topics like [[cam whore|cam whoring]], [[attention whore|attention whoring]] and different Russian ways of trolling (some of which are pretty [[Lulz|Lulzworthy]])

Gallery

See also

People

*[[Luka Rocco Magnotta]] (the most famous Wannabe-Russian)
*[[Aleksandr Pistoletov]]
*[[Bad Vlad]]
*[[Dmitry Vinogradov]]
*[[LucidFox]]
*[[Natalia Poklonskaya]]
*[[PissedOffVideoGamer]]

Things That Piss Russia Off

#[[Alaska]]
#[[Azerbaijan]]
#[[Botnet]]s
#[[Сибирской говор]]
#[[Ukraine]]
#[[Finland]]
#[[Homosexuality]]
#[[In Soviet Russia...]]
#[[Lithuania|The]] [[Latvia|Baltic]] [[Estonia|States]]
#[[Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17]]
#[[Moldova]]
#[[Poland]]
#[[Rainbow Stalin]]
#[[List of *chan boards#Sovjet-Nederland|Soviet Netherland]]
#[[USA]]

Things Russia Likes

#[[ВИD]]
#[[Armenia]]
#[[South Ossetia]]
#[[Venezuela]]
#[[Communism]]
#[[Fishing Cat]]
#[[Leave Bond to me]]
#[[Padonki]]
#[[Preved]]
#[[Red Army]]
#[[Russian Wikipedia]]
#[[Russia Today]]
#[[Socialism]]
#[[Tetris]]
#[[Упячка]]

[[Category:Locations]]

]]|[[4th of July]]}}
|[[Mariah Anderson]]}}
|[[Putin]]}}

|[[Party Van]]}}

[[Category:Rusfags|*]]